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for Hell is For Automobiles

1/3/2015 c1 Tragedy of Light and Dark II
This reminded me a lot of a weird sequel to your story Worthless. I guess I can see it as a side story to it that more horroresque. I love the creepy atmosphere and attention to detail. Awesome job!
9/22/2014 c1 27Monty Mason

Was browsing the site for a horror story and decided to gave you a shot. First off, the opening is well done as it creates a sense of mystery of what is happening (something vital for horror of this type in my opinion). It really does set up the atmosphere quite nicely for the rest of the story to follow through with. However I did find one thing quite awkward in reading, the following sentence is like so: [...] sitting on top of one of the great stacks of black death.

What did you mean to say by "black" before "death"? Did you mean a despairing death?

You had something really nice going with that machine (the one with the claws and hydraulics), but it kind of got meh when you mentioned the word horror. It basically takes all the tension away when you read that word. The following sentence after that is a really nice example of creating the tension, basically take the horror word out or replace it with something more ambient (or a more subtle form or mentioning the word horror).

The sentence: "They are all disabled and defenseless against their circumstances [...]" really sticks out as it is a nice way of summarizing one of the feelings when one is faced with death, hopelessness.

Probably nothing to bash your head over but slight grammar mistake, in the paragraph talking about part replacement, you mentions "new internal parts", but then later on you only refer to one part. This may not even be a grammar mistake but if you use parts there as well, the sentence will flow better (as I see it anyways). Again, nothing to worry about too much.

Now around the halfway mark the story tends to loose its horror/psychological edge. It's more diving into a way of life, how to look at life from one perspective or another. Nothing wrong with that, in fact I like to see all the different perspectives but being a horror story, it feels as though this philosophical aspect gets dragged on a little too long. Again nothing wrong with the content, just the length.

Grammar: You would like to think that he is no longer suffered.
Fix: You would like to think that he is no longer suffering.

The basic psycho analysis that was run on each different personality was interesting showing how no matter what type of life one leads, everyone ends up at death's doorstep one time or another, and that door handle is no different for anyone. I also really liked the way you described the claw machine as it hoovered over the main character/car (was trying to avoid saying car as it could ruin the story for some, I couldn't help it! Please don't hunt me down :P), really creates a sense of panic and that yes this is it, game over.

The story does take a darker turn when it starts talk of death as a concept itself. But I think that's a good decision, it really brings a greater sense of weight to your story and the meaning behind it.

Now we get to the ending, I would say it was fitting. Nothing too spectacular as honestly I expected something like this to happen taking into account the atmosphere and the darkness of the story. And that last line is very fitting granted the other stuff that has been mentioned within this piece. It's good that you mentioned the back story of the main car, but would've been nice to know a little more. But I suppose we can leave that up to the readers to imagine and make up their own back story for that car.

There are minor mistakes, nothing that an average reader who is simply reading to relax may not necessarily pick up on. And yes I do get the meaning, believe me I've thought on these lines ever since I was a kid, after all everything does come from planet Earth.

Overall it was a nice read, I don't frequent the horror section that often (even though I've written for it lol). Hopefully some of the points mentioned in here help you out with any future fictions of this nature. If not I shall just leave while covering my face in embarrassment and then have a tantrum that I spent so much time on this review without it even helping you! :P

- Monty Mason
4/4/2014 c1 RadicalRadicals777
This is dark and haunting. I'll never think about junkyards the same way again.
3/19/2014 c1 Carl S
Someone told me I should read this if I loved cars, and they were definitely right. This story is amazing and I recommend it to anyone whether they love cars or not. This was beautiful and haunting.
3/19/2014 c1 Car Freek
Holy crap this is really good! It was creepy and detailed. I love this story!
2/21/2014 c1 HFGLF 2
I take it that this is a partnet story to Worthless in a way. I really love how great the detail is on this piece and I can tell that your writing has improved a great deal since I have read your past works. There is something horroresque and depressing about this, the emotions of the cars and the subject matter and symbolism are haunting.

Great job on a wonderful one shot.
2/14/2014 c1 King Corn
A creepy look through a car's eyes. Well-written and haunting.
10/24/2013 c1 Axis Tripper
A terrifying look at what lies in the junkyard and if humans lived in the world of an automobile. This piece is gloomy, dank and depressing. Full of poignant messages and beautifully tragic points. It makes you feel bad to be a car. Awesome piece. A true horror classic.
5/26/2013 c1 roxy
this is beautiful. i really like it. i just read worthless and it inspired me to read this story. i'm glad that i did because omg it's the best thing i've ever read about cars. i know i'm in for a nice ride with worthless.
5/26/2013 c1 Ray Chavez
So emotionally powerful. I would even say this piece is gut wrenching because it twisted me inside and made me feel sad and depressed while reading it. Your attention to detail is remarkable. Great fiction.
5/26/2013 c1 SobrietyInsanity
Grizzly and beautifully written. It really puts you in the body of a car and I can picture everything so clearly. All of the pain and betrayal that a car might feel. This is a powerful piece.
5/25/2013 c1 8Kurogane Black Ninja
People would be hard pressed to find anything as consecutively dismal as this. Great horror story.
5/25/2013 c1 TerminalTragedy
This is just...holy crap...haunting, beautiful and brutally wonderful. So much raw emotion and despair. Great read.
5/22/2013 c1 1Dark Lord Cthulhu
I freaking LOVE this story! Instant favorite with me. Nice look on what cars would really think. This story is just amazing!
5/22/2013 c1 4Malarky
This story makes me look at that song in a whole new perspective. I think I'm going to read your other story, Worthless too.

This was really interesting yet horrifying. I never knew you could do horror with cars, but this opens my eyes.
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