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10/4/2013 c1 J. Mercer
This is the worst chapter I've ever read!
9/13/2013 c19 Thomas Saboy
Holy crap, that was another amazing chapter. Seriously action packed and full of deep details and emotion!
9/12/2013 c18 WellywoodR
The opening scene was vivid and violent, a real blast compared to the previous chapter, lol. It was intense, yet tame at the same time. I know you (and Natheus) are far more capable to perform at higher standards, and this sample just made me even hungrier! XD

The following combat scene involving Kitera and Deo was impressive, explosive. You showed the strengths of a Paragon, but also the weaknesses. Kitera jumping into the fight was a good move, she needed to break out of that 'all mind no muscle' role she had been playing. It was a nice contrast.

I also still can't get over the fact that she tackled Deo over XD That's a feat in itself.

The combat dynamics and tactics you have set up are very creative. It makes me want to go play my xbox, or even play a Dimension game :P Now that would be exciting! We get to play as customizable Paragons with personal Ciphers to guide us, or switch over to the UEU and customize the genetic augmentation of our marines... (fan-boy hype)

Get out there and make this happen, Shay, even if it kills you! Don't let anybody put you down.

Anyway, back to reviewing. I was literally leaning into the screen as I read the ending of this. Come on, wake up, Deo! Kick their arses! The entire scene was written with beautiful brutality. I felt the anger, emotion, helplessness, frustration, and fear. It ripped open the quarrel between the two nations on an intimate level, a bunch of stressed and angered marines letting loose.

Nothing short of breathtaking.
9/12/2013 c17 WellywoodR
You set the scene nicely at the beginning, and it was interesting to learn more about the construction of the Daggers and how different UEU methods are from Serenity. Nikita really is an interesting concept, and I also like how you balance out the new technology (Nikita, star energy) with weaknesses. Make things more believable.

This chapter was very techy, if you know what I mean. Every sci-fi needs that, in my opinion.

Rockland's temper is showing through again, lmao! It almost rivals Deo. I wonder how these two would get along if they meet at some point. Interesting to see.
9/8/2013 c18 Gemma Sundry
When I saw the sexual references warning, I was like, someone's gonna get it on! But in fact it was the complete opposite XD But really, just wow, this chapter was amaze-balls. The best yet, they just keep topping each other! We finally get to see Natheus in action, and it was just the right amount of badass. Not too much. But what really shone in this chapter was Deo and Kiya's sequence together. Deo was a badass, of course, but Kiya just stole the show when she threw herself out there to protect him.
And she tackled a Paragon! haha! I bet Deo's ego is a little injured now...
I liked the viciousness of the UEU once they tame the two, it really shows how they resent the Paragons, and poor Deo had to suffer their wrath. My heart really went out to him, and Kiya's selflessness was admirable. She has a knife to her throat, but she still manages to tell them not to touch him XD The cliff hanger here really has me itching to see what happens next! This scene just opened up another side to the story!
9/6/2013 c18 Thomas Saboy
Holy crap that was an amazing chapter! Can't wait to see how this all plays out.
9/1/2013 c2 Skeena
Hi! My friend told me to check this out and I'm glad she did! I really liked the prologue, and this chapter did a good job of introducing characters! I love Kitera 3 she makes me think of a na'vi from avatar.
9/1/2013 c16 Guest
I like the name changes.
Have you tried just submitting to a publisher? Most first-time authors are unable to get agents and just go through publishers. It's normal to be rejected when you're unknown, so don't be put down :)
8/31/2013 c17 Thomas Saboy
Awesome chapter and another great look at the UEU :)
8/31/2013 c17 Gemma Sundry
Rockland is pissed XD and damn, if only that scout had died sooner, then the Paragons would have a better chance. Technical lingo was making my head bobble, too, but I'm just a noob so don't worry about me :P
I like the sound of Zee, he's like the UEU version of Boone XD and I knew your kiwi spirit would sneak into this somehow. Zero-g rubgy, ohmygod. I think if the Paragons joined in on their games, they would get annihilated XD
P.S Freeman is still a derp.
8/29/2013 c15 J. Mercer
Natheus? Who the hell is that? This isn't greek week for Nathaniel, is it?

"Then what else could it be? A giant ikamanu turd?" - gross.

I don't get it either, Nathaniel. I think he might have brain damage. ... whoops, I mean Natheus.

Mini-nuke - for those especially hard to irradiate tactical situations.

"She wanders as if in a trance, her fingertips deftly gliding over the tall blue grass as she passes, touching the leaves around her gently and taking in everything she can." - she's a witch!

"... the Paragons morph their armour simultaneously in a chain of rupturing stutters, ..." - I always imagine this like that scene from the Lost in Space movie where Joey fought off those cannibalistic spiders. Spoiler alert: they get lost in space.

"To the Cipher, the sight of her Paragons fully clad is breathtaking, ..." - Girl, look at that body! Sexy and they know it.

I hate her importance and need for safety too. In the days of Genghis Khan she would have been marched out in front to absorb incoming fire!

"... a small bead of sweat dripping from her forehead. She can feel it dribble down the centre of her nose ... and now drop from the tip. She watches it ... fearful for any sound it may make ..." Maybe she shouldn't be breaking into CIA headquarters to steal the NOC list then - who does she think she is, Tom Cruise?

Dumb boot lieutenant. This is why your NCO's hate you.

"Welcome to the jungle, bitches," - what a trolling, PvP asshole.

Finally, someone worth killing! And, this time ... it isn't Kevin Costner.
8/29/2013 c16 WellywoodR
I guess Kitera is easier to say, and Natheus is shorter.

To be honest, I was half expecting Deo to let Kiya die XD He must be a good guy after all :P That was a great scene, and a little spooky at the same time lmao! Very beautifully described. I loved the snatch-whack-break-crack hand-to-hand, you could have made it even blunter and snappy, but I think it was good with a little more descriptive language, as to get in depth with Deo's superior strength. Maybe in a later scene you will get more blunt with similar content. I say, good call.

So the scout helped reveal some things, only for Boone to shoot him to pieces XD

I love the growing intimacy and curiosity between Deo and Kiya (Is that still her nickname since you changed it?) Deo just shoves up a brick wall when she tries to get close, but you can tell he has a soft spot beneath.

The detail on his thoughts about her were amazing, really in depth. The character dynamics are great.

So Mazayus finally speaks up about Kiya's vision, haha. About time.

The following combat scene was exciting, especially two men against a bloody gunship! On foot! And they made it look easy. I'm really excited to see what else is in store for them, and to explore further their combat capabilities. You keep it realistic and tamed, but seeing as this universe is quite... dramatic? I'm not sure on the best word to use, but its out there, and I feel you could possibly amp up their combat style a smidgen. Maybe throw in some crazy acrobatics XD But nothing too japanese...

I like how the chapter ended with a DUN DUN DUN moment :P
8/26/2013 c2 Guest
Wow, this has to be the fastest growing sci-fi in popularity on this site. It's only been up a few months and already its climbing near the top of the most reviewed stories.

And I see why.
8/24/2013 c16 Gemma Sundry
This is my new fav chapter! Kiya was a badass, and so was Deo when he saved her _ I want him to save me like that ;) I would probably melt... He's so stoic and sexy but yet funny in a dry way, and adorable... I think I'm in love XD Boone just can't help himself, can he? :P and Mazayus is just like *sigh...* But that new information from the scout was interesting, and teasing. We still don't fully know what's going on, but it uncovered a little. So are Serenity really the bad guys? I'm too scared to jump to conclusions because you do this thing of dropping false hints everywhere and it's doing my head in XD The way Kiya was talking about her people being strict put them in a bad light, which got me thinking that maybe they are the bad guys, but then it could just be to make me think that way, throwing me off track only to surprise me later on _
I really like how you got more personal with Deo and Kiya, and I loved how Deo is starting to soften up toward Kiya and grow more curious about her, and in return, she is also softening to him and understanding him more. Her self-doubt made her seem really vulnerable, and she basically exposed herself to him, and he didn't throw it back in her face, he just listened and stayed neutral. I really love the contrast between them, both physical and mental.
Boone's "Oh giggity" made me spit my drink all over myself. Has he been watching Family Guy? :P Obviously they still have it in the future haha. Yes! take that mr dagger pilot! It almost seemed too easy for the Paragons, lol. Something tells me it was just a warm up, though.
Each chapter gets more and more epic!
8/23/2013 c16 Thomas Saboy
Holy crap this chapter is amazing XD awesome job!
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