Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Ocean

11/10/2013 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
This is a really strong short story. I love the use of dialect for the narration, and you weave it nicely with the characters. Even though it’s a short space of time, you do a brilliant job of introducing these two to us (as readers) and letting us get to know them. Nice, strong ending, especially as you hold back on what, exactly, her father is like until then. Really interesting.
9/13/2013 c1 4lookingwest
It's cool to learn more about this family through your different short stories and works with them. You always seem to show us all these little snippets - it would make a get short story collection, I think, if you put them all together. I could totally see that working.

Anyway, specifically regarding this piece, I like how you started with the idea of a tidal wave, since even though her father tells her it can't touch them, in a literary-way, it does touch both of them through their lack of love for one another or at least - on Gracie's part right now, or even just on an emotional level. It hits her father like a tidal wave and he gets drug out to the ocean, it seems, and drowns in it. It's sad as hell, lol.

I like how you characterized his hesitance through their dialogue of whether or not he can be really open with his daughter. I liked the snipping that they do at each other, especially how he just calls her "girl" - it seems to kind of sting, in the end. I liked, as always, your dialect, because I think it gives Gracie and her father such an impressive amount of voice, and it works really great, such a big highlight for these characters and their stories.

The ending came very sudden, and I think that reflects how sudden it came about for Gracie, too. It reflects it really well. I remember there's another piece where she talks about his death, so to really zoom in here and see one of their last exchanges be sort of bitter is very heartbreaking. It was able to show and demonstrate their very complex relationship in a good light. Overall, well done Elric, I'd look forward to reading more about Gracie, for sure!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service