for Black Trinity: Ascension9/14/2014 c16 
1Tomoyuki Tanaka
So...what happened to Larry? Did he die? Are you continuing this story? At least Mark and friends defeated the Corrupter, but for some reason I'm reminded of the Corrupter from Starcraft 2. Ha ha ha!
Well...I have nothing to say. It was fun while it lasted, but I didn't understand what was going on half the time. Still, looking forward to what you will write in future!
1Tomoyuki TanakaSo...what happened to Larry? Did he die? Are you continuing this story? At least Mark and friends defeated the Corrupter, but for some reason I'm reminded of the Corrupter from Starcraft 2. Ha ha ha!
Well...I have nothing to say. It was fun while it lasted, but I didn't understand what was going on half the time. Still, looking forward to what you will write in future!
9/14/2014 c15 Tomoyuki Tanaka
At least Tenrof gained his sanity, but I laughed at Hellbringer. He was such a cool villain, and I enjoyed his appearance. Too bad he died the way he did, it was pretty anticlimatic.
And the other characters except Coral/Fate are really red herrings, aren't they? They just don't do anything.
At least Tenrof gained his sanity, but I laughed at Hellbringer. He was such a cool villain, and I enjoyed his appearance. Too bad he died the way he did, it was pretty anticlimatic.
And the other characters except Coral/Fate are really red herrings, aren't they? They just don't do anything.
9/14/2014 c14 Tomoyuki Tanaka
I do hope you learn something from those good books, particularly with regards on how to construct a coherent, consistent plot that has continuity because right now it's pretty random and I don't know what's going on other than everyone wanting this Wheels of Fate thing. Okay.
At least you're funny. The humor is awesome, and I can't stop myself from laughing sometimes. Looking forward to more.
I do hope you learn something from those good books, particularly with regards on how to construct a coherent, consistent plot that has continuity because right now it's pretty random and I don't know what's going on other than everyone wanting this Wheels of Fate thing. Okay.
At least you're funny. The humor is awesome, and I can't stop myself from laughing sometimes. Looking forward to more.
9/14/2014 c13 Tomoyuki Tanaka
I can't say I like what I read because I'm completely lost and confused. What's going on? Why are Lady Fate and Tenrof fighting? And then she suddenly lets him sleep in her lap. And then she beats him up again. Everything is so random and spontaneous I have no idea what is going on anymore.
And all of a sudden a giant monster attacks. Well, it does have continuity, given how you mentioned Vaxria's pets a few chapters ago, but it was so random, and it happened right after so many random battles that have nothing to do with each other. I mean, Larry? Coral/Fate? What's going on, and who is who? And why put someone's head in your lap if you're going to try and kill him when he awakes?
I'll read on and try to understand.
I can't say I like what I read because I'm completely lost and confused. What's going on? Why are Lady Fate and Tenrof fighting? And then she suddenly lets him sleep in her lap. And then she beats him up again. Everything is so random and spontaneous I have no idea what is going on anymore.
And all of a sudden a giant monster attacks. Well, it does have continuity, given how you mentioned Vaxria's pets a few chapters ago, but it was so random, and it happened right after so many random battles that have nothing to do with each other. I mean, Larry? Coral/Fate? What's going on, and who is who? And why put someone's head in your lap if you're going to try and kill him when he awakes?
I'll read on and try to understand.
9/14/2014 c12 Tomoyuki Tanaka
One thing. Since when can you hear people talking in outer space? Sound doesn't travel in a vacuum! That's impossible! How is Tenrof hearing those two dudes speak in outer space?!
And Lady Fate is an enemy? What just happened? One moment they were so lovey dovey, and the next thing they're trying to kill each other? I don't remember them becoming enemies in the last chapter. Weird.
Well, on to the next chapter.
One thing. Since when can you hear people talking in outer space? Sound doesn't travel in a vacuum! That's impossible! How is Tenrof hearing those two dudes speak in outer space?!
And Lady Fate is an enemy? What just happened? One moment they were so lovey dovey, and the next thing they're trying to kill each other? I don't remember them becoming enemies in the last chapter. Weird.
Well, on to the next chapter.
8/29/2014 c11 Tomoyuki Tanaka
A space fish? Does such a thing exist? Then again, there were Behemoth aliens flying around in the universe of Starcraft before the Zerg incorporated them into the Swarm and turned them into Overlords, so I'll assume they do. Whatever.
Mark finallly seems useful, but I'm looking forward to him actually doing something to the enemy than recovering Tenrof's sanity. And Ten is easier to say than Tenrof? Really? Time must have gotten his timing wrong.
And you never mentioned that Adria is fighting so I got all confused when Tenrof told Mark off for fantasizing or drooling over her. When did they even fight? Or did I miss something?
Anyway, cool story, bro. Will look forward to the next chapter now.
A space fish? Does such a thing exist? Then again, there were Behemoth aliens flying around in the universe of Starcraft before the Zerg incorporated them into the Swarm and turned them into Overlords, so I'll assume they do. Whatever.
Mark finallly seems useful, but I'm looking forward to him actually doing something to the enemy than recovering Tenrof's sanity. And Ten is easier to say than Tenrof? Really? Time must have gotten his timing wrong.
And you never mentioned that Adria is fighting so I got all confused when Tenrof told Mark off for fantasizing or drooling over her. When did they even fight? Or did I miss something?
Anyway, cool story, bro. Will look forward to the next chapter now.
8/29/2014 c10 Tomoyuki Tanaka
Sylvia? Who is that? I do have to say the way Achilles taunted Tenrof was nothing sort of unnatural. It just seemed, I don't know, scripted. Like, "blah blah blah", and I'm surprised Tenrof started going berserk at that. I don't know how to make it more natural, but seriously? "She was captured, tortured, and finally...killed."
Guy's got to be a bit more elaborate than that to get under Tenrof's skin. Maybe elaborate more. How was she tortured? How did the dude rape her? Be more explicit. Just stating those three words doesn't compell any emotions. It just makes the whole thing seem fake.
And Achilles got destroyed again. I'm beginning to think Tenrof is invincible, especially when he showed up and made fun of Larry. The guy is seriously too God-like. And Achilles called that a weakness!? Does he even know what a weakness is? A weakness doesn't involve turning a guy into a berserker who rips you apart. A weakness is something you exploit to defeat the guy. Driving him berserk and claiming it's his weakness is not a smart move.
Well, other than that it was pretty fun, and Tenrof making fun of Larry was amusing. Will be looking forward to seeing what happens next. And...Lady Fate already thinking Tenrof is charming. Goodness, I think I know where this is going. Sigh.
Sylvia? Who is that? I do have to say the way Achilles taunted Tenrof was nothing sort of unnatural. It just seemed, I don't know, scripted. Like, "blah blah blah", and I'm surprised Tenrof started going berserk at that. I don't know how to make it more natural, but seriously? "She was captured, tortured, and finally...killed."
Guy's got to be a bit more elaborate than that to get under Tenrof's skin. Maybe elaborate more. How was she tortured? How did the dude rape her? Be more explicit. Just stating those three words doesn't compell any emotions. It just makes the whole thing seem fake.
And Achilles got destroyed again. I'm beginning to think Tenrof is invincible, especially when he showed up and made fun of Larry. The guy is seriously too God-like. And Achilles called that a weakness!? Does he even know what a weakness is? A weakness doesn't involve turning a guy into a berserker who rips you apart. A weakness is something you exploit to defeat the guy. Driving him berserk and claiming it's his weakness is not a smart move.
Well, other than that it was pretty fun, and Tenrof making fun of Larry was amusing. Will be looking forward to seeing what happens next. And...Lady Fate already thinking Tenrof is charming. Goodness, I think I know where this is going. Sigh.
8/22/2014 c9 Tomoyuki Tanaka
If you really want constructive criticism, I will give it to you straight.
First, the good things. The plot is moving somewhere, Lady Fate has finally made an appearance, and Tenrof has a clear goal and destination in mind now, as opposed to the random "get the Wheels of Fate by bashing every random stranger who shows up, and is super-powered only because the author says they are" that has been leading the entire story thus far. Your action scenes are awesome. YAY! It was fun to see Tenrof beat people right and left, chain them or put them into coffins, then sock them, but it's slowly turning repetitive because that's pretty much all he does. At least he shows some emotion with Fate here, and that's great. It was refreshing to see Tenrof actually have something other than fighting.
Now, the criticism. I'll be blunt, Tenrof is right now a God Mode Mary Sue. I can't mince my words because that's what he is. He's just owning everyone it's kind of...well, ridiculous. There's no one who can threaten him right now. All these S, SS, X, XX ranks are kind of meaningless if Tenrof keeps crushing them so easily. And he always steals the show. Finally I thought the other characters will have their chance to shine, because Tenrof was always praising them. Like how he praised Time and Adria here. And how Mark joined in the battle.
But what happened? You turned it into a "screw it, I don't need sidekicks", and had Tenrof jump in at the end to obliterate the hydra at the end (with that bitch) without any help. It just makes Mark, Father Time and Adria meaningless. They don't seem to have any role in the story, except to be ursurped by Tenrof all the time, or to be beaten up by enemies only for Tenrof to jump in and save them. And this isn't the first time. It's the third or fourth time in 9 chapers. You have to give your characters more meaning. I get that Adria is strong, but if the only people she defeats are insignificant nameless characters, and if Mark's only kill in the story thus far is a giant eagle (that, to be fair, did eat the Virgin Mary), then they are kind of pointless. They are strong because you say so, but not because they are strong. To the readers, they seem...I don't know, kind of weak. It's really a pity because Mark was a great character with so much potential, and I'm willing to bet there are more readers who claim that Mark is their favorite character. Do him justice and don't have Tenrof saving him all the time and hogging all the glory.
Tenrof is literally a god without peer right now, and I'm like wondering why should I read about him if I already know he's just going to have a good time owning enemies and wiping the floor with them? Your fight scenes are awesome, but Tenrof is literally one-shotting most of his enemies right now without getting so much as a single scratch on himself. And he does that too many times, with too many random enemies it gets repetitive after a while.
The only thing I'm looking forward to is Tenrof reviving Fate and resuming his relationship with her. To me, their relationship is the only thing that seems very interesting and refreshing to read. So I can't wait for that.
That's the constructive criticism, ha ha. Don't take it too seriously. You're writing this for fun anyway. You don't have to change your style or anything, and I guess that's the point of the whole story, to pretend to be a god and go around destroying stuff while being invincible. If you have fun writing such stories, go for it. I guess.
I will read the rest of the chapters soon. See you!
If you really want constructive criticism, I will give it to you straight.
First, the good things. The plot is moving somewhere, Lady Fate has finally made an appearance, and Tenrof has a clear goal and destination in mind now, as opposed to the random "get the Wheels of Fate by bashing every random stranger who shows up, and is super-powered only because the author says they are" that has been leading the entire story thus far. Your action scenes are awesome. YAY! It was fun to see Tenrof beat people right and left, chain them or put them into coffins, then sock them, but it's slowly turning repetitive because that's pretty much all he does. At least he shows some emotion with Fate here, and that's great. It was refreshing to see Tenrof actually have something other than fighting.
Now, the criticism. I'll be blunt, Tenrof is right now a God Mode Mary Sue. I can't mince my words because that's what he is. He's just owning everyone it's kind of...well, ridiculous. There's no one who can threaten him right now. All these S, SS, X, XX ranks are kind of meaningless if Tenrof keeps crushing them so easily. And he always steals the show. Finally I thought the other characters will have their chance to shine, because Tenrof was always praising them. Like how he praised Time and Adria here. And how Mark joined in the battle.
But what happened? You turned it into a "screw it, I don't need sidekicks", and had Tenrof jump in at the end to obliterate the hydra at the end (with that bitch) without any help. It just makes Mark, Father Time and Adria meaningless. They don't seem to have any role in the story, except to be ursurped by Tenrof all the time, or to be beaten up by enemies only for Tenrof to jump in and save them. And this isn't the first time. It's the third or fourth time in 9 chapers. You have to give your characters more meaning. I get that Adria is strong, but if the only people she defeats are insignificant nameless characters, and if Mark's only kill in the story thus far is a giant eagle (that, to be fair, did eat the Virgin Mary), then they are kind of pointless. They are strong because you say so, but not because they are strong. To the readers, they seem...I don't know, kind of weak. It's really a pity because Mark was a great character with so much potential, and I'm willing to bet there are more readers who claim that Mark is their favorite character. Do him justice and don't have Tenrof saving him all the time and hogging all the glory.
Tenrof is literally a god without peer right now, and I'm like wondering why should I read about him if I already know he's just going to have a good time owning enemies and wiping the floor with them? Your fight scenes are awesome, but Tenrof is literally one-shotting most of his enemies right now without getting so much as a single scratch on himself. And he does that too many times, with too many random enemies it gets repetitive after a while.
The only thing I'm looking forward to is Tenrof reviving Fate and resuming his relationship with her. To me, their relationship is the only thing that seems very interesting and refreshing to read. So I can't wait for that.
That's the constructive criticism, ha ha. Don't take it too seriously. You're writing this for fun anyway. You don't have to change your style or anything, and I guess that's the point of the whole story, to pretend to be a god and go around destroying stuff while being invincible. If you have fun writing such stories, go for it. I guess.
I will read the rest of the chapters soon. See you!
8/22/2014 c8 Tomoyuki Tanaka
This was a very fun chapter. Full of action, random violence and chaos. I've stopped bothering to remember the villains except the Virgin, who died a hilarious death (eaten by an eagle? Really?), because they all exist just to get beaten and killed by Tenrof. Ace? What ace? Who cares about Shade? All of them are just cannon fodder.
I just felt that it was wasted. At the beginning I thought Mark will finally have his chance to shine. You know, since he learned the Reithan Fist and all that. BUT what happened? He didn't do anything of note, except for that lightning strike. His Reithan Fist was ineffective, he got his face bashed in, etc. I still don't get why Tenrof rates him so highly. The guy just does...nothing. The same with Adria. I get that they are sidekicks, but Tenrof is the one doing most of the fighting so far. At least Adria killed a few anonymous dudes and Mark slew the eagle, but other than that they just serve as a foil to Tenrof.
At least Time made that badass entrance at the end. That was pretty cool. I just hope he doesn't get beaten up like Mark or Adria every time.
This was a very fun chapter. Full of action, random violence and chaos. I've stopped bothering to remember the villains except the Virgin, who died a hilarious death (eaten by an eagle? Really?), because they all exist just to get beaten and killed by Tenrof. Ace? What ace? Who cares about Shade? All of them are just cannon fodder.
I just felt that it was wasted. At the beginning I thought Mark will finally have his chance to shine. You know, since he learned the Reithan Fist and all that. BUT what happened? He didn't do anything of note, except for that lightning strike. His Reithan Fist was ineffective, he got his face bashed in, etc. I still don't get why Tenrof rates him so highly. The guy just does...nothing. The same with Adria. I get that they are sidekicks, but Tenrof is the one doing most of the fighting so far. At least Adria killed a few anonymous dudes and Mark slew the eagle, but other than that they just serve as a foil to Tenrof.
At least Time made that badass entrance at the end. That was pretty cool. I just hope he doesn't get beaten up like Mark or Adria every time.
8/22/2014 c7 Tomoyuki Tanaka
Is there actually a plot for this story? If there is, I'm not following it very well. Is Tenrof supposed to gain the Wheels of Fate or something? So why do random people keep popping up and down?
And I laughed when you called Father Time a super-powered guy. The guy hasn't done anything to show that he is super-powered. And Tenrof just destroyed Death and Life so easily I'm beginning to wonder if there's even a point throwing all these guys at him. It's like, somebody shows up, he beats them, threatens them, either kills them or lets them go. I'm not even sure what's going on anymore, and what you define as super-powered.
And despite Tenrof's positive assessment of Mark, I have yet to see him actually display a true show of strength. It's all well that Tenrof rates him so highly and talks about his history, but I haven't seen Mark actually live up to that assessment. Maybe he will soon. Here's hoping.
On to the next chapter.
Is there actually a plot for this story? If there is, I'm not following it very well. Is Tenrof supposed to gain the Wheels of Fate or something? So why do random people keep popping up and down?
And I laughed when you called Father Time a super-powered guy. The guy hasn't done anything to show that he is super-powered. And Tenrof just destroyed Death and Life so easily I'm beginning to wonder if there's even a point throwing all these guys at him. It's like, somebody shows up, he beats them, threatens them, either kills them or lets them go. I'm not even sure what's going on anymore, and what you define as super-powered.
And despite Tenrof's positive assessment of Mark, I have yet to see him actually display a true show of strength. It's all well that Tenrof rates him so highly and talks about his history, but I haven't seen Mark actually live up to that assessment. Maybe he will soon. Here's hoping.
On to the next chapter.
8/22/2014 c6 Tomoyuki Tanaka
Um. X Class. Right. And there's even XX class. I'm starting to wonder what's the point of creating all these classes because your characters and villains are getting more and more powerful.
And Father Time doesn't have a face. Ha ha ha ha! Time he gets one! Joking.
Okay, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I have to say the Seven Sins were pointless. They way Tenrof crushed them so easily just made them...pointless. Well, we'll see if their attack or existence contributes to the plot somehow. Later, I mean. I wouldn't know. Right now Tenrof is just breezing through the story with absolutely nothing to threaten him, and it's a little...I dunno.
By the way, if you still haven't read the new addition to the epilogue, you can read it now. I've added a new cover image to it, with Gu Ryong featured in it. So let me know if I drew him correctly. I tried to draw him as closely as how you described him to be, but my drawing skills are terrible. Sorry about that. If you can't see the image in Fictionpress, just go to my blog, the Absolutezero-manga dot blogspot one.
Um. X Class. Right. And there's even XX class. I'm starting to wonder what's the point of creating all these classes because your characters and villains are getting more and more powerful.
And Father Time doesn't have a face. Ha ha ha ha! Time he gets one! Joking.
Okay, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I have to say the Seven Sins were pointless. They way Tenrof crushed them so easily just made them...pointless. Well, we'll see if their attack or existence contributes to the plot somehow. Later, I mean. I wouldn't know. Right now Tenrof is just breezing through the story with absolutely nothing to threaten him, and it's a little...I dunno.
By the way, if you still haven't read the new addition to the epilogue, you can read it now. I've added a new cover image to it, with Gu Ryong featured in it. So let me know if I drew him correctly. I tried to draw him as closely as how you described him to be, but my drawing skills are terrible. Sorry about that. If you can't see the image in Fictionpress, just go to my blog, the Absolutezero-manga dot blogspot one.
8/21/2014 c5 Tomoyuki Tanaka
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Achilles got disqualified for killing his own group?! What the hell?! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Okay, In know you made Adria and Mark strong with all these fancy titles and ranks, but I see no sign of them actually being strong. Seriously. All they do is get beaten, wait for Tenrof to save them and crush the bad guys who steamrolled them. I'm not sure if I'm convinced if they're strong. As it is now, the team's pretty imbalanced.
Then again, who cares? No one is reading it for Adria and Mark. We're all reading the story for the awesome and invincible Tenrof. Yay.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Achilles got disqualified for killing his own group?! What the hell?! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Okay, In know you made Adria and Mark strong with all these fancy titles and ranks, but I see no sign of them actually being strong. Seriously. All they do is get beaten, wait for Tenrof to save them and crush the bad guys who steamrolled them. I'm not sure if I'm convinced if they're strong. As it is now, the team's pretty imbalanced.
Then again, who cares? No one is reading it for Adria and Mark. We're all reading the story for the awesome and invincible Tenrof. Yay.
8/21/2014 c4 Tomoyuki Tanaka
Yes, this will be fun. I'm looking forward to it.
I'm just kind of confused over the random characters you're acting, like why Adria has a sudden change of heart all of a sudden, and the Virgin Mary chasing after Tenrof. Um, okay. I'll read on to see what happens next.
Yes, this will be fun. I'm looking forward to it.
I'm just kind of confused over the random characters you're acting, like why Adria has a sudden change of heart all of a sudden, and the Virgin Mary chasing after Tenrof. Um, okay. I'll read on to see what happens next.
8/21/2014 c3 Tomoyuki Tanaka
Short chapters are good. They are better than nothing. Though I've nothing to say except that you tend to exaggerate stuff a bit too much. Exploding sun? Destroy galaxies? A mind madder than a mad man? Make the Joker look sane? Make Hell seem like Paradise? Okay...use them too much and everything stops becoming as grand as you make them out to be because...well, everything is described so grandly.
I find it hilarious that Achilles has no Achilles' Heel, is completely invulnerable, and still gets his ass handed to him by Trevor. Right. Okay. We'll just go with that for now. Let's see Trevor go crush everyone including Heracles now.
By the way, I added new stuff to the end of the epilogue for Manga City, so if you're interested you can read it and let me know if the changes are good or bad. Thanks.
Short chapters are good. They are better than nothing. Though I've nothing to say except that you tend to exaggerate stuff a bit too much. Exploding sun? Destroy galaxies? A mind madder than a mad man? Make the Joker look sane? Make Hell seem like Paradise? Okay...use them too much and everything stops becoming as grand as you make them out to be because...well, everything is described so grandly.
I find it hilarious that Achilles has no Achilles' Heel, is completely invulnerable, and still gets his ass handed to him by Trevor. Right. Okay. We'll just go with that for now. Let's see Trevor go crush everyone including Heracles now.
By the way, I added new stuff to the end of the epilogue for Manga City, so if you're interested you can read it and let me know if the changes are good or bad. Thanks.
8/20/2014 c2 Tomoyuki Tanaka
This looks fun. Saving the universe is but a typical day for Tenrof Sacrilaron, huh. How awesome.
I just find it weird that a mad man has a mind that is madder. Isn't a mad man someone with a mad mind? What exactly is his mind madder than? His, um, body?
Other than, it was a fun chapter, filled with non-stop action (except the pointless 6 hours thing, ha ha) and epic moves. The guy is really overpowered, but I guess that's the point. He did destroy the universe after all.
I just find it hilarious the planet they are on is still intact and not destroyed despite suffering so many hits from Planet Cracker class blasts and their equivalents (exploding sun? Black Hell? Abyssmal Consumer?). That must be one tough planet they are on. Or they're just exaggerating the firepower.
I'll read the next chapter tomorrow.
This looks fun. Saving the universe is but a typical day for Tenrof Sacrilaron, huh. How awesome.
I just find it weird that a mad man has a mind that is madder. Isn't a mad man someone with a mad mind? What exactly is his mind madder than? His, um, body?
Other than, it was a fun chapter, filled with non-stop action (except the pointless 6 hours thing, ha ha) and epic moves. The guy is really overpowered, but I guess that's the point. He did destroy the universe after all.
I just find it hilarious the planet they are on is still intact and not destroyed despite suffering so many hits from Planet Cracker class blasts and their equivalents (exploding sun? Black Hell? Abyssmal Consumer?). That must be one tough planet they are on. Or they're just exaggerating the firepower.
I'll read the next chapter tomorrow.