5/25 c5 6Viewer27Man
Italic thoughts are followed by waking pains on a rock slab in the dark. Some of our heroes' bones made it! He then notices water before moving. Cold and pain later he's calm enough to conjure some light and see that the cave is a cave. He thinks then hurts, physically then mentally. After breaking his broken rib-saving armor further with a tap he uses his sword as a crutch. Now what? No hope for signals and tired he moves, the light goes out, and has thoughts questioning what he knew. Numbness later he concludes then no theorizes a conspiracy, and concludes to talk to his dad or uncle, but first the exit. He heads for the green light and conjures more light. He finds a dead end, then the green glow again, then a green crystal. He then finds colored runes and crystals that look familiar like his sword's. History thoughts later puts his sword in a slit and nothing happens. With a trip it turns the crystal and by glow a door dramatically opens. Taking his sword back he enters, conjures light, and finds this isn't actually a cave; there are pictures of knights and dragons, and thanks to his education he thinks he knows what this place might be. He looks around finding interesting architecture. In a statue's forehead he finds a blue crystal with a slot and inserts his sword. Nothing happens except the statue's eyes open and it stares at him. Then after some shaking a purple, hovering crystal is revealed. He marvels, touches the crystal, it glows brighter, he hallucinates a pentagram and a gong sound, and the crystal turns gold and opens to reveal a silver orb like an egg. Ripples later reptilian limbs come out and it hatches into a dragon. It looks at him, he considers killing it, and it gives an echoing yell then a coughing spell. Then it apologizes about its stuffy throat. They discuss our hero's surprise at the talking then run out of topics. Name forgotten it's revealed that the dragon is a dragon. Our hero gasps. The dragon blasts a crystal wall with a sneeze as our hero doesn't trust it or its existence. He then just goes with it and gives his name and title. They shake with our hero cautious. Questions later the dragon doesn't know what a human is. Our hero names the dragon on the spot. Then the dragon tackles our injured hero for a hug. After our hero says how he got here the dragon's hungry, but no eating humans or...you'll explode or a heart attack. Then he's questioned if he's seen a dragon before, and he explains books, and that the dragons were killed. After shock the dragon questions the wording. Our hero gives the whole history lesson with reminders it was long ago. The dragon gets angry then coughs and calms a bit. The real truth is questioned. Our hero throws out guesses of possibilities of hope. The dragon leads our hero back into the cave and more cave amidst our hero's internal debate and head smashes a wall to a way to light smelling something weird. They hear the floor collapsing, and our hero grabs a rock and the dragon so they don't fall, and is then buried by rocks. Then our hero finds the rock broken and that he's got no new pain. He doesn't see the dragon. A stalactite falls as the dragon warns him. He should knows catching it won't work, but it does; the ground breaks more than him. He tries to call for the dragon, but has trouble. Feeling his throat sounds like a click of metal. The dragon's voice is coming from his metal skin that melts off and becomes the dragon. It was a reflex. The dragon turns his arm into a sword to test it. After the dragon's apology our hero sees him as a teen, trusts him more, pets him, and thanks him; they're buddies now. They shake for food, a good idea. They pass more water, find a way up to light, and our hero goes over history interesting the dragon. They find sunlight, but aren't free of rocks yet. Our hero climbs and finds the ocean and a metropolis. He figures out he drifted after falling. The dragon wants food, but this might be a dirty place, not physically though, and gets the place's history, so now it's 'fun' but expensive. Positive: security here's low so contacting home should be easy to which the dragon asks why the contact would get him in trouble, but advertisement is not recommended. He could use a shirt. They find an apple tree and eat the fruit to some level of satisfaction. Seeing an airship prompts our hero to think to hide the dragon somehow. He remembers this is the place where carts are pulled by giant cats via ball on a string. The dragon morphs into a slimmer metallic one with wings. Our hero magics up makeshift sleeves and a hood then finds he's got money in his boot. He's going to get in touch with home, but the dragon reminds him the people there tried to kill him. He wants to clear things up and get answers. They take a bus. Our hero rests, thinks about all the stressors right now, and is woken up on it being extra to go further. The driver questions our hero about the talking cat dragon some and his familiar face. Our hero leaves quickly. The pair comment on the flashy lights and the kingly guy on TV announcing his death to terrorism with his mom and sister weeping. His dad excuses no search kind of fast, and his brothers look like they feel bad. The father blames the terrorists for everything and has a funeral to do. No questions. The press is being the press. After hearing all that our hero's shocked again. His reasoning argues with itself with a possibility that his dad's in on this. He then sees a business man that's come up talk to him like a friend. Our hero is going mad.

Every chapter seems quite different from the last. There's notably more humor in this chapter, which is, in ways, the craziest yet. Richard wanders through the cave after the intro incident following the intro chapters leading up to the...intro... and finds a metal-morphing dragon that can talk he names Greymont. They leave the cave and find Las Midas. The dragon turns into a metal cat. His father announces he's dead but his story is way off.

Richard might as well be a video game protagonist at this point: He's able to spelunk a great distance with basically a little HP left. Stamina issues can wait for the plot to catch up. It seems convenient the way to Greymont opens up for his sword like that, but honestly he didn't have it in him for anything more and isn't lucky to be in the hole to begin with.

Las Midas... I like that name. Also giant cats that carry carts via ball on string is very interesting.

The biggest concern over his father's announcement is indeed how quickly he seems to have given up on searching for Richard's body. The only intuitive answer that comes to mind so far with that fact is that the king is in on what happened. (If it was just the false details of the incident his father being misinformed would've been enough of an explanation)

I didn't get a clear idea for Greymont's size on first description. It took a while later to know exactly how big he was. Him seeming to be just hatched made me initially think pet size, but Richard's initial fear made that not seem the case. From what I read he seems approximately Richard's size or maybe a bit smaller.

Favorite Part: The name Las Midas and of course the giant cats pulling carts via ball on a string... I find the imagery hilarious but accept that it would be a normal thing in this universe.

12/28/2024 c3 Viewer27Man
Our hero is relaxed, physically. As he waits for magic to recover and his dad to return in a preferred less official docking bay he thinks about the history of his family. He wonders what his dad, who hung out with others more, will think. Then everyone gets into position. Our hero is greeted by several people, including some twins who can't agree about who helped who, and he greets a girl who's dressed differently and changes his heart rate. After small talk the hatch dramatically opens. The artsy and practical ship lands with a breeze. Several people leave, including notable siblings and 2 characters from the prologue set later. The king, with every single aspect of him dramatic, leaves last. His wife and the uncle chat with him, giving the floor to our hero about the exam. Our hero gives the news and the king and gets warm acknowledgement. He's needed for the ranks for safety prompting a question about a plot that's nothing for the wife to worry about. The voice of a an unnoticed business man that stands out interrupts reunion to call dibs on a meeting. Then the bulky mean guy from the prologue insultingly asks our hero how he passed. His mother vouches for him, and the bulky guy is hungry. The lance guy from the prologue dislikes the wording, but kind of agrees and questions our hero's will to kill. The prospect leaves our hero uncertain, and the lance guy doesn't accept disobedience, and our hero agrees to follow whatever the plan is, but first: food & rest. Our hero's mom and sister reinforce the positive feedback from the king who was sick. The girl who makes him blush says she put effort into setting up the banquet. Days pass without idle time. He's apprentice class. The main planning area has a room with tech: computers, holographic screens, radar, and his own chair. He gets a friendly tease for being late but not really, and dad-the king's there. The guy twin says for an official welcome but the girl twin makes him cringe back into his chair with a stink eye, before correcting that it's mostly for mission briefings, and as he adds to remind everyone who's in charge making everyone jump. The surprisingly sneaky king puts them at ease before announcing his son who gives acknowledgement of modest rambling that ultimately makes our hero want to face-palm, but it's unique at least. A map comes up and it is discussed how a czar may cause a major conflict. People have died, but he hasn't done anything major enough to be considered an invasion, but our hero doesn't think he or any leader's crazy enough to start a war. Attacks probably come from allies from the shadows. Our hero guesses the plan's to find out who and take them out, but the direct way of that would make them the aggressors, so the essential plan (though a test, though with real death, even for innocents) is to intercept them and figure out what's going on. Our hero is determined to not fail. The briefing turns to a mythril mining settlement at the foot of a mountain that nations are trying to steal. A sought gem is brought up among the warring of people, and a truce-causing meteor is narrated that broke a lot and broke all over into the energy-filled sought gem that took out 1/8 of an empire. The truce followed. The czar is interested in the stuff and not for a gallery. The enemy must be stopped at all costs. The king dismisses them except for our hero. The lance guy and bulky guy give their resolves in their own words then discuss a missing princess and one with her with the condescending brother chiming in, but the lance guy chimes back. The king looks at the condescending brother with his gem-infused eye, prompting the brother to change gears to blaming the media. The bulky guy says this will be easy and talks down about how our hero should stay out of the way. Our hero disagrees, but is unsure, but the dad thinks he isn't ready, but only because he's not equipped yet, and why he's going with his dad. Our hero is excited to get his armor and a cool sword. The condescending brother argues the sword is too cool for him. The king corrects him that it's all about style. After being thanked the king tells our hero that running away makes most a coward, but would shame the nation if he does it. Our hero wants to proclaim his loyalty, but feels too weighed down to do so. They can go except the king wants to discuss tech with the condescending brother. The lance guy says a bit to our hero who will have to see how it goes. Our hero can't research yet so he anxiously waits for the call and practices a little. The call comes in about sabotage attempts. An overaggressive mistake could mean boom. They send the 3 named guys from the prologue. The blush girl greets him and they chat about how anxious he is, and a dinner celebration later. It'll be fine with the lance guy there. Our hero tries to reassure her of his significance, but it isn't too reassuring. She grows him a blue rose to start a new good luck charm tradition, and part of her watching over him. Deal: don't tell his sister if he doesn't let the flower get hurt. His room is the safest place, and she gives him a joking hard time over this. After a display of feelings our hero spots the lance guy and decides to go. Our hero is ready, he triple checked. Our hero notices the businessman speaking to the king and bulky guy, having been here a week, but that's not unusual. Our hero announces his eagerness to his dad, before being reminded by the lance guy to not let his guard down, reducing eagerness. The king's advice: don't hesitate, no mercy, and also he will feel fear and not give into it, and third to wave bye to the family. The family shows up to see them off as the ship takes off. The uncle questions if this is the best test for our hero and how things could turn ugly. The king is sure of him, and adds coldly that death is better than disgrace. Before being questioned on coldness he warms up making the uncle jolly. On the 6-hour flight our hero mingles, eats, checks his notes, gets the warning alert, and finds a vase for his rose. The plan is to root out the bad guys by checking the power plant then the mines. Easy enough, but the bulky guy says to not be cocky and the lance guy says townspeople may be supporting the bad guys, catching our hero off guard. The ship lands and our hero can see a mega store. Our hero has to prove himself to get his helmet. Maybe the helmets are just for show against plasma shots. A good number of people greet them, though don't seem excited. The lance guy talks to the mayor about why they're here, but he has nothing to add. The bulky guy wants to see the layout and the lance guy tells an officer to deploy the exo-suit units that our hero gets to see for the first time. They have a history, and there is research to make these big things bigger. The exo-suits make the mayor sweat, but are just there to prevent surprises. Our hero takes a tour, but finds the place boring. A ball bumps our hero's metal arm as he reaches for his sword until he realizes it's just a kid here to fix his hover scooter. The kid inquires if they'll stop the bad guys, and our hero says if they're asking for trouble. Our hero then fixes the scooter with his magic earning the boy's thanks. The kid is excited by the prospect of the big exo-suits fighting and they discuss specs until his on edge mother tugs him away to stay indoors. Our hero then follows the group to the inactive power plant. It can't afford to be struck again. Only basics like lighting are on in the plant. Blackened marks are a sign this was no mere error. The workers point out footprints, the bulky guy gives his kind of remark, and how the culprit got in is the mystery. Our hero notes that they'd want to bail if it was a bomb and considers that it might be magic, but the mayor mentions fragments of likely a bomb, and our hero says that this didn't look right to him from studying the briefing. Our hero is happy at the lance guy's compliment for 1 minute. On being asked about how he learned of the attack the mayor pulls off his glasses while hiding something and bringing up other leads. The mayor throws his glasses while the lance guy smacks them away. The lance and bulky guys react while our hero is suprised. A worker hits a button, a glyph lights up, and the forces get shocked. Our hero feels pain and numbness while he can't move and thinks: It's a trap!

Long chapters are par for the course of this one. Richard meets his father then is basically seen off with all his basic ins and outs of getting started as a Magna Centurion. Then he goes to Zaylor with his unit on his mission with Steiner and Orion that ends up as a trap by the mayor and workers.

This mission looks like it's leading into the events of the prologue, but given Richard's opposition to Steiner and Orion basically at the start of that it seems likely there's a bit more that goes on. The impressions given this and the previous chapter paint a very different picture of how Richard knew these people and saw his position (His current allies seemed like the bad guys there).

The technology of this world feels like it's advancing rapidly with each chapter. In this one they've got radar, computers, holographic displays, power plants, hover scooters, and giant mechas. It's gone to some more blatant level of sci-fi now.

We learn about the destructive potential of Kaisonite and thus why it's viewed with such interest.

We also get to meet King Andross: Richard's dad. He seems interesting with his sometimes kind of playful demeanor amidst tense situations he's in or would make tense because of his authority. He also doesn't seem to flaunt his authority so far, and rather the results of what works, as a first impression at least. There is the moment of him being cold that makes me wonder if more is going on, especially given the prologue, but this is a very different picture than I had in mind from the prologue.

Among the new characters in this chapter Kristen (only mentioned before) is the second most notable. She's got some romance going with Richard. She holds dinners and gives him a blue flower from her magic.

There are a number of characters mentioned that don't seem particularly relevant yet, however it seems like acknowledgment of them makes sense for the characters for what will probably come.

Favorite Part: How the king snuck into the meeting room and introduce himself with a remark of a seemingly casual delivery that seems to be in part to mess with them a little for some levity.

6/26/2024 c2 6Viewer27Man
A week ago after the normal rainbow of morning our hero is woken up by a young lady, his sister, so he's not late for a test. After light sibling banter that may imply he's ugly our hero is worried but hopeful about the test as can be seen from the body language of his special arm. His sister tries to cheer the prince up saying that mom is actually making pancakes and has fun witnessing his enthusiasm before he's greeted by 2 servant women. He knows how to navigate his castle home, tall and full of history, well. After narration's tour of the castle and city our hero meets his mother in the royal dining room for delicious breakfast and a lot of breakfast. His many-titled and magician uncle shows up late and explains jokingly because of a call he had to make for a conference next week. The uncle likes the breakfast except for that 1 bad idea that 1 time...In conversation a prince lost a bet over an electric ball sport and got in trouble over gambling. The uncle tries to reassure our hero over his exam concerns and then in response to the sister's exam ribbing ribs her about her exam concerns. She complains it's not fair and gets criticized over her nights out which she complains isn't fair because her older sister does the same, but is corrected as politics not partying. The sister insists she has her historical essay, the uncle points out has a rather long title about slaying dragons. The figure and his bunch in fact made a plague to defeat the dragons and the figure wasn't the guy who actually slayed the named dragon, that was his friend that died. After getting THE explanation on the importance of history the young lady gets mad and tells the uncle to leave. Our hero declares he's ready, thanks his mom for breakfast, and gets a motherly response. He says so he can be proudly part of the family, and his mother says he already is. He tries to reassure her that he'll be a hero who fights bad guys, but she doesn't find this reassuring. While wishing him luck his sister then mentions someone to see him later that adds pressure, and he leaves with his sister giggling and his mom not hungry. The men of our hero's family were good at this test. After an elevator ride and a room of military personnel he then meets 3 armored men with a mix of weapons that he's happy to see. They're eager for fresh meat, but in the chat bring up that they've got work to do, and wish him luck before leaving. Our hero then admires the architecture of the room before the uncle passcodes him into the next room. The room of the ever-changing test goes dark, which our hero is ready for this time, to shine a spot light on a stone chair for our hero. The uncle goes into serious mode to tell our hero to cast a spell with his wand. After a brief narration on magic theory and bloodlines with 'wand' as an acronym for a device our hero recalls he wasn't told to bring one, but the uncle was just teasing. Our hero gets the uncle's retro bracelet for a wand and after the uncle's nostalgia of tradition, must move a ball to a platform with just magic, actually a difficult task for many. Our hero opts to use a hand of wind to lift the ball then is distracted by rings of fire. He guides the ball on a quest through numerous multi-shaped rings of fire with some close calls and a second wind hand to the platform, and that's just the warm up. The scenario and combat skills tests in a shifting room of increasing craters go well, though his freezing of boulders could've been timed better. He's tired for the final test: a giant fire ape bio-weapon that smashes in while protecting real-looking kid hostage props within a time limit enforced by the shrinking blazing cage arena. After commenting on the uncle's sense of humor our hero charges in. The ape belches a fireball. Our hero dodges and freezes the ape with an ice ball. Before our hero can break it to win the ape breaks free angrier and uses his aura to become a pillar of fire as all the problems escalate. Our hero opts to try the sword, the ape opts to try boxing, and the fire punches are parried, but it's hot. The ape ultimately grabs the sword and is about to belch another fireball, but our hero stabs him by turning his metal arm into a blade. The ape tries to bite his head off, but bleeds to death first with the removal of the blade arm. The fire cage disappears and the illusion prop children cheer their thanks before turning back to rocks. It was close, but he passed. There's a live performance test still, but he's a Magna Centurion now. Our hero second guesses the wisdom of his finishing move while the uncle his jestingly reassuring the opponent is dead. After the talk of times and tough choices he hopefully won't face. The conversation reveals our hero lost his arm when he failed the test before and that his dad, the head of the order let him try again. Our hero has to be reminded of mom's lesson by the uncle who speaks of his ancestor's history and what it means for him to be an elite soldier. Our hero wants to be a hero to save lives that the uncle hesitates on with his words before doing an 'official' passing declaration. Our hero is happy, but it's too late for pancake leftovers. They leave the destroyed exam room back to the elevator and are first greeted by his nervous mom and sister. The mom is relieved to hear he passed, but the sister hugs him first. On the description of the test the sister wishes she could've seen the fire ape. With plenty of time to take a bath and his clothes off to be cleaned our hero is about to leave when his condescending hot half-brother condescends him, bragging of clean clothes and insulting over losing his arm in a hole while our hero retorts back a bit with the uncle's back up. The mom breaks it up, but the half-brother's look and response aren't nice. The mom gets angry and he gets meaner saying she isn't his mother. The uncle tries to break this up, but the half-brother doesn't like the mom because she's a type of person before the uncle interrupts and threatens to tell on him. The half-brother backs off with a little more back-and-forth with our hero then leaves. The sister gets the last words insulting the half-brother's caller ID issues and ego. There are brooding emotions as we learn about the late first queen the half-brother was close to. Then it's time for our hero's bath and a massage while mom and sister do their program work. The sister is a bit upset at this, but she didn't have the dangerous exam today. Our hero feels triumphant.

We begin the real first chapter and it's also very long. It's got a VERY different overall tone from the prologue. It's a week earlier and we learn about Richard's life and who he grew up with and what his mother, sister, and uncle are like to him (all supportive). Then he takes on an exam to test his magic before fighting a big fire ape. Then he has a confrontational chat with his half-brother whose bringing family drama into his insults before finally getting the chance to relax.

There's a lot going on here. A lot of characters seem to say about everything they have on their minds, leaving no quip unturned. It amounts to a lot, but it also flows well. There are also a lot of subplots that are hinted on at many steps of this chapter. The chapter ends at a good stop too.

The world is crazier than the first chapter let on with the bio-engineered monster for the test and the history lesson of slaying dragons with a created plague. Also caller IDs and movies being a thing give insight at the technology level of this world.

So now we've got to find out how Richard got to the prologue incident where he seems to have rebelled.

Favorite Part: The giant fire ape bio-weapon in the final test. I think terms for what all it is speak for themselves.

4/3/2024 c1 6Viewer27Man
Our story begins in a town used to summer days there are tragic explosions instead with people trying to escape to a mine entrance. A woman escapes with children behind a rising rock wall away from cannon fire and laser-targeting guns of military men. A young man in fancy armor with a name leaps in and exchanges quips due to being acquainted as he looks at the fallen men, women, and children. The soldiers ask him to surrender, but are hesitant to attack because he's a third prince. The prince evades a loud boulder and gets mocked by a big buff bald bulky man with a fancy sword. They discuss warning shots and another insult making the prince angry. The prince argues ethics; the bulky guy and commander argue the power of the group he belongs to criticizing the opposition like it's from a kid's cartoon, and claims the mine is valuable while the fleeing people are not, and that their job ain't pretty. The prince considers it briefly, and question's his father's info, but ultimately draws a sword against the plasma rifles. He prepares a spell while mostly evading blasts and reflecting the next set into the rifles and those holding them. He leaps in the middle, scaring them, and then slashes a threatening gun and hand making them want to fight back more. With survivors safely away the prince busts out a new move: a pillar quake. It fails to get the commander guy who gets the prince cuffed and electrified. Things look grim until the prince says another spell name and shapeshifts his arm, that turns out to be artificial, into a spike into the commander's rifle, blowing it up. The prince then slams a rod into the burnt commander's neck choking him and giving him a chance to smack him in the head with it. The bulky guy's elevator is late and he decides to fight with twin blades while boasting. The prince shifts the color of his first spell and they clash blades hard enough to crumble the ground under their feet and the prince's metal arm before it turns into a metal spike. In the brawl the prince evades and looks for an opening while losing stamina while the bulky guy goes for decisive anti-limb blows if they connect. After the fight moves a bit the prince freezes the bulky guy with a snowball grenade. The bulky guy shatters his way out, losing a little blood, rams the prince into a hillside, and combines his swords to form pincers, his signature move. The pincers pince into the prince as the bulky guy monologues. The prince counters with a magic punch that misses, but the avalanche of crate contents it makes doesn't. The prince then gives the angry bulky man a death sentence. A newcomer blocks the finishing blow and punches the prince flying. The report-giving newcomer also does not care about the helpless dead. A debate about honor follows, and then they fight. Fireballs fly, the metal arm takes more damage, an emblem bursts forth, the lance-wielding newcomer rockets into the sky, and comets back down. After being blown up by the landing the prince tries to flail ineffectively, and gets cut. The sadistic bulky guy requests to finish the worn out prince, but the lance guy counters the attempted counter by bashing the prince's head into the ground. As they debate an old man jumps on the bulky man's back trying to blow both of them up, but the bulky man slams him into the ground. After sadistic monologuing the bombs fall and blow up. The blast gets the 3 armored warriors to flee the vicinity as resulting rocks hit the prince's foes. A little girl comes out to cry for her grandfather to which the bulky man sadistically boasts. The prince angrily requests for him to stop. The bulky guy tries to kill her with a spell the prince cuts in half to blast 2 spots away, and revealing an explosive mineral that explodes as the lance guy puts up a shield spell. The mine is destroyed, and the prince escapes. The lance guy scolds and nearly strangles the bulky guy for the destruction of the mine and his attitude, and scares the bulky guy into complying after some back and forth. With the onslaught continuing in the background, the lance guy considers explaining this to his family as a zeppelin lands. The injured prince is lying in on his face in a dark underground cave where rubble falls. He ponders what happened and looks at his the insignia of his group.

That was a long prologue... This story gets tense immediately with a war-like tone and debates about individual value. It also has long fight scenes and speeches. The robot arm and serious themes make Fullmetal Alchemist come to mind, though this world seems ahead of that era in terms of modernization (they have zeppelins).

In response to the slaughter Richard fights for the individual ethics of the situation against those he was intended to be allies with. As much as he tries to make Richard 'see reality' the context before them doesn't make Orion's position any more appealing to the reader. And Steiner's just sadistic and short-tempered.

The fight scenes were long and has several speeches of a decent size before and after combat scenes. The speeches are all in context and show the view points of the fighters. Richard faces the commander, Steiner, and then gets practically beaten by Orion before the area explodes. Richard, Orion, and Steiner demonstrate the magic to expect in the fights to come. Orion with a lance and a big jump attack reminds me of dragoons from the Final Fantasy series.

Richard's injured in a cave. This story could go in all kinds of directions from here.

I know this was updated years ago, but I'm returning a review here, there was nothing particularly recent, and this was the first of 3 stories from what I saw.

Favorite Part: Frost Surge. It's a freezing snowball grenade, and is underestimated too. I don't think I've seen that as an attack spell anywhere before that I feel like I should've seen before. It's also a somewhat light-hearted bit of a scene compared to the serious attempt to slaughter all around.

10/16/2022 c31 JaveHarron
Well, the worldbuilding was one of the strongest aspects of your work here. A lot of them are based on blatant national stereotypes, but those are at least a starting point. However, there's also a bit of in-universe bias for some of this dialogue (which is more immersive) and can get the reader thinking on on reliable narrator... This was actually my favorite chapter so far.

10/16/2022 c29 JaveHarron
Strickland is a fun character, especially the brutal way he offs his former paramour. That said, the closing interaction with Roxanne and Voltaire was my favorite bit of dialogue. Again, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, every issue I mentioned was still present here.

10/16/2022 c27 JaveHarron
Okay, I liked the Detective Starlin and Voltaire bit earlier this chapter, but your writing style does not connect for me. The good news is that the action is far more intense, since this is near the conclusion of book 1. Bad news? All the flaws from my last reviews are still present.

10/15/2022 c25 JaveHarron
I did enjoy the meeting with the Don, but once more, dialogue went on excessively long. A lot seemed like filler and repeats on points the conversations already brought up. That said, the Magna Obelisk bits were interesting, and morality of tactics was something I'm pleasantly surprised came up. However, the verbose dialogue and lack of description makes it hard to follow. You have expansive worldbuilding, so show us more of what it is like and how these characters act in person.