for A New Order10/10/2013 c14 
9katayoku.no.tori
Oh, you're really getting into this story, aren't you!? I like how you're comparing everything to birds in this chapter, it really adds on to the mood. Though, things are really starting to heat up now, and I feel that this chapter was one of those "eye of the storm" chapters. Can't wait to find out what happens next! And you were right! Wren is a really cute character! :3 I wonder if she'll become my favorite like you say she will.
"And not recently, the grass stains were fresh." - The copy and paste thing doesn't work anymore, so I just guessed by memory. The sentence should be vaguely right, at least. But anyways, you should either get rid of the 'not', or change the 'were' into 'weren't'. :)
In the sentence that came after Wren whistling, you wrote the word survivor twice in the same sentence. Maybe you could mix up the words a little bit.
I'll try and read another chapter tomorrow. I don't know why I keep stalling to read this. I have a full 35 minutes of freetime during school... Well, now I know what I'm going to be doing during that period!
9katayoku.no.toriOh, you're really getting into this story, aren't you!? I like how you're comparing everything to birds in this chapter, it really adds on to the mood. Though, things are really starting to heat up now, and I feel that this chapter was one of those "eye of the storm" chapters. Can't wait to find out what happens next! And you were right! Wren is a really cute character! :3 I wonder if she'll become my favorite like you say she will.
"And not recently, the grass stains were fresh." - The copy and paste thing doesn't work anymore, so I just guessed by memory. The sentence should be vaguely right, at least. But anyways, you should either get rid of the 'not', or change the 'were' into 'weren't'. :)
In the sentence that came after Wren whistling, you wrote the word survivor twice in the same sentence. Maybe you could mix up the words a little bit.
I'll try and read another chapter tomorrow. I don't know why I keep stalling to read this. I have a full 35 minutes of freetime during school... Well, now I know what I'm going to be doing during that period!
9/19/2013 c13 katayoku.no.tori
Aww! I loved this chapter! I really like your characters personalities right now. They seem really nice, even though they are all battle hardened. And Jami did loosen up a little bit. :) Which is good, he needs it! Now though, I wonder who that girl was...
Aww! I loved this chapter! I really like your characters personalities right now. They seem really nice, even though they are all battle hardened. And Jami did loosen up a little bit. :) Which is good, he needs it! Now though, I wonder who that girl was...
9/2/2013 c12 katayoku.no.tori
Wow! I can't believe people would do that to their own kind. But it's understandable... People want to survive. And I know for sure that I'd be dead already this actually happened. There was no way I could kill a person like that. Makes it so easy to understand why Allen went into shock...
Well, it seems that Jamison knows what to do XD Let's eat our problems away. Then everything will turn out just fine. Sorry Jami, don't mean to make fun of you :)
I like your subtle cliff-hanger, and I wonder where you're going to continue from here. It seems that you're going to take this story to some very unexpected places. Can't wait
Wow! I can't believe people would do that to their own kind. But it's understandable... People want to survive. And I know for sure that I'd be dead already this actually happened. There was no way I could kill a person like that. Makes it so easy to understand why Allen went into shock...
Well, it seems that Jamison knows what to do XD Let's eat our problems away. Then everything will turn out just fine. Sorry Jami, don't mean to make fun of you :)
I like your subtle cliff-hanger, and I wonder where you're going to continue from here. It seems that you're going to take this story to some very unexpected places. Can't wait
8/24/2013 c9 6Silencerz123
Another masterpiece Ink, just noticed that you could of Just said New York city except New York, Manhattan it seem kind of redundant when they mean the same thing
6Silencerz123Another masterpiece Ink, just noticed that you could of Just said New York city except New York, Manhattan it seem kind of redundant when they mean the same thing
8/24/2013 c7 Silencerz123
I want to know more about Allen and his past so mysterious that officer has temper problem as well, this is really on of the best I've see so far
I want to know more about Allen and his past so mysterious that officer has temper problem as well, this is really on of the best I've see so far
8/24/2013 c6 Silencerz123
I have to say Allen is my favorite character kind of reminds me of Gale from Hunger Games a little, She has so many problem now its crazy i don't know how she keeps going! Next chapter here I come :)
I have to say Allen is my favorite character kind of reminds me of Gale from Hunger Games a little, She has so many problem now its crazy i don't know how she keeps going! Next chapter here I come :)
7/26/2013 c11 9katayoku.no.tori
I love your writing so much You make everything seem so real: the sights, the smells. Everything.
Allen's character is starting to make me like him a lot more now, but he still can't replace Rhy.
Going to read the next chapter soon!
9katayoku.no.toriI love your writing so much You make everything seem so real: the sights, the smells. Everything.
Allen's character is starting to make me like him a lot more now, but he still can't replace Rhy.
Going to read the next chapter soon!
7/24/2013 c10 katayoku.no.tori
I loved the end of this short chapter! It was so sad. Those last two sentences are my favorite out of the whole story so far.
Sorry for taking so long to reply. Though, it seems like you got a few more followers and reviews ;) Your story deserves it. I only saw one thing that should be fixed (Well, only one thing I decided to copy and paste into the comment box) and it's below. But you know what? I was listening to music and right when I got to the end of your chapter, a sad song started playing and those last sentences made me teary eyed, haha. Good job at placing the emotion in your chapter!
"The only thing they could say was "Yeah, you'll find them" or "Forget it they're dead" but no did. " - I think, at the end, you either meant 'none' or 'no one'. :)
I loved the end of this short chapter! It was so sad. Those last two sentences are my favorite out of the whole story so far.
Sorry for taking so long to reply. Though, it seems like you got a few more followers and reviews ;) Your story deserves it. I only saw one thing that should be fixed (Well, only one thing I decided to copy and paste into the comment box) and it's below. But you know what? I was listening to music and right when I got to the end of your chapter, a sad song started playing and those last sentences made me teary eyed, haha. Good job at placing the emotion in your chapter!
"The only thing they could say was "Yeah, you'll find them" or "Forget it they're dead" but no did. " - I think, at the end, you either meant 'none' or 'no one'. :)
7/19/2013 c5 6Silencerz123
Im weak "One Republic's Secrets" xD btw I just love her name Akeera fell so sorry for Rhy I was not expecting that, but Im looking forward to see Allen more in the story
6Silencerz123Im weak "One Republic's Secrets" xD btw I just love her name Akeera fell so sorry for Rhy I was not expecting that, but Im looking forward to see Allen more in the story
7/19/2013 c4 Silencerz123
It seems like everything is falling apart, my eyes still glued to my screen!
It seems like everything is falling apart, my eyes still glued to my screen!
7/13/2013 c3 Silencerz123
My heart was just broken when she saw those kinds I almost cried with the girl with the broken leg. Curious about Rhy btw
My heart was just broken when she saw those kinds I almost cried with the girl with the broken leg. Curious about Rhy btw
7/11/2013 c1 Silencerz123
in the first 10 paragraphs my jaw was on the ground, you really have a masterpiece right now. the Languages is amazing, and I loved the character. I know I'm in for a thrill ride in this on
in the first 10 paragraphs my jaw was on the ground, you really have a masterpiece right now. the Languages is amazing, and I loved the character. I know I'm in for a thrill ride in this on
7/8/2013 c9 9katayoku.no.tori
Wow. Tight situation! I love your explanations, they're very detailed and short - the perfect kind. This story is becoming more and more interesting. I wonder where you're going with it... Hehe, can't wait to find out!
There were a few things I noticed while reading, along with the normal period instead of comma thingy :P Here they are:
"He was itching to break away from the lieutenant and his men but despite the warning bells instinct told me we needed to stick with them, if only for the protection of their extra guns and information." - This seems like a bit of a run-on sentence, though I'm not sure...
""If you were captured and new of our plans—"" - It should be 'knew', not 'new'.
Great chapter! Really wish I could read the next soon It's amazing.
9katayoku.no.toriWow. Tight situation! I love your explanations, they're very detailed and short - the perfect kind. This story is becoming more and more interesting. I wonder where you're going with it... Hehe, can't wait to find out!
There were a few things I noticed while reading, along with the normal period instead of comma thingy :P Here they are:
"He was itching to break away from the lieutenant and his men but despite the warning bells instinct told me we needed to stick with them, if only for the protection of their extra guns and information." - This seems like a bit of a run-on sentence, though I'm not sure...
""If you were captured and new of our plans—"" - It should be 'knew', not 'new'.
Great chapter! Really wish I could read the next soon It's amazing.
7/8/2013 c7 katayoku.no.tori
Love how you keep throwing in bits and pieces of action into each chapter. Along with all those questions. They definitely get you hooked. Wish I could read more right now :'(
There were some places where you put periods instead of commas within dialogue, but that's all. Liked this chapter, and it seemed like you introduced another cool character. Wonder if they're going to be important...
Love how you keep throwing in bits and pieces of action into each chapter. Along with all those questions. They definitely get you hooked. Wish I could read more right now :'(
There were some places where you put periods instead of commas within dialogue, but that's all. Liked this chapter, and it seemed like you introduced another cool character. Wonder if they're going to be important...