for Memento Mori: Downfall6/20/2013 c6 
1Nori-san
Let's see what's their relationship...what, they're a couple?! It just makes Creo a much much more interesting character!
As expected of you, the scene transitions were written nicely and beautifully. Still can't really find much faults. I liked the encounter with Anhur, though I was surprised he did not give chase for his fleeing preys. I mean I would have if I were him. Other than that, another fine work.
Keep on writing!
1Nori-sanLet's see what's their relationship...what, they're a couple?! It just makes Creo a much much more interesting character!
As expected of you, the scene transitions were written nicely and beautifully. Still can't really find much faults. I liked the encounter with Anhur, though I was surprised he did not give chase for his fleeing preys. I mean I would have if I were him. Other than that, another fine work.
Keep on writing!
6/20/2013 c5 Nori-san
What interest me in this particular chapter mostly centers around the servant Creo. Even I find it unbelievable that he could survive with such fatal and devastating wounds. Seeing how Rimor reacted raises even more question about Creo and the fight that transpired away from Cane and Rimor's eyes.
An introduction of a seductive werewolf whosd target is Creo as well. My guess is that blade he's holding on. I really like how you've plotted this out. It's really well thought out, although I'm starting to find the fight scenes are rather dark compared to other writers. It's not a bad thing so no worries! In fact, the details are finely executed.
Great job!
Keep on writing!
What interest me in this particular chapter mostly centers around the servant Creo. Even I find it unbelievable that he could survive with such fatal and devastating wounds. Seeing how Rimor reacted raises even more question about Creo and the fight that transpired away from Cane and Rimor's eyes.
An introduction of a seductive werewolf whosd target is Creo as well. My guess is that blade he's holding on. I really like how you've plotted this out. It's really well thought out, although I'm starting to find the fight scenes are rather dark compared to other writers. It's not a bad thing so no worries! In fact, the details are finely executed.
Great job!
Keep on writing!
6/20/2013 c21 InfiniteMaze
Interesting chapter. It was well written, and intense. It was pretty gruesome
Update soon!
Interesting chapter. It was well written, and intense. It was pretty gruesome
Update soon!
6/18/2013 c3 Nori-san
You know, I should've expected that Creo would do such a thing to disturb Cane, though honestly in the beginning I was thinking,
'no way, he's seriously betraying her...oh thank god it's just his jokes'
I still can't seem to point any faults out so far, just a simple compliment that the plot is unfolding nicely. I believe I've learned quite a handful of useful vocabulary from your story too haha. I'm never a guy good with his vocabs. Okay then, more thoughts to input after I'm done with the next chapter .
Keep on writing!
You know, I should've expected that Creo would do such a thing to disturb Cane, though honestly in the beginning I was thinking,
'no way, he's seriously betraying her...oh thank god it's just his jokes'
I still can't seem to point any faults out so far, just a simple compliment that the plot is unfolding nicely. I believe I've learned quite a handful of useful vocabulary from your story too haha. I'm never a guy good with his vocabs. Okay then, more thoughts to input after I'm done with the next chapter .
Keep on writing!
6/18/2013 c1 22Tenshi no Yami
I did enjoy this Prologue. I could picture the landscape quite nicely all the way down to the detailing of each of the characters. Each of them had their own unique traits that I found enjoyable as well as comical. I like Cane's attitude though she seems to think quite highly of herself; not saying that that is bad in any way. From this Chapter alone, I must say that I do like Creo a lot. Oh, and his fedora. I'm loving that thing already. He does strike me as peculiar though for certain reasons but for the sake of not wanting to expose anything that may be explained later, I will keep that to myself.
Grammar wise, I can't say that I really found anything wrong. There was one line where you had "human's shouts". Was that singular or did you mean a multitude of people (the guards)? Was just a bit curious there and read twice just to check. Other than that, it was nice as I had said and look forward to going onto the next chapter.
'Til next time
-TnY
22Tenshi no YamiI did enjoy this Prologue. I could picture the landscape quite nicely all the way down to the detailing of each of the characters. Each of them had their own unique traits that I found enjoyable as well as comical. I like Cane's attitude though she seems to think quite highly of herself; not saying that that is bad in any way. From this Chapter alone, I must say that I do like Creo a lot. Oh, and his fedora. I'm loving that thing already. He does strike me as peculiar though for certain reasons but for the sake of not wanting to expose anything that may be explained later, I will keep that to myself.
Grammar wise, I can't say that I really found anything wrong. There was one line where you had "human's shouts". Was that singular or did you mean a multitude of people (the guards)? Was just a bit curious there and read twice just to check. Other than that, it was nice as I had said and look forward to going onto the next chapter.
'Til next time
-TnY
6/18/2013 c2 1Nori-san
How did you do it? How on earth do you craft such writings? As my eyes travels from one word to the next, they seemed so smooth and what's that word...it's at the tip of my tongue but nonetheless, the story is finally driving towards a certain conflict. Rebellions huh. It took me by surprise, though I don't think it should be. I'm already liking Rimor's character already. His characteristics are what I enjoy reading and I hope to see more of him in the future chapters!
Great way to end the chapter with the casts in a dire, or in this case, hairy situation.
Keep on writing!
1Nori-sanHow did you do it? How on earth do you craft such writings? As my eyes travels from one word to the next, they seemed so smooth and what's that word...it's at the tip of my tongue but nonetheless, the story is finally driving towards a certain conflict. Rebellions huh. It took me by surprise, though I don't think it should be. I'm already liking Rimor's character already. His characteristics are what I enjoy reading and I hope to see more of him in the future chapters!
Great way to end the chapter with the casts in a dire, or in this case, hairy situation.
Keep on writing!
6/18/2013 c20 InfiniteMaze
Ahh that was a nice chapter. It was nice to read it in the first person, you shifted perspectives very nicely.
This is a start to what seems like a very interesting part 2
Ahh that was a nice chapter. It was nice to read it in the first person, you shifted perspectives very nicely.
This is a start to what seems like a very interesting part 2
6/17/2013 c1 Nori-san
Hello GluttonyFang,
Pardon me for not replying to your PM yet because of the limited connectivity my mobile device have at the moment. Anyways, I've decided to pop by your story to give a read. After all I like to read the works of others because they do help writers draw inspiration and motivation to work :)
Ahh blabbers again. On to the story now.
Compared to mine, your descriptive skills are off the charts! That's a good thing of course and I like how you have painted your two main casts, along with the confrontation with the werewolves.
The way you've depicted them made it look like the wolves were savage beasts that enjoys their feast on human flesh.
The fight really displayed Creo's ability in battle. A veteran perhaps? Right now, the plot is still not being brought forward in full so I will have to read ahead first before commenting more.
Really splendid writing!
Keep on writing!
Hello GluttonyFang,
Pardon me for not replying to your PM yet because of the limited connectivity my mobile device have at the moment. Anyways, I've decided to pop by your story to give a read. After all I like to read the works of others because they do help writers draw inspiration and motivation to work :)
Ahh blabbers again. On to the story now.
Compared to mine, your descriptive skills are off the charts! That's a good thing of course and I like how you have painted your two main casts, along with the confrontation with the werewolves.
The way you've depicted them made it look like the wolves were savage beasts that enjoys their feast on human flesh.
The fight really displayed Creo's ability in battle. A veteran perhaps? Right now, the plot is still not being brought forward in full so I will have to read ahead first before commenting more.
Really splendid writing!
Keep on writing!
6/17/2013 c19 InfiniteMaze
... Not chasm! Nooo oh dear...
Well on another note I thought you wrote this scene very well, it was a dramatic fight scene and those are usually the most difficult to write.
Can't wait for part 2!
... Not chasm! Nooo oh dear...
Well on another note I thought you wrote this scene very well, it was a dramatic fight scene and those are usually the most difficult to write.
Can't wait for part 2!
6/15/2013 c18 InfiniteMaze
That was an amazing chapter! I must admit I did not expect rimor to wind up being the villain.
I liked the confrontation between the character, and the flashback with cane and creo was very well written.
Again, I find the soul plot very interesting. I can't wait to see what happens next! Gahh so exciting!
Keep up the good work and update soon!
That was an amazing chapter! I must admit I did not expect rimor to wind up being the villain.
I liked the confrontation between the character, and the flashback with cane and creo was very well written.
Again, I find the soul plot very interesting. I can't wait to see what happens next! Gahh so exciting!
Keep up the good work and update soon!
6/14/2013 c17 InfiniteMaze
Wow this was epic. I liked how you cut between the two separate fights going on in this chapter. I thought the idea about the clone was pretty cool.
I can't believe what happened to creo! I did not expect that, you wrote it well and it was a shocking way to end the chapter! Can't wait to read more! Seriously great job.
Wow this was epic. I liked how you cut between the two separate fights going on in this chapter. I thought the idea about the clone was pretty cool.
I can't believe what happened to creo! I did not expect that, you wrote it well and it was a shocking way to end the chapter! Can't wait to read more! Seriously great job.
6/14/2013 c17 RemnantsOfSyreal
Just as a brief aside in a public forum:
Well written. I've read through a few chapters and I've seen some intriguing material, but this one by far is the best I've seen. The narrative is engaging, the dialogue is entertaining and the scenery is vivid. Well done.
Just as a brief aside in a public forum:
Well written. I've read through a few chapters and I've seen some intriguing material, but this one by far is the best I've seen. The narrative is engaging, the dialogue is entertaining and the scenery is vivid. Well done.
6/9/2013 c1 RemnantsOfSyreal
I found my way over here through a fellow writer that suggested I take a look. I admit, I'm a bit torn.
On the one hand, your narrative is extremely colorful, and the world you're describing feels rich, like a lot of thought went into it. I can only commend you there.
But on the other hand... I hesitate to say so, and if you feel I'm stepping on anyone's toes please let me know... the dreaded purple beast seems to be rearing it's head here. Purple prose, I mean. And a lot of it. I'm going to read on, I'm curious enough to keep moving forward, but I am a bit concerned. Well. Let's read on.
I found my way over here through a fellow writer that suggested I take a look. I admit, I'm a bit torn.
On the one hand, your narrative is extremely colorful, and the world you're describing feels rich, like a lot of thought went into it. I can only commend you there.
But on the other hand... I hesitate to say so, and if you feel I'm stepping on anyone's toes please let me know... the dreaded purple beast seems to be rearing it's head here. Purple prose, I mean. And a lot of it. I'm going to read on, I'm curious enough to keep moving forward, but I am a bit concerned. Well. Let's read on.
6/8/2013 c15 InfiniteMaze
This was an awesome chapter! The descriptions were especially great, and I loved all the action that took place.
The mention of souls, and how creos mutated was very clever and interesting. I can't wait to hear more on that later in the story
This was an awesome chapter! The descriptions were especially great, and I loved all the action that took place.
The mention of souls, and how creos mutated was very clever and interesting. I can't wait to hear more on that later in the story
6/1/2013 c12 InfiniteMaze
As always, that was another nice chapter. Have I mentioned how much I love Chasm?
And you used the line breaks well, thank you:)
Keep up the good work
As always, that was another nice chapter. Have I mentioned how much I love Chasm?
And you used the line breaks well, thank you:)
Keep up the good work