for The Keymaker6/19/2013 c7 
2Terra Booma
Nice chapter! Good to see you've come over your writers block, if only for a short time.
2Terra BoomaNice chapter! Good to see you've come over your writers block, if only for a short time.
6/4/2013 c6 7Fakety Mcfakename
You've got a good basis in characters built. Both of them are fairly strong and developed, and their relationship is health. It's obvious that they have a thing for each other, but you might want to pace their involvement a bit more, depending on how long you want your story to be. Now is the time to add more details to their characters, try to make them unique.
But your characters are what you already have. What you need is a plot. So, where is Loch going? What is his goal? Where did he get the money to pay for niska? what kind of world is this, if it has minotaurs and bodyguard dens, midevil history and elves? Is there an evil warlord? My advice: broaden. Start going into details of their journey, maybe they wander through a big city. Introduce serveral secondary characters, maybe one who joins them on their journay, and through these introductinos give exposition of the world that they're in. Make sure to make a basic sketch of the world, you can add further details. meanwhile, think of your conflict. perhaps, a noble from the mountains wants to gain power, he's gained control over the bodyguards guilds(maybe a few othersin) and wants to take the keymaker in part of an evil plot. Meanwhile, loch speaks of incoming apocalypse. some force has opened a crack, and dark matter is spilling into this world(maybe it makes monsters, that'd be fun). keymaker must meet up with some others to create a key to teh crack, and seal it)
ooooh, i already have a plottwist! at the end, you defeat the warlord, and are about to seal the crack, when you find out who was behind it. A dark puppetmaster was controlling the warlord(who was always kindoff a moron), and desires to destroy all civilization. i think it should be glissa(faked his death), and his sister was trying to stop him.
anyway, there's one plot idea. just think about what's motivating the characters, and what could create conflict.
7Fakety McfakenameYou've got a good basis in characters built. Both of them are fairly strong and developed, and their relationship is health. It's obvious that they have a thing for each other, but you might want to pace their involvement a bit more, depending on how long you want your story to be. Now is the time to add more details to their characters, try to make them unique.
But your characters are what you already have. What you need is a plot. So, where is Loch going? What is his goal? Where did he get the money to pay for niska? what kind of world is this, if it has minotaurs and bodyguard dens, midevil history and elves? Is there an evil warlord? My advice: broaden. Start going into details of their journey, maybe they wander through a big city. Introduce serveral secondary characters, maybe one who joins them on their journay, and through these introductinos give exposition of the world that they're in. Make sure to make a basic sketch of the world, you can add further details. meanwhile, think of your conflict. perhaps, a noble from the mountains wants to gain power, he's gained control over the bodyguards guilds(maybe a few othersin) and wants to take the keymaker in part of an evil plot. Meanwhile, loch speaks of incoming apocalypse. some force has opened a crack, and dark matter is spilling into this world(maybe it makes monsters, that'd be fun). keymaker must meet up with some others to create a key to teh crack, and seal it)
ooooh, i already have a plottwist! at the end, you defeat the warlord, and are about to seal the crack, when you find out who was behind it. A dark puppetmaster was controlling the warlord(who was always kindoff a moron), and desires to destroy all civilization. i think it should be glissa(faked his death), and his sister was trying to stop him.
anyway, there's one plot idea. just think about what's motivating the characters, and what could create conflict.
6/4/2013 c1 Fakety Mcfakename
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i see the sparks between them all ready.
Excellent characterization allready. now it's time for plot thickening.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i see the sparks between them all ready.
Excellent characterization allready. now it's time for plot thickening.
5/26/2013 c5 mylobear
(That's my name on here, I just didn't log in:)
Stunning story. The characters are so real and human. I'm intresting in where this story is headed... It ACTULLY feels like something out of a book.
(That's my name on here, I just didn't log in:)
Stunning story. The characters are so real and human. I'm intresting in where this story is headed... It ACTULLY feels like something out of a book.
5/17/2013 c1 TriSX
This is the third story I red from you, its interesting
Oh the "This is the story of how I died" made me remember a movie.
This is the third story I red from you, its interesting
Oh the "This is the story of how I died" made me remember a movie.