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8/16/2013 c1 10Complex Variable
Okay, this is odd. Very non-poetic. xo I feel like this is just a piece of flash fiction that was improperly formatted. xD

I'm not going to lie; this doesn't do anything for me, not the least of which is because I'm a teetotaler. xD

The repetitive nature of the "friend" 's dialogue is stale. More than that, however—and this resonates with my opening comment—I really don't see why this needs to be a poem. The most "poetic" parts of the poem are the three short stanzas: [I had a friend once...], [He had a way with words...], and [When he would say these things...]. Coupled with the repetitious language of those three stanzas, the way that the lines there are rhythmically construed makes it fall just short of being song-like. The arrhythmias of the longer stanzas, however, makes it difficult for me to get into a metrical groove.

If you made the stanzas more even in terms of the rhythm of the lines and the line length, you might be able to pass this off as a quasi-song. Or, you could increase the "poeticness" of the language. One of my best english teachers defined poetry as the way of communicating as much emotion and idea and sensation as possible in the least amount of words. The very casual nature of the language you use here (Ex: [My friend never paid his rent on time, / he always brought a different girl home, / and he was always drunk or high].) doesn't feel up to that. By saying everything here in the vernacular, I think you lose touch with the "do a lot with a little" mentality that characterizes the use of language in poetry.

At least, that's my opinion on the matter. :3

CV
6/14/2013 c1 414The Story Crafter
Wow! Absolutely love this piece! I get the vision of this character who is the definition of walking the line between good and evil so to speak. Not quite, but I'm having a hard time explaining what I mean but it will suffice. The repetition works extremely well and I must say kudos to you sir. Hard to use repetition, and you nailed it! I just love that it tells a story and the ending, wow! The ending is the best part about it because it wasn't at all what I expected, it's kind of bittersweet. Good to see you around, and keep putting them out and I promise I will get around to reviewing them! :)

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