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for Tears of Blood

4/10/2014 c1 C. V. Atwood
I have to say the summary intrigued me instantly and the story itself doesn't disappoint. You are a very good writer. I very much like how you started troubled, showed the narrators darkest side, and ended on a compassionate note, because you chose to do it this way you actually helped to highlight each side of the narrator. It gave the character more depth because I could compare. I am glad I read this as I find that many simply cannot pull off a short story (myself included), but they are very much needed for people like me who need a quick read before class.
4/10/2014 c1 13alltheeagles
For the RG EF
I like the way you incorporate conventional vampire ‘facts’ into the story eg blood drinking without turning it into a lecture. However, there are some details that I’m not sure about: firstly, can a vampire not see without the moon (referring to the clouds obscuring the moon bit)? Secondly, is the cloak compulsory? I mean, he’s 18. Shouldn’t he be in, like, jeans and a hoodie? I also like that you provide details of the MC’s appearance, except that I find the phrase ‘my silvery green eyes’ a little strange. I mean, one would not usually point out one’s own eye colour unless one were rather vain. Finally, I like the positive ending. It bodes well that the MC might not degenerate into a monster but somehow rise above his fate.
9/23/2013 c1 1Subject-Goto
I enjoyed the view of this main character (who goes unnamed, which goes to enhance his obscurity, nice touch), and the fight within to control the animal, and the realisation that he probably will eventually give in.
The story itself is good, it's short and simple, but has an emotional tang to it, which is what truly makes a great one shot.

My only issue to pick here is that you lack a variety of sentence structure. The majority of the sentences are short, and it lacks a variety of pronouns to start the sentences, as well as almost always starting with a pronoun, rather than a description, or some other form of opening.

All in all, I enjoyed this story. Well done.
9/3/2013 c1 AnimalCraziey
Great little fic! I know this is a one-shot but I would've loved more :)

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