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for Reunion

4/21/2013 c1 LadyZelthePen
What an interesting first chapter. My interest is piqued for a variety of reasons; first, I do love a good horse chase; second, a reunion between two old friends is amazingly sweet; and three, Damian seems like a total sweetheart.

I really like how you started this out; you've dragged us right into the middle of the action. There's alot of telling going in in the first part; most writers would encourage you to "show, not tell" in your story, but since it's Raine's thoughts, I won't make it too much of a deal. However, I would encourage you to find a way to make the telling of her situation a bit more natural. :)

Breaking into the stables and stealing a horse was very fast-paced, very exciting. I like how Raine handled the stable boy (poor guy!), and she felt bad for knocking him out. That says alot about who she is as a woman, and I admire her already.

Damian's introduction so early is very interesting, but I can tell he is a sweetheart. Their conversation starts off really well... You did a good job detailing the awkwardness of them meeting after so many years. The cause of that is interesting as well. There is a conflict you've hinted at, and I'm very curious to see what occured to cause their families to split so long ago. After that, I feel like their conversation gets a little too friendly. Not in a bad way, of course. I'm just assuming they haven't seen each other in so long. I almost feel it should have been a bit more awkward; neither of them are the same people anymore.

I love your story, m'dear, and I can't wait to see where you go with it. :)

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