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for A Single Solitary

9/26/2013 c1 387tolerate
I like how the phrase 'a single solitary' is repeated. The feeling it gives me is a narrator kind of feeling, like a storyteller's voice and phrasing and how they read it. The way you write it is like telling a story in a very precise manner. The imagery of this stanza is like an old painting. Hairbrush, hair, desk - it has a haunting impression. Picturesque. The phrase 'slanting sunlight' immediately lets the reader know what exactly you're trying to say, or show. I like the way you put the 'never spoken, always known' in brackets. I feel it's a beautiful line. In the fourth stanza, I really love the lines '(giving love.) taking love' - and even more so because you bracketed them like that. If you hadn't, the effect it had on me wouldn't be as strong. 'dark and black and dark and black but' is clever wordplay. You seem to repeat some words a few times in different stanzas and I like that because it shows a connection between all of these things, like a link. It's as though the lines with exclamation marks are showing her anxiety at the knowledge of her not being there, or the feeling of the room being present and her being absent. Like she's dreaming and she can see the room but she can't see her body and so she doesn't know if she's really there, and she's panicking. Fusing words together 'whywhywhy' is also showing how anxious she feels, hysteria, madness. The last stanza was beautifully sad. I loved the bracketed part of it. I love how you repeated 'but her'. It's so beautiful. I love your repetition and wordplay and description. I love this poem.

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