for Just a Tool9/29/2016 c10 
70BradytheJust
Wow!
Well, Piqa's flashback was a bit... disturbing, but I really like how you include scars in each of your stories. They just add so much to the character with the question of how they were received and the character's emotions about them.
Also having Piqa's only concern being about how Xi shouldn't know about the User was very well done because I think she would rip him apart.
Another great chapter my friend! :D
70BradytheJustWow!
Well, Piqa's flashback was a bit... disturbing, but I really like how you include scars in each of your stories. They just add so much to the character with the question of how they were received and the character's emotions about them.
Also having Piqa's only concern being about how Xi shouldn't know about the User was very well done because I think she would rip him apart.
Another great chapter my friend! :D
9/27/2016 c9 BradytheJust
Holy heck!
Alright. That was an odd but incredible chapter! The chapter was perfect. You did a good job showing Piqa's confusion and fear with encountering the User and I now share Xi's hate for them!
I shudder to think about what happens next, but I can't wait to read on!
Holy heck!
Alright. That was an odd but incredible chapter! The chapter was perfect. You did a good job showing Piqa's confusion and fear with encountering the User and I now share Xi's hate for them!
I shudder to think about what happens next, but I can't wait to read on!
9/23/2016 c8 BradytheJust
Woah!
It is interesting to see Piqa's interpretation of his relationship with Xi, and how he bears the guilt... and the scars. I just want them to confess to one another about their past, let all the pain get on their table and then get all lovey-dovey! :D
sorry Ayn... anyway having Piqa deal with the scars both physical and emotional, is very interesting for his character. and now I have to ask: What did happen to him?
Woah!
It is interesting to see Piqa's interpretation of his relationship with Xi, and how he bears the guilt... and the scars. I just want them to confess to one another about their past, let all the pain get on their table and then get all lovey-dovey! :D
sorry Ayn... anyway having Piqa deal with the scars both physical and emotional, is very interesting for his character. and now I have to ask: What did happen to him?
9/23/2016 c7 BradytheJust
AHHH! :D
Well, I'm back and I'm loving the chapter!
Once again your word choice was perfect and the character development was spot on!
"I am the destroying sword, and he is the Brush that cleans up the mess I make." That sums up their relationship in a sentence!
I want Piqa and Xi to be together now! The way she cares for him and defies the Users for his sake. Perfection :) I also love the hug that they shared... it just makes them all the more adorable!
AHHH! :D
Well, I'm back and I'm loving the chapter!
Once again your word choice was perfect and the character development was spot on!
"I am the destroying sword, and he is the Brush that cleans up the mess I make." That sums up their relationship in a sentence!
I want Piqa and Xi to be together now! The way she cares for him and defies the Users for his sake. Perfection :) I also love the hug that they shared... it just makes them all the more adorable!
9/9/2016 c6 BradytheJust
Okay, I think Xi and Piqa would make a perfect couple! :D
Xiqa? Pi? Anyway, they're so perfect together!
I loved the flashback sequence, seeing Xi deal with the abuse of the Users really helped flesh out her character and her relationship with Piqa. Having her only give in when Piqa was harmed really made me feel for her, because if there's one thing I can't stand it's my friends getting hurt.
I loved the line about "that's all the aid an injured tool is going to receive." and those last two lines! So perfect! :D
Great job as always!
Okay, I think Xi and Piqa would make a perfect couple! :D
Xiqa? Pi? Anyway, they're so perfect together!
I loved the flashback sequence, seeing Xi deal with the abuse of the Users really helped flesh out her character and her relationship with Piqa. Having her only give in when Piqa was harmed really made me feel for her, because if there's one thing I can't stand it's my friends getting hurt.
I loved the line about "that's all the aid an injured tool is going to receive." and those last two lines! So perfect! :D
Great job as always!
9/3/2016 c5 BradytheJust
Well wow,
Once again this chapter was perfect!
I loved how you had Xi think "anyone could be forgiven for having any vulgar thoughts" about their position because to be honest, I thought they were in a compromising position until I read further. ;)
I like how you ended the chapter with Xi's little flashback into some unknown horror, and I am eager to see what it is!
Having Piqa pick shrapnel out of his friend's body and say sorry each time really made me happy because I can already tell he cares about Xi, because having to patch up a friend is never fun.
Amazing chapter as always! :D
Well wow,
Once again this chapter was perfect!
I loved how you had Xi think "anyone could be forgiven for having any vulgar thoughts" about their position because to be honest, I thought they were in a compromising position until I read further. ;)
I like how you ended the chapter with Xi's little flashback into some unknown horror, and I am eager to see what it is!
Having Piqa pick shrapnel out of his friend's body and say sorry each time really made me happy because I can already tell he cares about Xi, because having to patch up a friend is never fun.
Amazing chapter as always! :D
8/30/2016 c4 BradytheJust
Oh my goodness!
Eagles I'm honestly not sure what was running through your head at the time of writing this story, but I can say without a doubt that this is some of your best work.
I really can feel the pain of being trapped in the existence of a servant with the knowledge that simply thinking about rebellion is enough to get one killed. Also, I love the temptation of simply sinking down into a self-indulgent existence and not giving anything.
Having Ayn's thoughts about Xi's anger towards the Users really helped flesh out the characters, their relationship, and the world they live in. It's a nice touch that helps me connect to the story.
The world choice was flawless, the characters are interesting, and I can't wait to get inside the other character's heads! :D Also *blushes* I kinda find braids irresistible, so if Ayn wants a companion I'm game ;D
Great job as always my friend.
Oh my goodness!
Eagles I'm honestly not sure what was running through your head at the time of writing this story, but I can say without a doubt that this is some of your best work.
I really can feel the pain of being trapped in the existence of a servant with the knowledge that simply thinking about rebellion is enough to get one killed. Also, I love the temptation of simply sinking down into a self-indulgent existence and not giving anything.
Having Ayn's thoughts about Xi's anger towards the Users really helped flesh out the characters, their relationship, and the world they live in. It's a nice touch that helps me connect to the story.
The world choice was flawless, the characters are interesting, and I can't wait to get inside the other character's heads! :D Also *blushes* I kinda find braids irresistible, so if Ayn wants a companion I'm game ;D
Great job as always my friend.
8/27/2016 c3 BradytheJust
I'm loving the different types of hairstyle and the beads that differentiate not only the different types of tools but also their individuality. It reminds me of the Clone troopers in Star Wars, all the same, but they were allowed to change their hairstyles in accordance with their personality.
I also liked Ayrn's viewpoint on "I'm made to kill so why not take pride in my work?
The idea of Domestic tools is also interesting, not everyone is fit for combat after all. Great chapter as always and you've done a good job at getting me attached to the characters. Keep it up! :D
I'm loving the different types of hairstyle and the beads that differentiate not only the different types of tools but also their individuality. It reminds me of the Clone troopers in Star Wars, all the same, but they were allowed to change their hairstyles in accordance with their personality.
I also liked Ayrn's viewpoint on "I'm made to kill so why not take pride in my work?
The idea of Domestic tools is also interesting, not everyone is fit for combat after all. Great chapter as always and you've done a good job at getting me attached to the characters. Keep it up! :D
8/27/2016 c2 BradytheJust
Alright Eagles, you have done some magnificent writing in the stories I have read. However, I have to say that "his voice blends with the gray of the walls, the same dinghy color of the walls, becoming part of the featureless shamelessness that is the repair bay" is probably the best phrase you've ever written. I mean really... it really just adds to the emotion of seeing a friend hospitalized because of your mistake.
I really like the concept of these "Users" being the lords and masters while "Swords, Spears, and Shields" are tools that fight and die.
Incredible job my friend and I can't wait to read more!
Alright Eagles, you have done some magnificent writing in the stories I have read. However, I have to say that "his voice blends with the gray of the walls, the same dinghy color of the walls, becoming part of the featureless shamelessness that is the repair bay" is probably the best phrase you've ever written. I mean really... it really just adds to the emotion of seeing a friend hospitalized because of your mistake.
I really like the concept of these "Users" being the lords and masters while "Swords, Spears, and Shields" are tools that fight and die.
Incredible job my friend and I can't wait to read more!
8/22/2016 c1 BradytheJust
Okay, I recognize the Mutt from "All the wrong reasons" so is this in the same universe as Allezech?
The idea of having 3 main characters and separating the story into arcs is a unique one and very interesting to read.
You did a wonderful job showing us the after effects of the crash then backtracking to the actual moment of the crash. It was also very descriptive, which is always wonderful to see in a battle scene.
Also the concept of a "Sword and a Shield" is very interesting, and the relationship between Xi and Ayn (with one being more cautious and the other more impetuous) is a cool balance.
Amazing job and I can't wait to read more! :D
Okay, I recognize the Mutt from "All the wrong reasons" so is this in the same universe as Allezech?
The idea of having 3 main characters and separating the story into arcs is a unique one and very interesting to read.
You did a wonderful job showing us the after effects of the crash then backtracking to the actual moment of the crash. It was also very descriptive, which is always wonderful to see in a battle scene.
Also the concept of a "Sword and a Shield" is very interesting, and the relationship between Xi and Ayn (with one being more cautious and the other more impetuous) is a cool balance.
Amazing job and I can't wait to read more! :D
12/5/2015 c34 5WaterBudget
RG EF
Thank goodness for your summary. It's been a while... :P
Re-reading this, I can't help but feel that Xi's fear is irrational. Their EffSco must be wickedly high since she doesn't hold back in battle, though I appreciate how much she wants to prevent Piqa from becoming bait (Piqaaa, you're so precious. Ahem). Maybe it's a small number between the required minimum and the destruction that Xi can manage at her most reckless (because Users are jerks like that)? Either way, having Ayn and Piqa there to comfort her after her nightmare makes me very happy.
In the second bit, I like seeing Xi back in action instead of wallowing in fear. It suits her better. She brings up her distaste for Warhammers, though I wonder why you bring them to our attention again. We've seen the destruction they can do already...Could they be important to future plot?
Well-written as always!
5WaterBudgetRG EF
Thank goodness for your summary. It's been a while... :P
Re-reading this, I can't help but feel that Xi's fear is irrational. Their EffSco must be wickedly high since she doesn't hold back in battle, though I appreciate how much she wants to prevent Piqa from becoming bait (Piqaaa, you're so precious. Ahem). Maybe it's a small number between the required minimum and the destruction that Xi can manage at her most reckless (because Users are jerks like that)? Either way, having Ayn and Piqa there to comfort her after her nightmare makes me very happy.
In the second bit, I like seeing Xi back in action instead of wallowing in fear. It suits her better. She brings up her distaste for Warhammers, though I wonder why you bring them to our attention again. We've seen the destruction they can do already...Could they be important to future plot?
Well-written as always!
10/12/2015 c25 2Jalux
Hm, I almost feel like Xi gives in way too easily. I mean it is the rule/law that she has to follow but part of me feels like reading the past chapters (although it has been a while) that she would've been a little more defiant. Still, I think it's a good improvement in her character in that she trusts the judgment of others even reluctantly and only because he's her "superior". The segment on lube is amusing, obviously some readers will take it the wrong way and I wonder if that's intentional. Short but good chapter.
2JaluxHm, I almost feel like Xi gives in way too easily. I mean it is the rule/law that she has to follow but part of me feels like reading the past chapters (although it has been a while) that she would've been a little more defiant. Still, I think it's a good improvement in her character in that she trusts the judgment of others even reluctantly and only because he's her "superior". The segment on lube is amusing, obviously some readers will take it the wrong way and I wonder if that's intentional. Short but good chapter.
10/8/2015 c1 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
Opening: I think sentence fragments should have periods rather than semicolons in this style. I got to the first semicolon and had to reread the first part again because I wasn't sure if I had missed a word that turned it into a proper sentence. I know semicolons are technically meant to connect two similar ideas, but in this case it kept me from getting into the story right away because it read like an error.
Scene: That said, the detail in that first bit was really good. I liked how you used the different senses to show what was wrong, but also gave little bits of worldbuilding to establish the scene. That helped me paint a picture in my head of where we were beginning and gave a glimpse of the kind of world we're dealing with here.
Setting: Solidly developed. I definitely get the sense that you have concrete rules for this world and you are comfortable sliding them into the conversation that is realistic for someone in this world while also being accessible to the reader who has just stumbled into it. Your worldbuilding shines through and that made this an enjoyable read.
Plot/Other: One thing that stuck out to me was Ayn's assessment that there was nothing that he could have done to prevent Xi getting injured. It's a nitpick, but the second of celebration/cursing was something that immediately stood out to me. He acknowledges that it was a mistake in that scene, but not in the paragraph analyzing things afterward. In my opinion, that would be something that would pop into mind like survivors guilt. Like 'I could have turned us around or gotten farther away if I hadn't done that and then Xi might be okay'. Berating himself for not being professional enough to react properly and overthinking in the heat of the moment. That sort of thing. Basically what I mean is, as I read it, Ayn is meant to be beating himself up over his failings but the things he actually picks up on aren't things he controls, so that feels unrealistic/impersonal to me.
63RedactedNoLongerWritingOpening: I think sentence fragments should have periods rather than semicolons in this style. I got to the first semicolon and had to reread the first part again because I wasn't sure if I had missed a word that turned it into a proper sentence. I know semicolons are technically meant to connect two similar ideas, but in this case it kept me from getting into the story right away because it read like an error.
Scene: That said, the detail in that first bit was really good. I liked how you used the different senses to show what was wrong, but also gave little bits of worldbuilding to establish the scene. That helped me paint a picture in my head of where we were beginning and gave a glimpse of the kind of world we're dealing with here.
Setting: Solidly developed. I definitely get the sense that you have concrete rules for this world and you are comfortable sliding them into the conversation that is realistic for someone in this world while also being accessible to the reader who has just stumbled into it. Your worldbuilding shines through and that made this an enjoyable read.
Plot/Other: One thing that stuck out to me was Ayn's assessment that there was nothing that he could have done to prevent Xi getting injured. It's a nitpick, but the second of celebration/cursing was something that immediately stood out to me. He acknowledges that it was a mistake in that scene, but not in the paragraph analyzing things afterward. In my opinion, that would be something that would pop into mind like survivors guilt. Like 'I could have turned us around or gotten farther away if I hadn't done that and then Xi might be okay'. Berating himself for not being professional enough to react properly and overthinking in the heat of the moment. That sort of thing. Basically what I mean is, as I read it, Ayn is meant to be beating himself up over his failings but the things he actually picks up on aren't things he controls, so that feels unrealistic/impersonal to me.
9/29/2015 c43 20Ventracere
Oh man, it's been a while, but I liked how easy it is to get back into the flow of the chapter. Piqa's voice is incredibly present within the chapter, and that's not just due to the fact that you're using 1st Person POV. His distant view of what is going on is easy to understand as well as feel through your words. It's like he is watching what is going on through a bit of an out of body experience in the beginning. Another thing that I liked was how it seemed a bit poetic in the beginning. He's drifting and the style of writing you use there highlights it and makes the prose come across a bit floaty - in a good way.
Fletcher is always a piece of work. Even though he isn't super involved in this chapter, we can see that Piqa's apt to blame him for everything that is happening. He certainly didn't tell Piqa everything about the machine considering how Piqa was so sure that he was pressing the right buttons and the machine was malfunctioning - or Piqa just wasn't listening. Either one of the two. But I have to say the conclusion caught me the most, "Are you a Tool?" That brings up a can of worms I didn't even think of and certainly makes me more interested in just who Fletcher is. He's a bit of a shadow, plays on both sides of the spectrum. What you've done here is made him more interesting, made him more of a character that I want to dig into a bit more, which I definitely appreciated.
Thanks for the read!
20VentracereOh man, it's been a while, but I liked how easy it is to get back into the flow of the chapter. Piqa's voice is incredibly present within the chapter, and that's not just due to the fact that you're using 1st Person POV. His distant view of what is going on is easy to understand as well as feel through your words. It's like he is watching what is going on through a bit of an out of body experience in the beginning. Another thing that I liked was how it seemed a bit poetic in the beginning. He's drifting and the style of writing you use there highlights it and makes the prose come across a bit floaty - in a good way.
Fletcher is always a piece of work. Even though he isn't super involved in this chapter, we can see that Piqa's apt to blame him for everything that is happening. He certainly didn't tell Piqa everything about the machine considering how Piqa was so sure that he was pressing the right buttons and the machine was malfunctioning - or Piqa just wasn't listening. Either one of the two. But I have to say the conclusion caught me the most, "Are you a Tool?" That brings up a can of worms I didn't even think of and certainly makes me more interested in just who Fletcher is. He's a bit of a shadow, plays on both sides of the spectrum. What you've done here is made him more interesting, made him more of a character that I want to dig into a bit more, which I definitely appreciated.
Thanks for the read!
8/13/2015 c33 5WaterBudget
Had to read those beginning descriptions while peeking through my fingers. It was fairly graphic but eloquent in conveying terror with all those powerful verbs (thrashing, writhing, etc).
I have come to accept that Piqa is determined to suffer alone and will continue to see Fletcher. Maybe that's a strength in a way. Is this the start of a change? I'd like to see him have a role in the downfall of the Users, maybe as Fletcher's aide rather than research subject.
Again, you remind us of the abuses by the Users with the concept of a "close." You included just enough details for our minds to fill in the rest...
Ayn is grumpy here. No wonder Piqa sasses him (on the inside anyway) and lies to him. Also, I am curious about the nature of Ayn's reaction here and the reason why he's bothered. Jealousy maybe?
5WaterBudgetHad to read those beginning descriptions while peeking through my fingers. It was fairly graphic but eloquent in conveying terror with all those powerful verbs (thrashing, writhing, etc).
I have come to accept that Piqa is determined to suffer alone and will continue to see Fletcher. Maybe that's a strength in a way. Is this the start of a change? I'd like to see him have a role in the downfall of the Users, maybe as Fletcher's aide rather than research subject.
Again, you remind us of the abuses by the Users with the concept of a "close." You included just enough details for our minds to fill in the rest...
Ayn is grumpy here. No wonder Piqa sasses him (on the inside anyway) and lies to him. Also, I am curious about the nature of Ayn's reaction here and the reason why he's bothered. Jealousy maybe?