for Still Screams7/31/2013 c1 
1Unxious Custard
Hi, you asked for reviews, so I hope I can provide some help. Please don't regard my comments as critisism, because I enjoyed your story. The first thing though, is that title. Silentious isn't a word. Can't you just go for Silent Screams. I think this is much more powerful, both because it's grammatically correct, but also because its an oxymoron - you can't scream and be silent at the same time. You change tense here (I'm thinking Antoine received the ...) I understand why you used the phrase I'm thinking, as it's in common everyday use, but in the written format is wrong, because it changes your writing from the past to the present tense. Most speach is already in the present tense, so it is correct used in this context. The closest you could come to use this would be to say, Some nice characterisation here - and I sympathise with the old problem of parents not understanding - being too conservative. I liked the way you got into your character's thoughts at times, as in ( Ah he's such a gentleman!) I am intrigued by your last sentence. The end of what? The world? The course? Their friendship? The universe as we know it? I do hope you will return a review of my story, Psychics v Terrorists, which is a modern fantasy set in England. good luck with the writing.
1Unxious CustardHi, you asked for reviews, so I hope I can provide some help. Please don't regard my comments as critisism, because I enjoyed your story. The first thing though, is that title. Silentious isn't a word. Can't you just go for Silent Screams. I think this is much more powerful, both because it's grammatically correct, but also because its an oxymoron - you can't scream and be silent at the same time. You change tense here (I'm thinking Antoine received the ...) I understand why you used the phrase I'm thinking, as it's in common everyday use, but in the written format is wrong, because it changes your writing from the past to the present tense. Most speach is already in the present tense, so it is correct used in this context. The closest you could come to use this would be to say, Some nice characterisation here - and I sympathise with the old problem of parents not understanding - being too conservative. I liked the way you got into your character's thoughts at times, as in ( Ah he's such a gentleman!) I am intrigued by your last sentence. The end of what? The world? The course? Their friendship? The universe as we know it? I do hope you will return a review of my story, Psychics v Terrorists, which is a modern fantasy set in England. good luck with the writing.