for Dimension -Removed-5/21/2013 c1 910144
Nice beginning! It sure caught my attention! It sounds like it'll be interesting. I do love to read sci-fi stories! So, in short, I can't see any major flaws in it. Like I said before, this story has potential!
signed, wizz713
Nice beginning! It sure caught my attention! It sounds like it'll be interesting. I do love to read sci-fi stories! So, in short, I can't see any major flaws in it. Like I said before, this story has potential!
signed, wizz713
5/21/2013 c2 
2KTF
The back story you are presenting here is very interesting. I am guessing that this is VERY far into the future. I had to laugh though, when I read the name of the ikamanu, because I immediately connected it to the video game, Assassin's Creed (idk if you're familiar with it or not...); it's the main character's name in the first game and the developers choose names which mean "eagle" for all of the main characters as the series progresses. I like these characters, but I kind of don't want to at the same time if they're going to die D: They seem like real people with very well developed personalities so far, and I can definitely tell the differences between their personalities. I kind of want a little more back story about why and how a partial organic/partial machine can exist, and how it functions but it's not a major concern. I am just one of those people that can't always accept the "because it just is" explanation, but I'm not as picky about my literature because it is fiction after all.
2KTFThe back story you are presenting here is very interesting. I am guessing that this is VERY far into the future. I had to laugh though, when I read the name of the ikamanu, because I immediately connected it to the video game, Assassin's Creed (idk if you're familiar with it or not...); it's the main character's name in the first game and the developers choose names which mean "eagle" for all of the main characters as the series progresses. I like these characters, but I kind of don't want to at the same time if they're going to die D: They seem like real people with very well developed personalities so far, and I can definitely tell the differences between their personalities. I kind of want a little more back story about why and how a partial organic/partial machine can exist, and how it functions but it's not a major concern. I am just one of those people that can't always accept the "because it just is" explanation, but I'm not as picky about my literature because it is fiction after all.
5/21/2013 c1 KTF
Hi! I believe you have read my story (so far) and since you asked so politely for me to read yours, I am going to do that :3
I will leave reviews on the other chapters you have posted as well. First off, I really like where this is going. It sounds like it will be a very involved and deep story, and I like how it analyzes a few important issues that people have constantly been in disagreement about and probably always will be. I am a bit overwhelmed by the introduction of all the new names in the prologue, but as with any story, I'm sure once I read more of this story, it will become more ingrained what name belongs to what thing. You're writing style is very mature for an 18 year old, which is great to see. I can't believe how many books out there are written by 30 - 50 year olds and they read like an 8th grader wrote them.
I tend to be long winded, so if you're okay with this, I will keep reviewing for you when I have things to say :3
Hi! I believe you have read my story (so far) and since you asked so politely for me to read yours, I am going to do that :3
I will leave reviews on the other chapters you have posted as well. First off, I really like where this is going. It sounds like it will be a very involved and deep story, and I like how it analyzes a few important issues that people have constantly been in disagreement about and probably always will be. I am a bit overwhelmed by the introduction of all the new names in the prologue, but as with any story, I'm sure once I read more of this story, it will become more ingrained what name belongs to what thing. You're writing style is very mature for an 18 year old, which is great to see. I can't believe how many books out there are written by 30 - 50 year olds and they read like an 8th grader wrote them.
I tend to be long winded, so if you're okay with this, I will keep reviewing for you when I have things to say :3
5/21/2013 c3 21Alienboy411676
Yay, you posted more! I love it so far. I really like the Ikamanu and your descriptions of them. I've always loved the idea of living organic starships. I'm really glad you explained more about them, they're really very interesting. Post more soon! :)
21Alienboy411676Yay, you posted more! I love it so far. I really like the Ikamanu and your descriptions of them. I've always loved the idea of living organic starships. I'm really glad you explained more about them, they're really very interesting. Post more soon! :)
5/21/2013 c3 J. Mercer
A lot of things start to get explained with enough detail at the right time to not let the reader feel lost.
I think you break the Fourth Wall a bit, but I'm not entirely sure yet whether I disagree with that or not.
A lot of things start to get explained with enough detail at the right time to not let the reader feel lost.
I think you break the Fourth Wall a bit, but I'm not entirely sure yet whether I disagree with that or not.
5/20/2013 c2 Alienboy411676
This is a good story! You should upload more. I'd love to read some more :)
This is a good story! You should upload more. I'd love to read some more :)
5/20/2013 c2 J. Mercer
You have a nice setup for a fairly massive-in-scope sci-fi universe.
I don't usually go for the grandiloquent tones of this kind of story, but they are part and parcel to what you're working with here - which is a blending of science fiction, fantasy, and religious zealotry. In that sense, I wouldn't argue it could be written differently from a stylistic point of view. Actually, it enhances it, I think, though it's still a little early to tell. It might be interesting to see that style change as the universe becomes more "humanized" with character development and exposition. For now, it still feels fairly cold and aloof - as it should.
I was intrigued by the mix of hyper-advanced technology and mystical religion, and wonder how the two get along from a sort of engineering standpoint in reference to the ship. I'm curious to see if the ship is very organic and sentient, and therefor self-sustaining, or if the crew is technically knowledgeable. On another note, it reminds me of the living ship in Farscape.
The idea of travelling between galaxies makes me wonder at the technology involved in doing so. Engines, speed, fuel - that sort of thing. You could leave that fairly vague given the spiritual focus, but I'd be interested to hear how they accomplish that in such a short period of time, considering. Also, I am curious how an organism in their bodies can create a stellar event. Not so far-fetched as to be unbelievable, but a ripe opportunity for some powerful explanation, I think.
The only thing I was truly unsure of was how well they seemed to remember "Old Earth" history. My impression of the timescale involved is that this must take place millennia into the future. Given that, I would expect more of what we consider modern history to have fallen into myth, legends, and superstition. Isaac Asimov did a good job of interpreting how that might play out in his Foundation series. The reason for this not only being how limited human lifespans are, but the tendency to lose historical data due to global (and, or stellar, in this case) catastrophes.
You have a nice setup for a fairly massive-in-scope sci-fi universe.
I don't usually go for the grandiloquent tones of this kind of story, but they are part and parcel to what you're working with here - which is a blending of science fiction, fantasy, and religious zealotry. In that sense, I wouldn't argue it could be written differently from a stylistic point of view. Actually, it enhances it, I think, though it's still a little early to tell. It might be interesting to see that style change as the universe becomes more "humanized" with character development and exposition. For now, it still feels fairly cold and aloof - as it should.
I was intrigued by the mix of hyper-advanced technology and mystical religion, and wonder how the two get along from a sort of engineering standpoint in reference to the ship. I'm curious to see if the ship is very organic and sentient, and therefor self-sustaining, or if the crew is technically knowledgeable. On another note, it reminds me of the living ship in Farscape.
The idea of travelling between galaxies makes me wonder at the technology involved in doing so. Engines, speed, fuel - that sort of thing. You could leave that fairly vague given the spiritual focus, but I'd be interested to hear how they accomplish that in such a short period of time, considering. Also, I am curious how an organism in their bodies can create a stellar event. Not so far-fetched as to be unbelievable, but a ripe opportunity for some powerful explanation, I think.
The only thing I was truly unsure of was how well they seemed to remember "Old Earth" history. My impression of the timescale involved is that this must take place millennia into the future. Given that, I would expect more of what we consider modern history to have fallen into myth, legends, and superstition. Isaac Asimov did a good job of interpreting how that might play out in his Foundation series. The reason for this not only being how limited human lifespans are, but the tendency to lose historical data due to global (and, or stellar, in this case) catastrophes.
5/19/2013 c2 66J.M. Black
Although I haven't been able to read through it all yet, this is very well written.
Don't give up on your campaign for an agent. I've also been struggle with the same things; it can be discouraging, but also produce so much more hope at the same time.
Keep writing!
66J.M. BlackAlthough I haven't been able to read through it all yet, this is very well written.
Don't give up on your campaign for an agent. I've also been struggle with the same things; it can be discouraging, but also produce so much more hope at the same time.
Keep writing!
5/18/2013 c2 4AnabellaHunter13
Yet another amazing chapter. I love the idea of the sacrifices and the sophisticated vernacular. It again all so purely wonderful and beyond imagination!
4AnabellaHunter13Yet another amazing chapter. I love the idea of the sacrifices and the sophisticated vernacular. It again all so purely wonderful and beyond imagination!
5/18/2013 c1 AnabellaHunter13
Holy freaking crap! this is the most amazing piece of work I have ever laid eyes on! words cannot describe how truly amazing this first chapter is! Oh my gosh, I would so buy this if it was published, AND IT SHOULD! Don't even continue reading my story it does little to compare with your art!
Holy freaking crap! this is the most amazing piece of work I have ever laid eyes on! words cannot describe how truly amazing this first chapter is! Oh my gosh, I would so buy this if it was published, AND IT SHOULD! Don't even continue reading my story it does little to compare with your art!
5/18/2013 c1 the-elemental-writer
I love it! :D
I have a question, did you make up the native language, or is it based off of something else?
I love it! :D
I have a question, did you make up the native language, or is it based off of something else?