for The Axis of Solitude1/11/2015 c1 
13360pages
An interesting set-up, though it reminds me of so many other series wit a similar club. I can think about two, even if I can't name them from the top of my head. That's not a bad thing, since most of these series are really charming and yours have a nice flavor of writing to it. This has a very light novel style of writing, which makes sense, but I do tend to notice a lot of Light Novels tend to tell rather than show.
Our main character, Amagiri does a lot of narration about his relationship with Shizuki rather us being shown though dialog between them. They are people that talk to one another, (I won't call them friends since the main character doesn't view her as such) but we are told they talk to one another, but we aren't shown this. It probably would have been easier to write a simple conversation between the two about the weather rather than him narrating that they talk to one another.
As for Shizuki herself...eh, I am never fond of her type of character even if this is the first chapter. But the most popular/queen of the school character always felt...off to me. I guess it's mostly due to the male equivalent to said characters are usually played for humor while the female type are usually played straight. Though I can't help but feel that her being the girl that everyone wants and Amagiri being the one person that doesn't care for her and by extension makes him somewhat more special.
Of course, I'm probably reading too much into things, I didn't find any bad spelling errors or grammar errors so that's good. And the narration fits quite well with the type of character Amagiri is.
13360pagesAn interesting set-up, though it reminds me of so many other series wit a similar club. I can think about two, even if I can't name them from the top of my head. That's not a bad thing, since most of these series are really charming and yours have a nice flavor of writing to it. This has a very light novel style of writing, which makes sense, but I do tend to notice a lot of Light Novels tend to tell rather than show.
Our main character, Amagiri does a lot of narration about his relationship with Shizuki rather us being shown though dialog between them. They are people that talk to one another, (I won't call them friends since the main character doesn't view her as such) but we are told they talk to one another, but we aren't shown this. It probably would have been easier to write a simple conversation between the two about the weather rather than him narrating that they talk to one another.
As for Shizuki herself...eh, I am never fond of her type of character even if this is the first chapter. But the most popular/queen of the school character always felt...off to me. I guess it's mostly due to the male equivalent to said characters are usually played for humor while the female type are usually played straight. Though I can't help but feel that her being the girl that everyone wants and Amagiri being the one person that doesn't care for her and by extension makes him somewhat more special.
Of course, I'm probably reading too much into things, I didn't find any bad spelling errors or grammar errors so that's good. And the narration fits quite well with the type of character Amagiri is.
4/24/2014 c1 18cud-b-better
Getting some boku wa tomodachi sukunai vibes; not that I have anything against that. I'm looking forward to hearing how all these people became "broken". I've already came up with the theory regarding Shizuki Rin, although I am hoping you are going to surprise me. Humans maybe weak alone but together they are strong!
I liked the way you ended the chapter that maybe salvation would be waiting. It gives me a little insight into the main character even if it is only a little (he at the very least admits to himself he has a problem and he wants to solve it, at least that's how I see it).
Good work so far, I find these kind of things are some of the most difficult series to write, I wish you luck.
18cud-b-betterGetting some boku wa tomodachi sukunai vibes; not that I have anything against that. I'm looking forward to hearing how all these people became "broken". I've already came up with the theory regarding Shizuki Rin, although I am hoping you are going to surprise me. Humans maybe weak alone but together they are strong!
I liked the way you ended the chapter that maybe salvation would be waiting. It gives me a little insight into the main character even if it is only a little (he at the very least admits to himself he has a problem and he wants to solve it, at least that's how I see it).
Good work so far, I find these kind of things are some of the most difficult series to write, I wish you luck.
1/2/2014 c5 10DappledKarma
Return from paradise indeed... The reminders that these characters are broken people... sad, but, of course, there's still hope for them, that they can be fixed, see the world in a more positive light, and maybe gain a friend or two. Amagiri... I wish he would have let Rin know how he felt after that moment last chapter, even if it meant the end of her world. Ends often lead to new beginnings. ;)
Ah, finally, Kozuki Sakuya. Seems like she's suffering - and all the other club members, I assume, with the probable exceptions of Amagiri and Rin - from hedgehog's dilemma, judging by some of Amagiri's exposition in an earlier chapter, in addition to being bullied. Hope she can overcome both, and become an active member of the club.
I am really enjoying this story, Unwei-san (can I start calling you that? XD). Waiting patiently for more.
10DappledKarmaReturn from paradise indeed... The reminders that these characters are broken people... sad, but, of course, there's still hope for them, that they can be fixed, see the world in a more positive light, and maybe gain a friend or two. Amagiri... I wish he would have let Rin know how he felt after that moment last chapter, even if it meant the end of her world. Ends often lead to new beginnings. ;)
Ah, finally, Kozuki Sakuya. Seems like she's suffering - and all the other club members, I assume, with the probable exceptions of Amagiri and Rin - from hedgehog's dilemma, judging by some of Amagiri's exposition in an earlier chapter, in addition to being bullied. Hope she can overcome both, and become an active member of the club.
I am really enjoying this story, Unwei-san (can I start calling you that? XD). Waiting patiently for more.
1/2/2014 c1 Neo Rulez
Interesting chapter i really like how the story is starting can't wait to read more
Interesting chapter i really like how the story is starting can't wait to read more
12/20/2013 c4 7Razorine
Yey, an update! It seems you focused on Amagiri and Shizuki's relationship in this chapter. I was genuinely pleased to see the poetic prose of Amagiri once more, coupled with his deep thoughts.
You tell more than you write. I could imagine what the setting looked like from your descriptions, and the setting itself was quite... halcyon? It fit the state of things, anyways xD
So Shizuki and Amagiri aren't friends? Ah, their relationship is quite a detached one. I'm actually wondering if their bond will blossom into friendship. What I do like about them is how I can picture them not having a romantic relationship. Usually, many will picture a boy and a girl as a romantic couple, but with Amagiri and Rin I just see them as what the former says- kindred spirits.
The ending was beautiful. I could see that some progress in development happened x3
I do wonder how they'll help Kozuki. Hope I can figure that out next chapter!
Update, and I shall read. ;D
7RazorineYey, an update! It seems you focused on Amagiri and Shizuki's relationship in this chapter. I was genuinely pleased to see the poetic prose of Amagiri once more, coupled with his deep thoughts.
You tell more than you write. I could imagine what the setting looked like from your descriptions, and the setting itself was quite... halcyon? It fit the state of things, anyways xD
So Shizuki and Amagiri aren't friends? Ah, their relationship is quite a detached one. I'm actually wondering if their bond will blossom into friendship. What I do like about them is how I can picture them not having a romantic relationship. Usually, many will picture a boy and a girl as a romantic couple, but with Amagiri and Rin I just see them as what the former says- kindred spirits.
The ending was beautiful. I could see that some progress in development happened x3
I do wonder how they'll help Kozuki. Hope I can figure that out next chapter!
Update, and I shall read. ;D
12/20/2013 c4 10DappledKarma
Great way to end the chapter. It's good to see Amagiri and Rin opening up to each other, if only a little, and seeing how he does want to hold on to something, going by that last paragraph. That speck of light in an ocean of darkness is always worth chasing after.
10DappledKarmaGreat way to end the chapter. It's good to see Amagiri and Rin opening up to each other, if only a little, and seeing how he does want to hold on to something, going by that last paragraph. That speck of light in an ocean of darkness is always worth chasing after.
12/10/2013 c1 5Y. S. Wong
Finally. Took me long enough to get here, eh? Anyways, I can tell you were gunning for that light novel feel right off the bat. And I'd say, for the most part, you did a good job replicating the style.
Hmm. I also notice that you jump between past and present when switching from Amagiri narrating to action. That's kind of awkward and inconsistent; I'd recommend just sticking to one. Call me biased, but I think going all present tense would be better. Your prose sounds most alive when Amagiri is narrating and voicing his thoughts anyway.
As for the story idea itself, I've seen this done before, but I like your take on it. I thought your writing got better as it got along as well, culminating with a nice hook at the end to lead into the next chapter. So well done.
5Y. S. WongFinally. Took me long enough to get here, eh? Anyways, I can tell you were gunning for that light novel feel right off the bat. And I'd say, for the most part, you did a good job replicating the style.
Hmm. I also notice that you jump between past and present when switching from Amagiri narrating to action. That's kind of awkward and inconsistent; I'd recommend just sticking to one. Call me biased, but I think going all present tense would be better. Your prose sounds most alive when Amagiri is narrating and voicing his thoughts anyway.
As for the story idea itself, I've seen this done before, but I like your take on it. I thought your writing got better as it got along as well, culminating with a nice hook at the end to lead into the next chapter. So well done.
11/27/2013 c3 2Kenshin Kojima
So now we get to see one in charge of the club...Tachibana-sensei. My impression of him is an easy-going (perhaps a little lazy) teacher. But I can see that he cares about his students. I am curious to see how Amagiri and Shizuki is going to help Sakuya.
2Kenshin KojimaSo now we get to see one in charge of the club...Tachibana-sensei. My impression of him is an easy-going (perhaps a little lazy) teacher. But I can see that he cares about his students. I am curious to see how Amagiri and Shizuki is going to help Sakuya.
11/27/2013 c2 Kenshin Kojima
I got to see the kind of girl that Shizuki Rin is. In a sense, she thinks of her beauty as a blessing and a curse. I think she likes Amagiri in her own twisted way. I think understand Rin a little better more.
I got to see the kind of girl that Shizuki Rin is. In a sense, she thinks of her beauty as a blessing and a curse. I think she likes Amagiri in her own twisted way. I think understand Rin a little better more.
11/27/2013 c1 Kenshin Kojima
It was a good introduction to the story. I kind got an understanding of the main character from his interacting with the nameless boy and Shizuki Rin. I also got an understanding of the Rin character. Again, this was a good intro.
It was a good introduction to the story. I kind got an understanding of the main character from his interacting with the nameless boy and Shizuki Rin. I also got an understanding of the Rin character. Again, this was a good intro.
10/26/2013 c3 xxxyx
Great choice of words. Brevity is strong here.
I wonder what IS Amagiri's issue, btw.
But then, this story is, more or less, psychology made interesting.
'If normal people can't help you, then you can only seek help from those who are broken, just like you.' - I'm definitely quoting this!
Quite a teacher, this Tachibana-sensei. Kozuki? Ah, now I see, more or less, the direction of this story. The idea still interests me. A lot.
'What else are you going to rely on when you grow old and ugly?' - lol
So far, this story's characterizations are so well thought of, that I've not yet been able to decide between the three, that is, which one is my favorite character. Yes, even Mr Tachibana, from his very short appearance so far.
Keep it up. It's going to be a pity if a project like this is left unfinished. ;)
Great choice of words. Brevity is strong here.
I wonder what IS Amagiri's issue, btw.
But then, this story is, more or less, psychology made interesting.
'If normal people can't help you, then you can only seek help from those who are broken, just like you.' - I'm definitely quoting this!
Quite a teacher, this Tachibana-sensei. Kozuki? Ah, now I see, more or less, the direction of this story. The idea still interests me. A lot.
'What else are you going to rely on when you grow old and ugly?' - lol
So far, this story's characterizations are so well thought of, that I've not yet been able to decide between the three, that is, which one is my favorite character. Yes, even Mr Tachibana, from his very short appearance so far.
Keep it up. It's going to be a pity if a project like this is left unfinished. ;)
10/26/2013 c2 xxxyx
Welp, got some free time, so here goes.
I like the psychological idea behind Shizuki Rin. The facade paradox.
And yes, the trash and treasure philosophy.
'Needless to say, that's an impossibility.' *nods* I like the sharp and deep observations of Mr Protag here. In terms of thoughtfulness and philosophy, this is definitely much, much more enjoyable than the Eternal Tale, i.e. as brain food. So I think this story definitely succeeds in that aspect, so far.
Hm, having coincidentally been reading Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus quite recently, I guess... yeah, Shizuki wants someone who would listen with absolute honesty. This might develop into romance, but then, probably not, seeing how moving it into romance, if coming from Amagiri-kun, would crash their relationship devastatingly, as Shizuki would feel that he's going for her appearance. In a relationship like this, the childish one is king/queen.
Welp, maybe I can relate to Shizuki-san. Long story, never mind.
'You shouldn't ask this if you didn't want me to agree.' Very, very smart, Amagiri-kun. 'I'm a twisted woman, after all.' *facepalms* Why did I see myself in Shizuki's answer?
Overall, definitely better than last chapter, being some very interesting developments, and definitely better than The Eternal Tale in my opinion. Let's see the next chapter, shall we?
Welp, got some free time, so here goes.
I like the psychological idea behind Shizuki Rin. The facade paradox.
And yes, the trash and treasure philosophy.
'Needless to say, that's an impossibility.' *nods* I like the sharp and deep observations of Mr Protag here. In terms of thoughtfulness and philosophy, this is definitely much, much more enjoyable than the Eternal Tale, i.e. as brain food. So I think this story definitely succeeds in that aspect, so far.
Hm, having coincidentally been reading Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus quite recently, I guess... yeah, Shizuki wants someone who would listen with absolute honesty. This might develop into romance, but then, probably not, seeing how moving it into romance, if coming from Amagiri-kun, would crash their relationship devastatingly, as Shizuki would feel that he's going for her appearance. In a relationship like this, the childish one is king/queen.
Welp, maybe I can relate to Shizuki-san. Long story, never mind.
'You shouldn't ask this if you didn't want me to agree.' Very, very smart, Amagiri-kun. 'I'm a twisted woman, after all.' *facepalms* Why did I see myself in Shizuki's answer?
Overall, definitely better than last chapter, being some very interesting developments, and definitely better than The Eternal Tale in my opinion. Let's see the next chapter, shall we?
10/25/2013 c3 7Razorine
Late review, been pretty lazy x3
Anyway, I'm excited. This Kozuki person sounds interesting. I'm itching to read the next chapter.
I find that your characters are genuine, which is a big plus for me. I like how Tachibana has a nice relationship with Amagiri and Shizuki, since most teachers don't have that kind of intimacy with their students (don't take that the wrong way *is shot*)
But more philosophy! Even though some may class it as ranting, I personally enjoy it (unless you repeat certain factors). Amagiri's understanding of the world is very alluring. I hope to read more of his thoughts soon.
And of course, the prose here is smooth, almost brooding. No argument over here x3
I give too much praise on reviews and not enough criticism. But I'm bad at giving the latter, so yeah.
Hope to read more! ;D
7RazorineLate review, been pretty lazy x3
Anyway, I'm excited. This Kozuki person sounds interesting. I'm itching to read the next chapter.
I find that your characters are genuine, which is a big plus for me. I like how Tachibana has a nice relationship with Amagiri and Shizuki, since most teachers don't have that kind of intimacy with their students (don't take that the wrong way *is shot*)
But more philosophy! Even though some may class it as ranting, I personally enjoy it (unless you repeat certain factors). Amagiri's understanding of the world is very alluring. I hope to read more of his thoughts soon.
And of course, the prose here is smooth, almost brooding. No argument over here x3
I give too much praise on reviews and not enough criticism. But I'm bad at giving the latter, so yeah.
Hope to read more! ;D
10/22/2013 c3 10DappledKarma
That last line, hehe. I liked how straightforward and honest Tachibana-sensei was with his students.
At first I thought this story was going for an episodic-like approach where Amigiri ends up speaking to, and about, each club member, but it seems more like it could have small story arcs involving them. Whatever the case, I'm eager to see more.
10DappledKarmaThat last line, hehe. I liked how straightforward and honest Tachibana-sensei was with his students.
At first I thought this story was going for an episodic-like approach where Amigiri ends up speaking to, and about, each club member, but it seems more like it could have small story arcs involving them. Whatever the case, I'm eager to see more.