for Lucid7/29/2014 c1 
4Jitterbug Blues
So after months of radio silence, I’ve finally decided to really take a look at one of your pieces. It’s been a long time coming, and I apologise – I’ve been either too tired, bus y or a combination of both. I don’t like leaving one-liner reviews behind though, so I hope that this feedback will at least be worth it. I hope to read this story through during this week :D
I'm actually really not sure why you'd not get more feedback for this - I'm not an avid reader of (straight) romances, but I found this one pleasantly *different*, breaking a few standard tropes in the first chapter already! :D For one, Leuce wasn’t looking for a man in this chapter, but really just hanging out and enjoying the sight she got on the dance floor – I found that refreshing, because I’m sure I’ve seen several stories where females were either disgruntled because no one was paying attention to them, or they were too shy to make the first move themselves. You instead just established that she was drinking there and that the flirtation that began with Julius was really just circumstances (hot and erotic circumstances :D). Another cliché that you broke that I really enjoyed was that she had a boyfriend: the narrative didn’t establish that immediately, or make it obvious, but when you mentioned it, it actually …made sense? I guess, I just couldn’t imagine Leuce being in a place like this otherwise: she seems very level-headed and independent, to the point that I don’t think she’d be looking for a potential partner in a club.
At this point, I can already say that it says a lot that she’s not very attached to Kip: there are no butterflies accompanied in the description of him, and she only mentions that he’s either drunk or passes out on her bed when they get to her place. It really makes me wonder just how they got together. I think it’s also telling that sex with Kip makes her feel cheap and disgusted, just after she’s met a stranger. You could, on the hand, see it as a sign that she’s feeling guilty, because she has just emotionally cheated on her boyfriend (more or less engaging in eye sex with a virtual stranger), but I see it as guilt over the fact she’s so easily attracted to Julius (and that it wouldn’t have taken much for her to maybe cheat on Kip, with just a bit more persuasion?). I think further chapters will tell!
I’m enjoying Leuce’s characterisation a lot, because you can tell that she’s confident and not all prone to immediately succumbing to a bloke, just because he’s going to talk smoothly to her or compliment her looks. I liked that she didn’t cave in to Julius’ advances, even after he’d saved her. I did get the idea that she could save herself, because she was clearly clever enough to reach for her phone and see the alarm bells ringing when a few less than sober guys started hitting on her (there’s a sad hint of realism for me in this scene – that a woman always has to be careful when alone in a club; advances will come, and you just always have to ensure that you’re not too smashed/or that someone doesn’t sip something into your drink). Anyhow, I liked her clear intelligence in this chapter, and always appreciated the fact that she’s pretty, without being too arrogant about it. In fact, I like that she appreciates Julius’ compliments, without acknowledging it too openly (I also liked how she brushed off his comments, regarding her pants, saying that she’d not worn them for *him*, but her boyfriend. Though to be honest, I think Julius was being a bit saucy here – you shouldn’t make assumptions on a woman based on her clothes! XDD).
But then ‘saucy’ is something I’d associate with Julius: he’s very sure of himself, isn’t he? The way he clearly expects Leuce to cater to him, to give in shows that, at the very least, he’s aware of his attractiveness and that he’s used to women immediately giving in to his charms. Hehe, I admit it doesn’t annoy me at all though, because there’s something playful and likeable about him, because he does seem respectful enough when Leuce puts her foot down, and he’s not a creep or demanding. He seems sweet even :) I actually can’t wait to see what he’s really like :D
I admit that this story was very erotic to me – and that’s why it saddens me that there isn’t more feedback, because well-written straight romance with adult content is hard to find. It either too quickly dips into unfortunate tropes, or I just don’t find the sex scenes tingling at all. I didn’t quite find this to be the case here: your writing is detailed and sultry and sensuous, and the amount of detail you pay to the flirting and little touches serves as very good foreplay. I’d say it’s arousing because you give it the right amount of emotional coverage to show that it affects Leuce, and that in turn, makes the reader care. It’s an interplay between Leuce resisting, and Leuce reacting to man who intrigues her on several levels.
As for the actual sex scene: it was very, very hot and forbidden in a way, with you addressing themes like voyeurism, emotional cheating and public sex in one go. I liked that it wasn’t littered with purple prose, but didn’t feel to clinical either, because of the right emotion placed in between the physical descriptions. I liked the rawer tone of it, there was also a distinct coldness to it that actually really fitted the ending of this chapter (Leuce’s desperate wish to just leave the place, which also felt realistic because I’m sure that several readers can relate to this feeling of embarrassment and shame).
I don’t know: this is a very adult and honest story, and I am definitely liking it so far, especially if we go by the length of this review. I don’t really have anything critical to say right now :3
4Jitterbug BluesSo after months of radio silence, I’ve finally decided to really take a look at one of your pieces. It’s been a long time coming, and I apologise – I’ve been either too tired, bus y or a combination of both. I don’t like leaving one-liner reviews behind though, so I hope that this feedback will at least be worth it. I hope to read this story through during this week :D
I'm actually really not sure why you'd not get more feedback for this - I'm not an avid reader of (straight) romances, but I found this one pleasantly *different*, breaking a few standard tropes in the first chapter already! :D For one, Leuce wasn’t looking for a man in this chapter, but really just hanging out and enjoying the sight she got on the dance floor – I found that refreshing, because I’m sure I’ve seen several stories where females were either disgruntled because no one was paying attention to them, or they were too shy to make the first move themselves. You instead just established that she was drinking there and that the flirtation that began with Julius was really just circumstances (hot and erotic circumstances :D). Another cliché that you broke that I really enjoyed was that she had a boyfriend: the narrative didn’t establish that immediately, or make it obvious, but when you mentioned it, it actually …made sense? I guess, I just couldn’t imagine Leuce being in a place like this otherwise: she seems very level-headed and independent, to the point that I don’t think she’d be looking for a potential partner in a club.
At this point, I can already say that it says a lot that she’s not very attached to Kip: there are no butterflies accompanied in the description of him, and she only mentions that he’s either drunk or passes out on her bed when they get to her place. It really makes me wonder just how they got together. I think it’s also telling that sex with Kip makes her feel cheap and disgusted, just after she’s met a stranger. You could, on the hand, see it as a sign that she’s feeling guilty, because she has just emotionally cheated on her boyfriend (more or less engaging in eye sex with a virtual stranger), but I see it as guilt over the fact she’s so easily attracted to Julius (and that it wouldn’t have taken much for her to maybe cheat on Kip, with just a bit more persuasion?). I think further chapters will tell!
I’m enjoying Leuce’s characterisation a lot, because you can tell that she’s confident and not all prone to immediately succumbing to a bloke, just because he’s going to talk smoothly to her or compliment her looks. I liked that she didn’t cave in to Julius’ advances, even after he’d saved her. I did get the idea that she could save herself, because she was clearly clever enough to reach for her phone and see the alarm bells ringing when a few less than sober guys started hitting on her (there’s a sad hint of realism for me in this scene – that a woman always has to be careful when alone in a club; advances will come, and you just always have to ensure that you’re not too smashed/or that someone doesn’t sip something into your drink). Anyhow, I liked her clear intelligence in this chapter, and always appreciated the fact that she’s pretty, without being too arrogant about it. In fact, I like that she appreciates Julius’ compliments, without acknowledging it too openly (I also liked how she brushed off his comments, regarding her pants, saying that she’d not worn them for *him*, but her boyfriend. Though to be honest, I think Julius was being a bit saucy here – you shouldn’t make assumptions on a woman based on her clothes! XDD).
But then ‘saucy’ is something I’d associate with Julius: he’s very sure of himself, isn’t he? The way he clearly expects Leuce to cater to him, to give in shows that, at the very least, he’s aware of his attractiveness and that he’s used to women immediately giving in to his charms. Hehe, I admit it doesn’t annoy me at all though, because there’s something playful and likeable about him, because he does seem respectful enough when Leuce puts her foot down, and he’s not a creep or demanding. He seems sweet even :) I actually can’t wait to see what he’s really like :D
I admit that this story was very erotic to me – and that’s why it saddens me that there isn’t more feedback, because well-written straight romance with adult content is hard to find. It either too quickly dips into unfortunate tropes, or I just don’t find the sex scenes tingling at all. I didn’t quite find this to be the case here: your writing is detailed and sultry and sensuous, and the amount of detail you pay to the flirting and little touches serves as very good foreplay. I’d say it’s arousing because you give it the right amount of emotional coverage to show that it affects Leuce, and that in turn, makes the reader care. It’s an interplay between Leuce resisting, and Leuce reacting to man who intrigues her on several levels.
As for the actual sex scene: it was very, very hot and forbidden in a way, with you addressing themes like voyeurism, emotional cheating and public sex in one go. I liked that it wasn’t littered with purple prose, but didn’t feel to clinical either, because of the right emotion placed in between the physical descriptions. I liked the rawer tone of it, there was also a distinct coldness to it that actually really fitted the ending of this chapter (Leuce’s desperate wish to just leave the place, which also felt realistic because I’m sure that several readers can relate to this feeling of embarrassment and shame).
I don’t know: this is a very adult and honest story, and I am definitely liking it so far, especially if we go by the length of this review. I don’t really have anything critical to say right now :3
8/10/2013 c9 chameleonduality
Goodness knows why you haven't gotten more reviews/hits for this; it's very good indeed. It's a bit of a travesty, really. Mature plot line (believe me, after half the teeny bopper stuff on this website, this is a bit of refreshing change to find a story with a protagonist who ISN'T 16/17/18), good pace, interesting and multi-layered characters. Plus a dash of starcrossed intentions, attractive people, and juicy sex scenes. What isn't there to like?
All I can say is that I enjoyed the story very much, and I hope you keep writing and posting! The reviews and feedback will eventually come, I'm sure of it! And if not, put them all down as cretins who wouldn't know good fiction if it punched them in the face.
Goodness knows why you haven't gotten more reviews/hits for this; it's very good indeed. It's a bit of a travesty, really. Mature plot line (believe me, after half the teeny bopper stuff on this website, this is a bit of refreshing change to find a story with a protagonist who ISN'T 16/17/18), good pace, interesting and multi-layered characters. Plus a dash of starcrossed intentions, attractive people, and juicy sex scenes. What isn't there to like?
All I can say is that I enjoyed the story very much, and I hope you keep writing and posting! The reviews and feedback will eventually come, I'm sure of it! And if not, put them all down as cretins who wouldn't know good fiction if it punched them in the face.
8/6/2013 c9 avidmoonstar
It just goes to show that if you can write well, you can write well no matter the subject! I loved it, and, of course, I wanted more. I do love the long chapters, though. I felt that Julius' emotions were genuine. Sometimes authors' throw in the cliche male vulnerability, but it never comes across well. In Lucid I never once doubted Julius. You are quickly becoming my favorite author on here.
It just goes to show that if you can write well, you can write well no matter the subject! I loved it, and, of course, I wanted more. I do love the long chapters, though. I felt that Julius' emotions were genuine. Sometimes authors' throw in the cliche male vulnerability, but it never comes across well. In Lucid I never once doubted Julius. You are quickly becoming my favorite author on here.