Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for My Z

1/26/2014 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
Although it’s short, this is a fairly powerful piece. You manage to convey the emotions effectively and you don’t spend too long overemphasising the points or forcing any sort of points down the throat of the reader. It feels very honest and raw, and in a short space you really help the reader connect with the character. Really good stuff. Keep writing.
9/20/2013 c1 4lookingwest
Ya know - reading this and even all the recent stuff you've posted lately, I totally am going to add you to my favorite author's list because I feel like I've read so much of your work and over the past like, I don't know, two years, even? you've just really improved and I really enjoyed this piece here.

Where normally I would look at something like this and think you know, oh this a product of an emo scene or something, it totally wasn't. And you did a really good job handling themes of suicide in teenagers without making it sound really melodramatic or overdone - I think maybe it was the candid voice of your narrator, which I really liked, too. But things were well formulated, and overall, I think you do a great job showing the reader this troublesome relationship, and how these two people kind of feed of of each other in not good ways. The ending is kind of heartbreaking, I like the phrasing of the last two lines. Especially the last line, because it isn't something like, "I wish we'd dated" or "I wish you'd have loved me" or anything like that - it's deeper, a more gut-wrenching way to put it, I think.

The only part I'm a little iffy on is the scene with the kiss when they fall in the lake because I'm not sure I visually had that as something that could be probable - so there was a little tense moment of suspension of disbelief there for me, BUT I think the outcome of it - the fact that he had to kind of help her recover, worked really well to foreshadow her coming path of destruction. Also, it's fascinating that her love stemmed from hate of Z, which I think also brings a unique edge to these two and I liked that.

Overall, great job on this Elric :)
9/20/2013 c1 1KoreanVampirate
Awww, that was the cutest and saddest thing I have ever read, if that is possible. You are a great writer to be able to convey such emotions in writing and, even better, to the reader. Good job. Enjoyed it.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service