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6/10/2013 c2 44professional griefer
I didn't really like the opening scene. While I thought the whole 'guilty conscience' thing was hilarious, I got confused by how they got to calling her a caveman. I just don't understand how flipping her hair over her head equates to being like a caveman...it could just be me, but I was very confused.

I really liked the ending. The way you handle the absurd in this story is so great, because you make everything else so realistic that when pigs fly or buffalos stampede a school, it's startling, but somehow believable. And I think that's great-I don't know if it's what you were going for, but I personally like it. If you had too much absurdity, it would be annoying, but it's perfect the way it is. But back to the actual ending, it's definitely a good cliffhanger.

Great work.
6/9/2013 c2 1k+Faithless Juliet
Lots of new scenes and range of emotion! I'm slightly confused how all of the students knew Florence was responsible for the pig incident. But I might have mussed something, that is really my only qualm.

I loved the eraser scene with Charms. The way you wrote it was very delightful but I could really feel Florence awkward nature breaking through the surface and I think that was great character development.

I thought the proceeding scenes were a bit people heavy and it was hard for me to keep track of everyone. I loved the french classroom scene, so clever, it reminds me of my own highschool french class.

Overall I'm very intrigued by your world and what part Florence and her new abilities will have in it. Keep up the good work.

Juliet.
6/9/2013 c1 wisedec4u
I thought this first chapter was hilarious. I loved how you started out with the orderly Mr. Nash and comparing his family to general's officers. It appears that his life is quite routine and that is exactly how he likes it. Florence is the one thing that adds a bit of chaos to his rigid routine. I love how you showed this in a subtle way at the beginning when all his sons answered appropriately, she didn't. It was funny how uneasy that seem to make her parents. Right then, I knew there was something different about this girl. However, nothing prepared me for what was to come. The pig's flying dream took me totally by surprise. I liked how her father and mother was still trying to make sense of this whole thing, though it was apparent that this was not result of a tornado or being attacked by some unknown enemy. You also did good job of leaving a cliffy at the end. It definitely made me want to read on to find out what other powers this girl has.
6/9/2013 c1 Faithless Juliet
I really loved the ambiance and the mood of this opening chapter. I liked the regimental feel of the father and the brothers, all the way down to the mothers floral. Even though the world is somewhat fantastical you really ground it with a solid foundation and nothing felt out of place.

I was really captivated by your characters here, they all had just the right spark and pizzazz. In particular the father and Florence stood out to me. I'm very intrigued to see what will happen next and I think you left the reader with a great hook (i.e. the boy who knew Florence caused the pig phenomenon) I'm definitely wondering how he knew. Can't wait to read more.

Juliet.
6/8/2013 c1 44professional griefer
I love the dialogue in this. It's such a good representation of everyday family life, at least in the beginning-I really got a realistic feel, and that kept up all through this, despite the whole pig situation.

I'm not sure I like everyone's reactions in the last part though. It seems really unrealistic that her parents would want her to go to school after pigs have just destroyed their house. Also, that people would just be so chill about the whole thing.

Also, just one nitpick: ["And, there's aholein the roof,"]

Great work.
6/7/2013 c3 12Skye Hawthorne
Well wow...the third chapter didn't disappoint. Once again, I found it way too absurd that she cared more about her homework diary than the buffalos. But it was funny as usual (lol Porkgate), and the scene with the parents was visceral and real, which I very much enjoyed. And you really ended the chapter with a cliffhanger!
6/5/2013 c2 Skye Hawthorne
I can't say I liked how the people reacted to the pigs, I mean total devastation and they're all excited? They should be traumatized! And that they didn't try to convince the teacher anymore about the pigs than they did also seemed unnatural.

But I really liked the messages in this. I like the descriptions of the parents arguing, and of being the unpopular kid in class, and of the daydreaming girl. This is very well written, I don't know if you are, but I hope you write another chapter.
6/5/2013 c1 14Shampoo Suicide
I really enjoyed this! I don't have much to offer in the way of constructive feedback, but I can tell you what I did like about it. Firstly, the characterization. I can picture Florence and her parents so well so far. Secondly, I really appreciated how you made the pigs flying seem so plausible, the tone of the writing was so whimsical that it just felt like, of course the pigs are flying now. Thirdly, it definitely made me want to read on, which I did, so I can say fourthly I loved the opening to chapter two. Great job!
5/31/2013 c1 5Dr. Self Destruct
I really love how you're able to get across the time period without having to come out and say it. I can easily picture this happening sometime in the near past, probably around the 60's or so. I'm able to piece it together so well not only from the terminology the characters use, but also their clothing (especially the mother's), and the whole telephone system. Not to mention everything has that whole "perfect American family" vibe to it, even though I know it's not happening in the US. But still, it has that vibe, nonetheless. xD

I also really like the tone of this story, too. It's really hard to pull off making flying pigs believable, but you do it so well from the beginning. You set that expectation with the strange circumstances of the family itself, I think. How everything is just way too perfect and follows a strict schedule, to the point that the pigs flying seem almost more normal in comparison. It has an almost Harry Potter feel to it. Which I really like, because Harry Potter was the same way: a certain tone needed to be delivered right in the beginning to set the atmosphere and show the reader what to expect. Which you tackle rather marvelously here.

I really enjoy that paragraph where you're describing the pigs hitting the house. Your use of the sentence fragments makes everything feel more chaotic and faster-paced, and I really enjoy that. It has a nice rhythm to it, too, like I can hear the pigs hitting the house with each description. And those poor pigs. I hope they're all okay. D:

The description of Florence's hair is just hilarious. I actually had hair just as long as that a few months ago until I finally cut it all off, up to my chin (talk about a shock). So I can totally understand how she feels when she feels like she's "more hair than person." It's kinda scary how a person's hair can almost take on an identity of its own.

I really enjoyed this! I don't have any complaints or suggestions so far, so keep at it! Your writing is lovely. :)

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