for Love Through A War10/5/2013 c7 freddyburn
To call Violet's mom a bitch would be an insult to female dogs everywhere.
Also, mistake: "Second, Mr. Smith, I know you were a mechanic once, so it it's fine with you I'd appreciate it if you were our handy man." Instead of it it's fine, try if it's fine
To call Violet's mom a bitch would be an insult to female dogs everywhere.
Also, mistake: "Second, Mr. Smith, I know you were a mechanic once, so it it's fine with you I'd appreciate it if you were our handy man." Instead of it it's fine, try if it's fine
10/5/2013 c6 freddyburn
I hate Violet's mother.
Also, a mistake: "Julian felt like he was exploding inside as he thought how coldly his mother-in-law was." Take out the coldly. The correct word for this sentence would be cold.
I hate Violet's mother.
Also, a mistake: "Julian felt like he was exploding inside as he thought how coldly his mother-in-law was." Take out the coldly. The correct word for this sentence would be cold.
10/5/2013 c5 freddyburn
OK, glad to see some tension in this chapter, because your characters were on the verge of becoming Mary-Sue's and Gary-Stu's.
And damn it, why did you have to leave it on a cliffy?
OK, glad to see some tension in this chapter, because your characters were on the verge of becoming Mary-Sue's and Gary-Stu's.
And damn it, why did you have to leave it on a cliffy?
9/30/2013 c4 freddyburn
YES... I was right, it wasn't a zombie in the bushes... glad to see the group expanding
YES... I was right, it wasn't a zombie in the bushes... glad to see the group expanding
9/25/2013 c3 
2sammy20
I'm addicted. This is a very good story so far. Looking forward to the next chapter!
2sammy20I'm addicted. This is a very good story so far. Looking forward to the next chapter!
9/25/2013 c3 29freddyburn
Interesting twist, making Violet a diabetic. And something tells me that it isn't zombies in the rose bushes.
29freddyburnInteresting twist, making Violet a diabetic. And something tells me that it isn't zombies in the rose bushes.
9/24/2013 c1 freddyburn
Interesting first chapter, will have to keep an eye on this story. You have a few minor mistakes here and there:
"Oh, mother for just listen to me will you?" Missing a word in this sentence.
Also, try comma's instead of full stops at the end of speech, it's very halting with a full stop running onto a "he/she said".
Also, Violet went from not knowing what was going on to knowing that there are "things" out there when Julian hadn't told her a thing except to pack. For all she knew, there was a major terrorist attack going on.
Overall, this is probably the best intro to a zombie story I've read in a long time
Interesting first chapter, will have to keep an eye on this story. You have a few minor mistakes here and there:
"Oh, mother for just listen to me will you?" Missing a word in this sentence.
Also, try comma's instead of full stops at the end of speech, it's very halting with a full stop running onto a "he/she said".
Also, Violet went from not knowing what was going on to knowing that there are "things" out there when Julian hadn't told her a thing except to pack. For all she knew, there was a major terrorist attack going on.
Overall, this is probably the best intro to a zombie story I've read in a long time