Just In
for Barely Breathing

9/16/2013 c1 cvbnjmhjkjhgfv
Again, I'm sorry I can't read it because I came here too late. Ah, well. I'm still clinging onto the hope that I can read this when you publish it.
7/10/2013 c7 13VelvetyCheerio
I'm really getting a vibe for this story and the elements of friendship in it. I like how it feels so natural and just flows. The hand-holding scene was adorable. I could picture it so well. And aah, a few questions answered. I liked the way you wove those little details in.

Will's mysterious scar and the way he avoided Tawny's question about past history... hmm, very suspicious. I'm curious to see what you have planned.

One thing: if Tawny had a spare this entire time, why was she so devastated two chapters ago about being locked out of the vehicle?
7/10/2013 c7 2Irony'sFriend
I already love them so much! This beautiful little forest scene speaks so much for their relationship. Will is guarded and careful, but Tawny keeps finding ways to break past his barriers. Even if he doesn't understand her kindness, he's still drawn by it. They're so perfect!

But I'm still curious about Will's family. There's obviously something going on there, but I have no idea what it is. I wonder how Tawny will react to it? Well, maybe their little lunch date will put them on the right path. I can't wait to see how it goes!

But I also have a feeling we haven't seen the last of Riley. I just pray he doesn't get one of them alone. Then again...a rescue scene would be cute... Either way, I know whatever you have planned will be absolute genius. I can't wait for more!
7/10/2013 c7 EverlastingBlueSkyXD
I love your description of the pond! It leaves a sense of...magic, I would say. I suppose that's why you're called MagicWords.
7/7/2013 c6 Irony'sFriend
Sometimes I want to just shake characters until they see sense. Of course, that's part of the fun of reading, but still. Will, this girl likes you! You're meant to be! Trust her!

Of course, it will be just that special when he does trust her. I love their characters, and I can't wait to see how they'll develop. I get the feeling they'll be good for each other and help each other, and I'm happy to tag along on their journeys.

This story is shaping up to be so suspenseful and thrilling. I can't wait to see where it goes! Please update soon!
7/7/2013 c5 Irony'sFriend
Full length? That's fantastic! I was wondering how you were going to make this a short story, but I have to say that I'm thrilled. Everything about this is so chilling and lovely. I'm more than happy for it to be longer.

I just love how two complete strangers are suddenly thrown into each other's lives. Those are some of my favorite stories to read. I mean, just a little while ago, they hadn't even spoken, and now they're running for their lives together. Already, I can see their characterization developing.

Also, I love your writing style in this. It has more of a horror quality, but it's still graceful. Hard to describe, but it's a pleasure to read.
7/7/2013 c4 Irony'sFriend
Your snowflake metaphor is genius! It was chilling and elegant, but realistic and raw. I was very impressed.

Now I'm curious. What is going on in Will's life that he is so suspicious of any sort of kindness? I get that he's bullied at school and basically ignored, but what's his home life like? Is there something else as well?

Now there's Tawny to consider. Of course, she is completely innocent, so will she be wrapped up in Will's problems? Judging by the first chapter, I'm forced to think so. Oh, it's building up so nicely! I must read on!
7/5/2013 c6 69xt7loena
oh... reading from Will's perspective is like reading my own thoughts sometimes (though I'm guessing he has a dark secret somewhere and last time I checked I don't have that... XD )...

yeah! make a full novel of this! 8D

greetz, Luna
7/5/2013 c6 13VelvetyCheerio
Is it weird that I find Will's need to always notice Tawny's beauty kind of creepy? ._. I guess it's cause his actions and his thoughts are contradicting. He pushes Tawny away because he doesn't trust her, but in the same breath he finds her strikingly beautiful. And it's kind of making me nervous about him. I'm sure that wasn't the intended effect, but his dual personality makes me feel like I can't trust him right now.

I did enjoy the character development in this chapter, though. Will is pretty much establishing himself as distant and semi-untruthful. He tries to limit his interaction with Tawny even though she keeps pushing at him. I think she'' definitely have her work cut out for her trying to break down his walls of mistrust. But I think she'll be able to do it. She presents herself as really bold, but I think you realistically also portray her moments of fear well.

Liking the focus on the two main characters, but I'm also kind of wondering what you might have in store for Riley. He seems pretty central to Will and Tawny's bond of friendship, so I'm wondering if he'll also experience change or growth or something as the story progresses.

There seems to be a lot of foreshadowing in the ending. I hope nothing bad happens to the two of them. See you next update! :)
7/5/2013 c5 VelvetyCheerio
Phew! That was nerve-wracking, haha. xD

Tawny's refusal to let Riley scare her was super inspiring. I like how much of a strong confident character she's turning out to be so far. It's gonna be interesting to see how Will and she get along once they're out of danger.

Aah, when Tawny realized she had locked them out, that's when it got so tense. I was pretty much just feeling Tawny's same emotions at that moment. xD The reactions to the situation were the best and they definitely helped me understand what was going on.

The details surrounding the characters is really great, but I feel like details outside of the characters is kind of vague. Mostly I'm just curious what type of town/city these students live in, and how big it is. Obviously they let kids drive young, as Will observed Tawny driving underage. And then Riley and his friends were drinking, which I suppose kids will do regardless, but I'm just wondering if the town is small enough that seeing students drinking isn't something police are worried about. It doesn't really affect the story overall, I'm just curious.

Another nice ending. I like that the forest has come back into play. I'm excited to find out what becomes of the two.
7/5/2013 c4 VelvetyCheerio
Oh no, Will! D:

I'm really enjoying the attention to detail in your writing. It helps keep me grounded in the reality of the setting, which, considering your chapters aren't that long, is very impressive to me. I always try to do the same and it never works out, lol.

Will is still so endearing to me. I like how his suspicious, un-confident attitude is kind of pushing him away from Tawny, but also making him curious about her. She's in a lot of ways his opposite, and it's really nice to see them talking and sharing moments.

The snowflake metaphor fit Will's voice so well. Aah, but if only he'd see the nicer side to being a snowflake, haha. Nice cliffhanger! I must find out what happens next. o:
7/5/2013 c6 EverlastingBlueSkyXD
Aw...cute couple! . SHIP SHIP SHIP! Have a good weekend. :)
7/5/2013 c3 2Irony'sFriend
I like Tawny a lot. I understand how she fears causing trouble, and so she floats along on the outside. She tries to make it clear that she doesn't want to be with Riley, but vague enough that he won't hate her and make her life miserable.

And I understand her yearning for Will. They are kindred spirits, and they call out to each other. I can't wait to see where their potential friendship could go!

I'm off to read more!
7/4/2013 c5 EverlastingBlueSkyXD
Trust me, I think all your readers are enjoying it so far. :) And I think I'm right when I say no one really minds how long this story will become. Take a story to its potential! Anyways, like x infinity, and hope you update soon.
7/4/2013 c4 41Watercatcher7984
Aw, please tell me that Will is not going to hate Tawny forever for this? Anyway I like the snowflake metaphor that you used with Will, it was very interesting and it truly helps you get a firmer grip on his character. It was a good use of words.
29 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service