for The Cahaya Chronicles Book 1: The Choice1/4/2022 c3 avalavaa
Dear author. I really like with your work. I feel interested with your story and I want to keep in touch with you because I want to give you something related to your work. Perhaps we can talk better via mail. Thanks
Dear author. I really like with your work. I feel interested with your story and I want to keep in touch with you because I want to give you something related to your work. Perhaps we can talk better via mail. Thanks
4/11/2021 c1 HeyCharles
You can publish this in a mobile app so a lot of readers can see your lovely work. Check on NovelStar and see how other writers earn by pursuing their passion in writing.
You can publish this in a mobile app so a lot of readers can see your lovely work. Check on NovelStar and see how other writers earn by pursuing their passion in writing.
4/29/2020 c1 
1sarataylorfantasy
Wowzers - what a start! That death really caught me by surprise - wonderfully done!
1sarataylorfantasyWowzers - what a start! That death really caught me by surprise - wonderfully done!
7/11/2014 c29 gem
Hi! I have just read the whole of this story thus far, and I'm looking forward to your next update. This story is really nice, and I've read it attentively. So, a couple points of interest.
First, the summary. The first two sentences of the summary sound pretty stupid, sorry to say. You are insulting other stories and writers by saying that your story is far from what others write, even though the rest of the summary sounds like a normal fantasy story to me. So, be nice! Advertise your story using it's own merits, don't look down on others. To be fair, your story IS very different from others, and you are definitely a better, or at least more creative, writer than most authors on this site. Your summary just doesn't show it, and just sound cocky and average.
Second, describing places and scenes. The first time I read the scene in which Chloe led Anna to the bathroom, I thought the bathroom was directly connected to her prison, because you didn't mention her passage through the castle. Which is made even weirder by the fact that she apparently did move through the castle and the reader got to know nothing of what she saw there. Was the rest of the castle as extravagant as the bathroom? Did she look for escape routes? Was she drugged or blindfolded? Stuff like that.
There are more of these points, so please check them!
Third, typos. Sorry, I had to point these out. Anna's name is often spelled Ann, and you make other small mistakes. Just let someone else read your story with a marker in hand and the problem will be solved.
Last: I really love this story! That is the reason I'm writing such a long review. I want to help you make it even better and reach more readers. So; keep writing, keep updating, and please don't disappoint me with an easy solution or shallow back stories.
P.S.:Please excuse any mistakes I've made in my English, I'm not a native speaker.
Hi! I have just read the whole of this story thus far, and I'm looking forward to your next update. This story is really nice, and I've read it attentively. So, a couple points of interest.
First, the summary. The first two sentences of the summary sound pretty stupid, sorry to say. You are insulting other stories and writers by saying that your story is far from what others write, even though the rest of the summary sounds like a normal fantasy story to me. So, be nice! Advertise your story using it's own merits, don't look down on others. To be fair, your story IS very different from others, and you are definitely a better, or at least more creative, writer than most authors on this site. Your summary just doesn't show it, and just sound cocky and average.
Second, describing places and scenes. The first time I read the scene in which Chloe led Anna to the bathroom, I thought the bathroom was directly connected to her prison, because you didn't mention her passage through the castle. Which is made even weirder by the fact that she apparently did move through the castle and the reader got to know nothing of what she saw there. Was the rest of the castle as extravagant as the bathroom? Did she look for escape routes? Was she drugged or blindfolded? Stuff like that.
There are more of these points, so please check them!
Third, typos. Sorry, I had to point these out. Anna's name is often spelled Ann, and you make other small mistakes. Just let someone else read your story with a marker in hand and the problem will be solved.
Last: I really love this story! That is the reason I'm writing such a long review. I want to help you make it even better and reach more readers. So; keep writing, keep updating, and please don't disappoint me with an easy solution or shallow back stories.
P.S.:Please excuse any mistakes I've made in my English, I'm not a native speaker.
6/17/2014 c1 5Lost Magic
Very good opening chapter. The detail was pretty strong, and you get a good sense of what the suffering of the children at the hands of the masters and the personality of Anna.
A few grammatical errors, but nothing glaring or overly distraction. I would remove the page break, maybe use a symbol or marking to denote a scene change, but preferably not something that has to outright state that it is a page break.
5Lost MagicVery good opening chapter. The detail was pretty strong, and you get a good sense of what the suffering of the children at the hands of the masters and the personality of Anna.
A few grammatical errors, but nothing glaring or overly distraction. I would remove the page break, maybe use a symbol or marking to denote a scene change, but preferably not something that has to outright state that it is a page break.
5/25/2014 c1 Wendy Thompson135th
The characters are OK, but it needs editing: take out 'page break', put commas in dialogue tag sentence("I'm sorry[COMMA]" she murmured) where necessary; also around interjections (Well[COMMA], it's nice to meet you[COMMA], too). Check vocabulary: She _ushered_ for Shang...?
The characters are OK, but it needs editing: take out 'page break', put commas in dialogue tag sentence("I'm sorry[COMMA]" she murmured) where necessary; also around interjections (Well[COMMA], it's nice to meet you[COMMA], too). Check vocabulary: She _ushered_ for Shang...?
4/21/2014 c18 2Poppyseed Pomphrey
I love this! I know some authors want you to be specific(was that you?) but I love every little thing of this!
Rooting For Anna
2Poppyseed PomphreyI love this! I know some authors want you to be specific(was that you?) but I love every little thing of this!
Rooting For Anna