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5/27/2013 c1 Raphluo
A great piece delicately design. I wasn't quite sure what to make of this story at the very beginning, but then gradually got drawn in as it introduces the main character's interaction with the sword. And the end was really surprising.

But also not so surprising when reflecting on how the writer provided hints on Ahmad Bel-Azir not being the hero: 1st, he drink wine when out of water: no real hero would do that. 2. Ahmad just doesn't sound like a hero's name :)

It kinda reminds me of a friend's story published on my site in terms of plot. You can google "Thirst for Chaos Jungle age" to find it.
5/27/2013 c1 5S.Annie
Well, ain't that a kick in the teeth? I would feel sorry for Ahmad, but hey, that's life, right? One man profits from another's misfortune. Or a sword profits from the suffering and imminent death of a man who unwittingly helps destiny along a bit.

Anyway, this was good, very good. I enjoyed just about everything about it; the writing style, the story, the way that somehow the sword destined to defeat evil was painted in an almost sinister light (at least that was the way it was to me, I honestly got a bit of a cold shiver from it). Also, the writing was well done in the sense that there's not much for me to critique, but I'm not that great at that anyway.

Things that I would change were really just things like: 'it had no heat, yet neither any coolness' to 'it had no heat, nor any coolness'. To me using 'nor' gives the sentence a better flow than using 'yet neither any'. Also, where you have 'And destiny churned' written in italics with 'churned' in bold as well, I would change it to simply having 'churned' not in italics without being in bold. But that's just style thing that would make it look better to me, there's nothing wrong with the way you have it written now.

So, yeah, I can't think of anything else to say, but there was probably something. Oh well. Thanks for giving me something that I could waste five minutes of my time on without feeling that it was a waste.

- .W ( _)/

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