for The Bird and The Worm6/30/2013 c1 
5SimonClemens
Just the intro,huh? Well it looks very,very promising.
You definitely have the tone and atmosphere setting needed for a Horror element, and I really got that vibe from the later parts. The characters are built up quickly but not badly; I actually do feel sorry for these people and don't just wait for them to die like most couples in something macabre.
Why is it marked humor, though?
This strikes me (genre-wise) as 50% Romance and 45% Horror, with 5% for Angst/Supernatural.
Also, a few teensy mistakes:
"A list formed in her mind ((of)) all the people who would benefit from learning of this secret meeting, mentally scratching out the names of those who lived ((too)) far away, or ((were)) too heavy-footed to have ((snuck)) out so close without her hearing them. The list was still too long to decide on a culprit."
And
"She again strained ((against)) the hands, and again they held her firmly to the ground ((as)) her sad cries join((ed)) ((with their dying ones))."
The last correction is also more of a suggestion for the sentence fragment. I think it makes it flow smoother.
That's about it for typos I think.
Good luck with the rest of this!
5SimonClemensJust the intro,huh? Well it looks very,very promising.
You definitely have the tone and atmosphere setting needed for a Horror element, and I really got that vibe from the later parts. The characters are built up quickly but not badly; I actually do feel sorry for these people and don't just wait for them to die like most couples in something macabre.
Why is it marked humor, though?
This strikes me (genre-wise) as 50% Romance and 45% Horror, with 5% for Angst/Supernatural.
Also, a few teensy mistakes:
"A list formed in her mind ((of)) all the people who would benefit from learning of this secret meeting, mentally scratching out the names of those who lived ((too)) far away, or ((were)) too heavy-footed to have ((snuck)) out so close without her hearing them. The list was still too long to decide on a culprit."
And
"She again strained ((against)) the hands, and again they held her firmly to the ground ((as)) her sad cries join((ed)) ((with their dying ones))."
The last correction is also more of a suggestion for the sentence fragment. I think it makes it flow smoother.
That's about it for typos I think.
Good luck with the rest of this!
6/30/2013 c1 Guest
Hey, it's me, Vincent! I gotta say, I wasn't expecting this! I mean, the imagery, the emotion, it's incredible! I love this, good luck and keep up the great work!
Hey, it's me, Vincent! I gotta say, I wasn't expecting this! I mean, the imagery, the emotion, it's incredible! I love this, good luck and keep up the great work!
6/15/2013 c1 2Blind Justice
Great job! I love everything about this, from the title to, yes, the writing itself! I felt like I was there when you described the agony the main character was going through. More, please!
2Blind JusticeGreat job! I love everything about this, from the title to, yes, the writing itself! I felt like I was there when you described the agony the main character was going through. More, please!