for Oh, Father of Mine4/2/2016 c7 
1thejadem
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...tears
1thejademnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...tears
6/30/2014 c11 3A Round of Artificiality
Alright, so I'll be grumbling here. I think Arthur's a very interesting, complex character and I was wondering where his feelings for Neil would go when the story just went to hell this "last" chapter.
There are so many left open threads and lots of suspension of belief required to take this all in, so many missing commas and periods and much needed capitalization. I don't even know where to start. If you ever find yourself in a crazy mood one day, maybe you could do get the inspiration to edit this story that had a lot of potential.
For one, Niall and Wendall's ages aren't really clear. In the beginning, it was mentioned that Niall was born eight years after Arthur, and a year later, Wendall was born. If the story started with Arthur at 21, then that approximately puts Niall at 13 and Wendall at 12 (and they *are* in middle school). But then Wendall's some sort of man whore and Arthur once saw a girl buttoning her shirt up as she was leaving Wendall's room. Most kids at 12 think kissing is the by-all, end-all and never go past it until maybe high school. It made me keep imagining Wendall as a 15/16 year old. Then there's the fact that Abe became insta best-friends with Wendall when Wendall's supposedly just a kid. Plain weird.
Another thing is, there was no mention of Neil being a captain or whatever (and he was very around) until the last couple of chapters and now the character gets a convenient excuse for being MIA. Very out of left field.
Then there's the whole 'death' issue with Niall and everything that came with it. My brain was completely tickled with all the illogical details. First of all, how was Yeven able to fake Niall's death in the first place? Then what was the thing that they buried? Someone must have wanted to see his body, at least, and would have noticed that, y'know, there was no body. How did Yeven even know about it so soon as to cook this whole thing up? Didn't you portray him as someone who never cared about Niall and had ceased all kinds of contact between him and his son? Oh, and now we're supposed to buy that Yeven was Earnest's "colleague" and they all knew about it? And how did Isabella's two exes end up as colleagues anyway. How come months supposedly passed when it was only a few weeks on Arthur's end. Time relativity, maybe? Magic? Oh, and his dad actually has blonde hair instead of his dyed black? I see...that's interesting. How come Niall never even tried contacting his family if he missed them?
Yet another issue is how Wendall came to know about Arthur and Neil anyway. So Niall found out that day and then he supposedly "died", after which Neil and Arthur put on hold whatever it was between them. So it couldn't have been after. And, judging from his personality so far, Wendall would never stay quiet about it if he found out before the accident. So yeah, another gaping plot hole.
And don't get me starting on the whole "romance", whether it's with Neil or with Leo. Neil just ran away and everything's in stalemate until forever maybe, and now Leo's interested which is promising though Arthur is still hung up on Neil.
And Niall could potentially have some not so innocent thoughts about Arthur and Arthur is leaving for somewhere mysterious because he has to gettogetawaygoddamnit and we'll never know anything because you decided to end this story right here when it hasn't had a chance to even get up on its feet.
So maybe you could understand some of my frustration after reading this ridiculously long review. But I honestly wouldn't have bothered to even write this if I didn't care about the story. I'm not a frequent reviewer and I tend to just simply stop reading a story when it annoys my brain the way this one did. But I stuck through with OFM to the end and was truly disappointed at the payoff.
Anyway, I hope you still take this review in a positive way and consider the points I've mentioned if you ever decide to give poor Arthur his much-deserved happy ending.
3A Round of ArtificialityAlright, so I'll be grumbling here. I think Arthur's a very interesting, complex character and I was wondering where his feelings for Neil would go when the story just went to hell this "last" chapter.
There are so many left open threads and lots of suspension of belief required to take this all in, so many missing commas and periods and much needed capitalization. I don't even know where to start. If you ever find yourself in a crazy mood one day, maybe you could do get the inspiration to edit this story that had a lot of potential.
For one, Niall and Wendall's ages aren't really clear. In the beginning, it was mentioned that Niall was born eight years after Arthur, and a year later, Wendall was born. If the story started with Arthur at 21, then that approximately puts Niall at 13 and Wendall at 12 (and they *are* in middle school). But then Wendall's some sort of man whore and Arthur once saw a girl buttoning her shirt up as she was leaving Wendall's room. Most kids at 12 think kissing is the by-all, end-all and never go past it until maybe high school. It made me keep imagining Wendall as a 15/16 year old. Then there's the fact that Abe became insta best-friends with Wendall when Wendall's supposedly just a kid. Plain weird.
Another thing is, there was no mention of Neil being a captain or whatever (and he was very around) until the last couple of chapters and now the character gets a convenient excuse for being MIA. Very out of left field.
Then there's the whole 'death' issue with Niall and everything that came with it. My brain was completely tickled with all the illogical details. First of all, how was Yeven able to fake Niall's death in the first place? Then what was the thing that they buried? Someone must have wanted to see his body, at least, and would have noticed that, y'know, there was no body. How did Yeven even know about it so soon as to cook this whole thing up? Didn't you portray him as someone who never cared about Niall and had ceased all kinds of contact between him and his son? Oh, and now we're supposed to buy that Yeven was Earnest's "colleague" and they all knew about it? And how did Isabella's two exes end up as colleagues anyway. How come months supposedly passed when it was only a few weeks on Arthur's end. Time relativity, maybe? Magic? Oh, and his dad actually has blonde hair instead of his dyed black? I see...that's interesting. How come Niall never even tried contacting his family if he missed them?
Yet another issue is how Wendall came to know about Arthur and Neil anyway. So Niall found out that day and then he supposedly "died", after which Neil and Arthur put on hold whatever it was between them. So it couldn't have been after. And, judging from his personality so far, Wendall would never stay quiet about it if he found out before the accident. So yeah, another gaping plot hole.
And don't get me starting on the whole "romance", whether it's with Neil or with Leo. Neil just ran away and everything's in stalemate until forever maybe, and now Leo's interested which is promising though Arthur is still hung up on Neil.
And Niall could potentially have some not so innocent thoughts about Arthur and Arthur is leaving for somewhere mysterious because he has to gettogetawaygoddamnit and we'll never know anything because you decided to end this story right here when it hasn't had a chance to even get up on its feet.
So maybe you could understand some of my frustration after reading this ridiculously long review. But I honestly wouldn't have bothered to even write this if I didn't care about the story. I'm not a frequent reviewer and I tend to just simply stop reading a story when it annoys my brain the way this one did. But I stuck through with OFM to the end and was truly disappointed at the payoff.
Anyway, I hope you still take this review in a positive way and consider the points I've mentioned if you ever decide to give poor Arthur his much-deserved happy ending.
2/4/2014 c11 Guest
Oh god, your story is amazing. I absolutely love your writing style. The emotions your characters have invited me on a rollarcoaster ride. Still I actually read your story, "Love Spell" I think, can't recall. I read it a week or two ago and I ended up with tears. That was the last story I read on fictionpress until today. I was looking for a pick me up story and viola, I ended up reading "Oh, Father of Mine" which was full of angst as well. XP I enjoyed it a lot. My favorite character were Niall (because I could see myself in him when I use to be in middle school) and Arthur. Still, the ending was confusing and left a reader with more questions too. However, I was also confused when Niall declared his affection to Arthur. Was it romantically or platonically. I'm not sure, maybe I'm looking too deep in it. XD I would really like it if you put up a sequel. With a slightly happy ending. like I said love your story. So A double plus for you!
Oh god, your story is amazing. I absolutely love your writing style. The emotions your characters have invited me on a rollarcoaster ride. Still I actually read your story, "Love Spell" I think, can't recall. I read it a week or two ago and I ended up with tears. That was the last story I read on fictionpress until today. I was looking for a pick me up story and viola, I ended up reading "Oh, Father of Mine" which was full of angst as well. XP I enjoyed it a lot. My favorite character were Niall (because I could see myself in him when I use to be in middle school) and Arthur. Still, the ending was confusing and left a reader with more questions too. However, I was also confused when Niall declared his affection to Arthur. Was it romantically or platonically. I'm not sure, maybe I'm looking too deep in it. XD I would really like it if you put up a sequel. With a slightly happy ending. like I said love your story. So A double plus for you!
2/3/2014 c11 XXHotSparklesXX
Noooo! That's it? Please make a sequel of Leo and Arthur! I wanna know what happens between them!
Great story though! I loved it a lot! :)
Sequel :D
Noooo! That's it? Please make a sequel of Leo and Arthur! I wanna know what happens between them!
Great story though! I loved it a lot! :)
Sequel :D
2/3/2014 c11 Jester79
Is there going to be anything more with Arthur? I just hate that even though he initiated the kiss with Neil - he's kind of out in limbo. Unless this is how you planned on ending his story, it just feels a little unfinished. I would like to see more of Yeven & Earnest.
Is there going to be anything more with Arthur? I just hate that even though he initiated the kiss with Neil - he's kind of out in limbo. Unless this is how you planned on ending his story, it just feels a little unfinished. I would like to see more of Yeven & Earnest.
1/19/2014 c10 4janichan143
Niall, beacuse his dad is capabke of something like a sick joke faking his sons death. Niell, because he is either sent by yeven to ruin their life and he is his lover, or he confessed to yeven beat him up and brought him to scare arthur. Or ben, because he wasn't at home.
4janichan143Niall, beacuse his dad is capabke of something like a sick joke faking his sons death. Niell, because he is either sent by yeven to ruin their life and he is his lover, or he confessed to yeven beat him up and brought him to scare arthur. Or ben, because he wasn't at home.
12/22/2013 c8 Jester79
That was awful. I didn't really think he was going to die. So much stuff going on. I'm curious to know if Isabella will get back with Earnest even though she is with Neil.
That was awful. I didn't really think he was going to die. So much stuff going on. I'm curious to know if Isabella will get back with Earnest even though she is with Neil.
12/9/2013 c7 Jester79
I do like the different pov - giving a little insight into Niall. But a very heart-wrenching scene - so don't want anything life-threatening to happen to him - seems to be finally coming out of his shell and I know how devastated Arthur is going to feel when he finds out, as well as Neil.
I do like the different pov - giving a little insight into Niall. But a very heart-wrenching scene - so don't want anything life-threatening to happen to him - seems to be finally coming out of his shell and I know how devastated Arthur is going to feel when he finds out, as well as Neil.