for Hellrider: Cursed Draft one11/5/2013 c35 
5Willie Jackson
Now I'm more than psyched for the sequel you've got planned. I can't wait for it. I want to see what Solomon's true motives are and how Whitney and her group is going to deal with him in the next term. Solomon is playing a dangerous game and ultimately going to lose to Whitney when her destiny is realized.
5Willie JacksonNow I'm more than psyched for the sequel you've got planned. I can't wait for it. I want to see what Solomon's true motives are and how Whitney and her group is going to deal with him in the next term. Solomon is playing a dangerous game and ultimately going to lose to Whitney when her destiny is realized.
11/5/2013 c31 Willie Jackson
I love the way you brought out Solomon's true nature in this story - slow yet riveting as the heroes slowly realize what's going down. Can't wait to finish this story and it's been a great read.
I love the way you brought out Solomon's true nature in this story - slow yet riveting as the heroes slowly realize what's going down. Can't wait to finish this story and it's been a great read.
11/4/2013 c13 TheBookAngel17
For some reason this reminds me alot of House of Night...but with werewolf not vamps...
For some reason this reminds me alot of House of Night...but with werewolf not vamps...
11/4/2013 c12 TheBookAngel17
OH, God. such long chapters...This must be how people feel when they read my chappies. LOL! I like these people they are really cool
OH, God. such long chapters...This must be how people feel when they read my chappies. LOL! I like these people they are really cool
11/4/2013 c11 TheBookAngel17
Happy morning people make me annoyed...Like, it's seven O'clock why are yopu so happy? lol
Happy morning people make me annoyed...Like, it's seven O'clock why are yopu so happy? lol
11/4/2013 c4 5Willie Jackson
This is an interesting story you have going here so far. I can't wait to see what else develops as I read on. I just have to say that I'm loving this story and I'll have it read in a few days.
5Willie JacksonThis is an interesting story you have going here so far. I can't wait to see what else develops as I read on. I just have to say that I'm loving this story and I'll have it read in a few days.
11/2/2013 c1 Ryan Upton
Your definitely good at writing only read the first bit but seems very interesting keep it up all that practice is paying off maybe one day you will actually make money from these! Haha
Your definitely good at writing only read the first bit but seems very interesting keep it up all that practice is paying off maybe one day you will actually make money from these! Haha
10/28/2013 c10 1TheBookAngel17
What does Whitney look like as a wolf? And I lvoe the name Bianca so cool
1TheBookAngel17What does Whitney look like as a wolf? And I lvoe the name Bianca so cool
10/28/2013 c9 TheBookAngel17
So that guy talking to Whitney in this last part is...Human? Or did I read wrong
So that guy talking to Whitney in this last part is...Human? Or did I read wrong
10/17/2013 c1 1Winterbee2001
I loved the whle thing! even though it took awhile to read, really wel done! I have a really good story on here at the moment called A Secret worth Keeping! hope you would consider reading it!
1Winterbee2001I loved the whle thing! even though it took awhile to read, really wel done! I have a really good story on here at the moment called A Secret worth Keeping! hope you would consider reading it!
10/8/2013 c1 5Alias Blue
There are some grammar issues in your writing.
You say 'Mum was confused by all this' and 'Mum was confused by this mark'. - it's a bit repetitive.
It's a bit over-explanatory - there's some unnecessary information like their first house and first memory, which I don't think you need. You can mention these later if/when they become relevant to the story.
The third paragraph is really long. I think you should break it up and address different things in each paragraph. I think it would also help the structure if you wrote it chronologically - open with her baby stage, then mention the terrible incident, then her later development. etc.
I really like how you used the brackets for (physically) - it hints at her development problem and then you reveal it later. This is great!
I also think it's a great idea that her mental age is younger than her physical age. This is a great idea and suggests that she's not normal. As a suggestion: if she looked physically older, but emotionally younger - the problems this would cause would be really interesting.
I thought your mention of her powers was a little throwaway. I think you could perhaps introduce it in more detail in the next chapter.
Anyway, that was enjoyable. Thanks! I'd really like to see how her powers/problems affect her life.
- Alias
5Alias BlueThere are some grammar issues in your writing.
You say 'Mum was confused by all this' and 'Mum was confused by this mark'. - it's a bit repetitive.
It's a bit over-explanatory - there's some unnecessary information like their first house and first memory, which I don't think you need. You can mention these later if/when they become relevant to the story.
The third paragraph is really long. I think you should break it up and address different things in each paragraph. I think it would also help the structure if you wrote it chronologically - open with her baby stage, then mention the terrible incident, then her later development. etc.
I really like how you used the brackets for (physically) - it hints at her development problem and then you reveal it later. This is great!
I also think it's a great idea that her mental age is younger than her physical age. This is a great idea and suggests that she's not normal. As a suggestion: if she looked physically older, but emotionally younger - the problems this would cause would be really interesting.
I thought your mention of her powers was a little throwaway. I think you could perhaps introduce it in more detail in the next chapter.
Anyway, that was enjoyable. Thanks! I'd really like to see how her powers/problems affect her life.
- Alias
10/1/2013 c6 TheBookAngel17
OMG! Took me forever to read this! How many words was this chapter! lol and who doesn't like the smell of sausages? hate the smell of sausages? what!? hehe
OMG! Took me forever to read this! How many words was this chapter! lol and who doesn't like the smell of sausages? hate the smell of sausages? what!? hehe