for Stranger9/13/2013 c8 koerle
Nice chapters. The story does feel a lot different the past 3 chapters compared to the beginning. From a "supernaturals" story the story is moved to a teen-story. Also the pace of the story has changed. From the action packed first chapter the last 3 chapters are about their visit to the club. I think the story would read better if they were combined.
Also I wanted to congratulate you! Congratulations with you marriage. I imagine it was a wonderful place to get hitched!
Nice chapters. The story does feel a lot different the past 3 chapters compared to the beginning. From a "supernaturals" story the story is moved to a teen-story. Also the pace of the story has changed. From the action packed first chapter the last 3 chapters are about their visit to the club. I think the story would read better if they were combined.
Also I wanted to congratulate you! Congratulations with you marriage. I imagine it was a wonderful place to get hitched!
9/7/2013 c8 
7E.Nelson
Ooooooh. Mysterious, good looking strangers. I could use more of those IRL (: haha. Very good chapter, keep up the work and please please please update soon :) I'm eager to see how this night ends for them.
7E.NelsonOoooooh. Mysterious, good looking strangers. I could use more of those IRL (: haha. Very good chapter, keep up the work and please please please update soon :) I'm eager to see how this night ends for them.
9/6/2013 c8 2PrincessofAtlantis
Awh, thanks for the mention 3
And good chapter, you're doing really well with this. :D (I wished it was longer though. :O)
2PrincessofAtlantisAwh, thanks for the mention 3
And good chapter, you're doing really well with this. :D (I wished it was longer though. :O)
9/5/2013 c7 7E.Nelson
There's something special about eloping, really. I'm not one for fancy over the top things, and doing that seems private and... Romantic. :)
Very well written chapter, I enjoyed reading it :) well, I always enjoy reading your updates... You're just that good I guess :p keep up the good work and update soon?
7E.NelsonThere's something special about eloping, really. I'm not one for fancy over the top things, and doing that seems private and... Romantic. :)
Very well written chapter, I enjoyed reading it :) well, I always enjoy reading your updates... You're just that good I guess :p keep up the good work and update soon?
9/4/2013 c6 3StaNdUPtomE
Okay,
Now this is my opinion and I don't want to come off as being mean. I feel like the club is being rushed... I almost feel like their should have been a couple days of getting to know the girls. Or it being Wednesday and then they plan to go on Thursday... I find it a little fast, we get to school she feels like she belongs and then she's already breaking rules... All in a day. So I guess to sum it up I feel we need a chapter of getting to know the school and everything before the club, set the stage a little more because I have a feeling the club is an important piece to the plot. And the preparing for the club chapters are well written.
the other suggestion I have is after reading the first chapter we jump to the second and we loose Sophie. I rushed the chapter because I wanted more Sophie. Same with this chapter, i guess i can relate it to the second book in twilight ( going back to high school days) where Edward leaves and your stuck with Jacob. You essentially skip the middle section of the book...I like her character the best thus far so i am a little biased, plus theirs an opportunity that Will will appear? I have read books where they have a couple chapters in one characters pov and then switch.
I actually didn't get the x men vibe when reading this, I got the Harry Potter Vibe. Just because of the school and the 'houses'
The story as a whole is well thought out. I would suggest flushing out some pieces. Your first two chapters really set the stage, and as a reader I am starting to question who is good and who is bad.
Overall the story keeps me on the edge of my seat (i check my emails daily for this) and keep up the great work
Congrats on getting married! You have officially joined the under 25 and married club!
3StaNdUPtomEOkay,
Now this is my opinion and I don't want to come off as being mean. I feel like the club is being rushed... I almost feel like their should have been a couple days of getting to know the girls. Or it being Wednesday and then they plan to go on Thursday... I find it a little fast, we get to school she feels like she belongs and then she's already breaking rules... All in a day. So I guess to sum it up I feel we need a chapter of getting to know the school and everything before the club, set the stage a little more because I have a feeling the club is an important piece to the plot. And the preparing for the club chapters are well written.
the other suggestion I have is after reading the first chapter we jump to the second and we loose Sophie. I rushed the chapter because I wanted more Sophie. Same with this chapter, i guess i can relate it to the second book in twilight ( going back to high school days) where Edward leaves and your stuck with Jacob. You essentially skip the middle section of the book...I like her character the best thus far so i am a little biased, plus theirs an opportunity that Will will appear? I have read books where they have a couple chapters in one characters pov and then switch.
I actually didn't get the x men vibe when reading this, I got the Harry Potter Vibe. Just because of the school and the 'houses'
The story as a whole is well thought out. I would suggest flushing out some pieces. Your first two chapters really set the stage, and as a reader I am starting to question who is good and who is bad.
Overall the story keeps me on the edge of my seat (i check my emails daily for this) and keep up the great work
Congrats on getting married! You have officially joined the under 25 and married club!
9/4/2013 c6 AndItMovesUsAll
Really liked these last few chapters, all of the girls character's seem lovely.
Very excited for Sophie's next encounter with Will, especially since she'll be dressed normally!
From that description of Depogare in chapter 4, i wonder did you base him off snape?
Also congrats on the wedding, thats lovely!
Really liked these last few chapters, all of the girls character's seem lovely.
Very excited for Sophie's next encounter with Will, especially since she'll be dressed normally!
From that description of Depogare in chapter 4, i wonder did you base him off snape?
Also congrats on the wedding, thats lovely!
9/3/2013 c6 7E.Nelson
Very good chapter. Sort of filler-y, but really good nonetheless. :) I'm definitely eager to keep reading, and to see how the club and her classes go!
Congratulations on getting married! Hawaii sounds exciting :)
7E.NelsonVery good chapter. Sort of filler-y, but really good nonetheless. :) I'm definitely eager to keep reading, and to see how the club and her classes go!
Congratulations on getting married! Hawaii sounds exciting :)
8/29/2013 c5 7E.Nelson
Good fillery chapter (: I really like this story so far, so please, keep up le good work and update soon? I'll try to give more detailed reviews for the chapters to come :)
7E.NelsonGood fillery chapter (: I really like this story so far, so please, keep up le good work and update soon? I'll try to give more detailed reviews for the chapters to come :)
8/24/2013 c3 koerle
Great chapter, with a good ending. I expected the other two girls to be her roommates... But her response makes me doubt this.
One thing that I don't really understand though: why Ethan keeps calling her Miss Harper while he insists on being called by his first name himself. This is something I remember there was an explicit mentioning about this fact in previous chapter.
I look forward to the next chapter!
Great chapter, with a good ending. I expected the other two girls to be her roommates... But her response makes me doubt this.
One thing that I don't really understand though: why Ethan keeps calling her Miss Harper while he insists on being called by his first name himself. This is something I remember there was an explicit mentioning about this fact in previous chapter.
I look forward to the next chapter!
8/24/2013 c2 koerle
Great chapter again! I have to admit I had to quickly check in with the first chapter because I thought there was a time gap, but this chapter is about different girls. When you read both chapters directly after each other you won't have that issue. Will this story be from two point of views?
I don't really understand all of the mentioning of Leo, Aries, etc. What is the relevance of signs. If you plan to leave this in it would be good to explain a bit more why it is relevant.
Great chapter again! I have to admit I had to quickly check in with the first chapter because I thought there was a time gap, but this chapter is about different girls. When you read both chapters directly after each other you won't have that issue. Will this story be from two point of views?
I don't really understand all of the mentioning of Leo, Aries, etc. What is the relevance of signs. If you plan to leave this in it would be good to explain a bit more why it is relevant.
8/24/2013 c1 koerle
Nice start of te story. The first connection I made was more Harry Potter then X-men. Especially with the academy and the 4 departments. With that set up it will be difficult to shake the comparison, I think. You could consider to have a different number, for example 3?
Nice start of te story. The first connection I made was more Harry Potter then X-men. Especially with the academy and the 4 departments. With that set up it will be difficult to shake the comparison, I think. You could consider to have a different number, for example 3?
8/23/2013 c1 fracturedinnocence
Oh my gosh, I am loving this story. I love the characters and how we don't really know all about Sophie yet. I've always loved stories where the main character is different in some way (Like how she's "rare"). I really hope you can keep up the fast updates cause I cannot wait to read on (though despite how fast they are I still get impatient that's how much I love this story)
Thanks :)
Oh my gosh, I am loving this story. I love the characters and how we don't really know all about Sophie yet. I've always loved stories where the main character is different in some way (Like how she's "rare"). I really hope you can keep up the fast updates cause I cannot wait to read on (though despite how fast they are I still get impatient that's how much I love this story)
Thanks :)
8/23/2013 c2 AndItMovesUsAll
I liked this chapter, didn't expect you to switch to a different character but I do enjoy stories with more than one main character.
The only thing that confused me was at the beginning you said that Brielle 'happened to be from Aqua dorm' and then near the end you said she was in Ignes, meaning that she was a black sheep. Unless I read that wrong.
Anditmovesusall (shannen)
I liked this chapter, didn't expect you to switch to a different character but I do enjoy stories with more than one main character.
The only thing that confused me was at the beginning you said that Brielle 'happened to be from Aqua dorm' and then near the end you said she was in Ignes, meaning that she was a black sheep. Unless I read that wrong.
Anditmovesusall (shannen)