for If7/9/2013 c1 
387tolerate
Some of the commas are rather unnecessary and makes your poem feel chunky and it doesn't flow very well. Other than that, the poem is lovely and expressive.
387tolerateSome of the commas are rather unnecessary and makes your poem feel chunky and it doesn't flow very well. Other than that, the poem is lovely and expressive.
7/9/2013 c1 10AJKat
This is beautiful. It has such a strong sense of wistfullness, of knowing that what you are wishing will never happen. I think we can all relate to that feeling of wanting to stop time in order to prevent pain.
My only criticism would be the slighty awkward line break and comma near the end, in the line that says "The what-ifs. I'm,". It sort of stopped the flow and made me step out of the poem, if that makes any sense.
Altogther a very strong, effective poem.
10AJKatThis is beautiful. It has such a strong sense of wistfullness, of knowing that what you are wishing will never happen. I think we can all relate to that feeling of wanting to stop time in order to prevent pain.
My only criticism would be the slighty awkward line break and comma near the end, in the line that says "The what-ifs. I'm,". It sort of stopped the flow and made me step out of the poem, if that makes any sense.
Altogther a very strong, effective poem.