for Boys Bantam: How I Found a Girl at my All-Boys Summer Camp1/31/2015 c16 
1Jmin.A
I'm sorry to say this but I am extremely confused as to each character's identity. Could you clarify it a bit? Is Tad a girl or no? So confused..
1Jmin.AI'm sorry to say this but I am extremely confused as to each character's identity. Could you clarify it a bit? Is Tad a girl or no? So confused..
1/31/2015 c1 Jmin.A
Quite an interesting chapter! Honestly, I don't agree with discrimination based on gender.. Just saying (: I can totally relate with being the only/one of the few girls at school. It may suck at times to be that girl because well.. A lot of boys have such dirty minds and always judge because I'm a girl. Thank you for reviewing my story! Lately, I've been having a huge writer's block.. Anyhow, I loved this chapter and I will continue to read on. Hopefully, I'll be able to provide a detail review in the next chapters to come. (:
Quite an interesting chapter! Honestly, I don't agree with discrimination based on gender.. Just saying (: I can totally relate with being the only/one of the few girls at school. It may suck at times to be that girl because well.. A lot of boys have such dirty minds and always judge because I'm a girl. Thank you for reviewing my story! Lately, I've been having a huge writer's block.. Anyhow, I loved this chapter and I will continue to read on. Hopefully, I'll be able to provide a detail review in the next chapters to come. (:
1/25/2015 c16 Zane Night
Last two lines. My Reaction:
"Huh, so not much different from the first version with Tad fallli-ing,"I pause, "Wait. There's a typo here. Twice even. How can the author mix up Kiwi for Tad? Wait, wouldn't the author have noticed, the ending of a chapter is pretty important. Hmm...[processing]...!?
WHAT!? KIWI IS G-asjkdlkfalscdhajkhajshdxjaklsdfjkal!?
I REALLY enjoyed this chapter's suspense and finish.
But wait, something doesn't add up. Does this mean that Kiwi Strawberry?
If that is true then I don't understand. It doesn't seem to fit the plot line as Strawberry is the person being bullied by her cousin, not the bully. I will tell you that you outdone yourself with this chapter *APPLAUSE* but now... I feel like I need to re-read the entire 16 chapters to clear my misunderstandings between Kiwi and Tad.
Also, this development has raised a few questions of my own. Why did the newspaper article that Kiwi posessed earlier mention both Kiwi and Tad as both being males? If Tad is honestly male in this alternate universe I can understand. However, how come the newspaper fudged Kiwi's sex?
I also don't understand how Kiwi has been able to hide his sex this entire time (I mean with the swimming Tuesday morning scenes Tad wore a two piece. If he is male then what was his purpose for that? Unless, he was trying to hide his MARK...?) Haha! You outdone yourself I am literally confused / curious to no end!
With this new development. I can't say I still don't hold a grudge towards Kiwi for what 'she' has done to Tad but I will give 'her' another chance to redeem 'herself' as a human being. My interest in Tad as a character has fallen quite a bit in the last few chapters. Tad just doesn't seem that interesting. Tad always feels helpess and hasn't really demonstrated enough character development for me. I know there have been moments but it just doesn't amount to a significant difference right now. AND SURPRISINGLY, beginning with Nick's and Kiwi's conversations during the Psych Activity really had me start liking Kiwi subconsciously.
Another thing. If Kiwi is female. Why did Kiwi attend an all boys camp to begin with? What was 'her' purpose? Is Kiwi's identification written as 'male' and the godparents seem not to pay attention to detail so I can see Kiwi being able to fool them but...
This is all so confusing, haha. Plus, wouldn't the canoe tipping part or Ed throwing Kiwi fully clothed into the lake (wet clothes see through) of the story reveal that Kiwi was a girl? Or the comunal showers at cabin 13? I'm not saying I am against this development. I am really supporting it!
I just want to fill in any plot holes that may lie around XD or they are just figments of my imagination. Lately, I think Kiwi is more interesting than Tad. Kiwi shows SO much more to readers than Tad does. Kiwi takes action. Kiwi Version 2.0 is a go!
Now for the ships... original story had Nick X Tad. Which was what I expected in this version as well. HOWEVER, with Ch 13. The tables have turned! Now, we are looking at Nick x Kiwi. Possibly Tad being a third wheel making this a love triangle fighting over Nick. On the sidelines there is Dan X Brittany (Still, I feel that I would enjoy the story more with Brittany's absence. She is a capital B.)
I'm looking forward to the continuation of Boys' Bantam. I can't wait to see how the Nick x Kiwi development progresses. I'll favorite this to check back in once you release another chapter.
Best regards,
Zane Night
Last two lines. My Reaction:
"Huh, so not much different from the first version with Tad fallli-ing,"I pause, "Wait. There's a typo here. Twice even. How can the author mix up Kiwi for Tad? Wait, wouldn't the author have noticed, the ending of a chapter is pretty important. Hmm...[processing]...!?
WHAT!? KIWI IS G-asjkdlkfalscdhajkhajshdxjaklsdfjkal!?
I REALLY enjoyed this chapter's suspense and finish.
But wait, something doesn't add up. Does this mean that Kiwi Strawberry?
If that is true then I don't understand. It doesn't seem to fit the plot line as Strawberry is the person being bullied by her cousin, not the bully. I will tell you that you outdone yourself with this chapter *APPLAUSE* but now... I feel like I need to re-read the entire 16 chapters to clear my misunderstandings between Kiwi and Tad.
Also, this development has raised a few questions of my own. Why did the newspaper article that Kiwi posessed earlier mention both Kiwi and Tad as both being males? If Tad is honestly male in this alternate universe I can understand. However, how come the newspaper fudged Kiwi's sex?
I also don't understand how Kiwi has been able to hide his sex this entire time (I mean with the swimming Tuesday morning scenes Tad wore a two piece. If he is male then what was his purpose for that? Unless, he was trying to hide his MARK...?) Haha! You outdone yourself I am literally confused / curious to no end!
With this new development. I can't say I still don't hold a grudge towards Kiwi for what 'she' has done to Tad but I will give 'her' another chance to redeem 'herself' as a human being. My interest in Tad as a character has fallen quite a bit in the last few chapters. Tad just doesn't seem that interesting. Tad always feels helpess and hasn't really demonstrated enough character development for me. I know there have been moments but it just doesn't amount to a significant difference right now. AND SURPRISINGLY, beginning with Nick's and Kiwi's conversations during the Psych Activity really had me start liking Kiwi subconsciously.
Another thing. If Kiwi is female. Why did Kiwi attend an all boys camp to begin with? What was 'her' purpose? Is Kiwi's identification written as 'male' and the godparents seem not to pay attention to detail so I can see Kiwi being able to fool them but...
This is all so confusing, haha. Plus, wouldn't the canoe tipping part or Ed throwing Kiwi fully clothed into the lake (wet clothes see through) of the story reveal that Kiwi was a girl? Or the comunal showers at cabin 13? I'm not saying I am against this development. I am really supporting it!
I just want to fill in any plot holes that may lie around XD or they are just figments of my imagination. Lately, I think Kiwi is more interesting than Tad. Kiwi shows SO much more to readers than Tad does. Kiwi takes action. Kiwi Version 2.0 is a go!
Now for the ships... original story had Nick X Tad. Which was what I expected in this version as well. HOWEVER, with Ch 13. The tables have turned! Now, we are looking at Nick x Kiwi. Possibly Tad being a third wheel making this a love triangle fighting over Nick. On the sidelines there is Dan X Brittany (Still, I feel that I would enjoy the story more with Brittany's absence. She is a capital B.)
I'm looking forward to the continuation of Boys' Bantam. I can't wait to see how the Nick x Kiwi development progresses. I'll favorite this to check back in once you release another chapter.
Best regards,
Zane Night
1/24/2015 c10 Zane Night
Wow, I honestly didn't expect Dan to be the captain steering the SS NickxTad ship!? XD
I would have said it would be out of character of him but I still don't have a full picture of how Dan should act in the first place in sense of character haha.
Interesting, I like how Dan doesn't mind same sex relationships (Not that it is in this case but that is what the assumption is at this point in the story from Dan's POV). It can be hard to find true friends like that sometimes, understanding ones! (Reality is harsh indeed).
I wonder if Dan had previous reason to think Nick was Bisexual or maybe they don't really know each other as well as they thought they did.
Like the chapter!
Zane Night
Wow, I honestly didn't expect Dan to be the captain steering the SS NickxTad ship!? XD
I would have said it would be out of character of him but I still don't have a full picture of how Dan should act in the first place in sense of character haha.
Interesting, I like how Dan doesn't mind same sex relationships (Not that it is in this case but that is what the assumption is at this point in the story from Dan's POV). It can be hard to find true friends like that sometimes, understanding ones! (Reality is harsh indeed).
I wonder if Dan had previous reason to think Nick was Bisexual or maybe they don't really know each other as well as they thought they did.
Like the chapter!
Zane Night
1/24/2015 c9 Zane Night
Fav char: Nick (hilarious and true to his self)
Least char: IT! (Kiwi)
Ship: Nick x Tad
Best of chapter moment: "Before I could formulate a new plan to murder Kiwi..." XD YES!
Worst of this chapter: hmm... No complaints
Keep it up!
Zane Night
Fav char: Nick (hilarious and true to his self)
Least char: IT! (Kiwi)
Ship: Nick x Tad
Best of chapter moment: "Before I could formulate a new plan to murder Kiwi..." XD YES!
Worst of this chapter: hmm... No complaints
Keep it up!
Zane Night
1/24/2015 c5 Zane Night
Yells: ! KIIIIIII WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
I remember why I hate you so much!
Kiwi is no man, he shall forever be refered to as It. (Until I find a more demeaning name for IT.)
Great chapter. Grossed out by the rape scene but... to be expected.
Keep up the good work!
P.S. Aren't knives not allowed at camps? Considering they can be used as weapons? (I never attended a summer camp so idk protocols on sharp objects). Just curious
Sincerely,
Zane Night
Yells: ! KIIIIIII WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
I remember why I hate you so much!
Kiwi is no man, he shall forever be refered to as It. (Until I find a more demeaning name for IT.)
Great chapter. Grossed out by the rape scene but... to be expected.
Keep up the good work!
P.S. Aren't knives not allowed at camps? Considering they can be used as weapons? (I never attended a summer camp so idk protocols on sharp objects). Just curious
Sincerely,
Zane Night
1/24/2015 c4 Zane Night
I really enjoyed how this chapter played out. Well executed!
The characters are consistent. Kiwi was a pain throughout but he felt more like a real person in this chapter for some reason. What I don't get is Tad... Tad's behavior is getting stranger and stranger. In the sense of hostility towards MC. Also, I never quite understood the hold that Kiwi has over Tad. Is Kiwi threatening Tad? (it's been too long since I've read). What is making Tad listen to Kiwi, AT ALL? They both mutually hate each other yet, Kiwi forces Tad to follow him. It's just strange haha. But then... there are strange people out there too...
I like Nick is being fleshed out in this new version. He has more depth than before (the Advice blog and his counciling goals).
Keep it up!
Sincerely,
Zane Night
I really enjoyed how this chapter played out. Well executed!
The characters are consistent. Kiwi was a pain throughout but he felt more like a real person in this chapter for some reason. What I don't get is Tad... Tad's behavior is getting stranger and stranger. In the sense of hostility towards MC. Also, I never quite understood the hold that Kiwi has over Tad. Is Kiwi threatening Tad? (it's been too long since I've read). What is making Tad listen to Kiwi, AT ALL? They both mutually hate each other yet, Kiwi forces Tad to follow him. It's just strange haha. But then... there are strange people out there too...
I like Nick is being fleshed out in this new version. He has more depth than before (the Advice blog and his counciling goals).
Keep it up!
Sincerely,
Zane Night
1/24/2015 c3 Zane Night
I'm really glad that you begin explaining the "Fantasy/SF" element early in the story rather than later as you did in your first version. Fleshing this out takes time and doing that later in the story can make it quite a lot to take in for readers. Mystery is good, even if it doesn't make sense right now. It will soon enough. You are going in the right dirrection! I feel it! Keep at it! :)
POV switch was just fine. No problem.
Advice blog: LIKE
Characters: Do as you like, but make them memorable if they become important.
MC Nick: I like him, alot. He reminds me of myself back then. I'm surprised you would ask? Arre readers not liking Nick? I don't see for any reason for readers to dislike Nick. He's great!
Best regards,
Zane Night
I'm really glad that you begin explaining the "Fantasy/SF" element early in the story rather than later as you did in your first version. Fleshing this out takes time and doing that later in the story can make it quite a lot to take in for readers. Mystery is good, even if it doesn't make sense right now. It will soon enough. You are going in the right dirrection! I feel it! Keep at it! :)
POV switch was just fine. No problem.
Advice blog: LIKE
Characters: Do as you like, but make them memorable if they become important.
MC Nick: I like him, alot. He reminds me of myself back then. I'm surprised you would ask? Arre readers not liking Nick? I don't see for any reason for readers to dislike Nick. He's great!
Best regards,
Zane Night
1/24/2015 c2 Zane Night
Hey again,
Great stuff you have here! I'll just throw in a few thoughts.
About Ed: I don't know much about drill sergents but... I don't think he would have ear rings.. at all, really. I don't like military stuff personally so I can't say I like him but other than his looks he does fill out his role rather well.
I'll leave my hate for Kiwi alone for now. Justice will be served! As for this chapter, I think Kiwi is portrayed as he should, pure evil that is. Anyways, I was rather shocked that Tad would defend Kiwi... just strikes me strange that would happen. Considering Tad's character at this moment is on the shy side. Oh, before I forget. Did Tad have some kind of disability in the 1st version? It has been too long since I last read. I am thinking that is a new development for this new version.
P.S. One minor plot hole: Wasn't the MC retreiving a basketball that is in play? I was expecting Riley to show up asking what was taking MC so long to retreive the basketball. Interupting MC's and Kiwi's exchange. It just seems strange to me that the MC would not return to the basketball game with the ball.
I believe the pacing is good. My hatred for Kiwi will never stop though XD
Keep up the great writing!
Sincerely,
Zane Night
Hey again,
Great stuff you have here! I'll just throw in a few thoughts.
About Ed: I don't know much about drill sergents but... I don't think he would have ear rings.. at all, really. I don't like military stuff personally so I can't say I like him but other than his looks he does fill out his role rather well.
I'll leave my hate for Kiwi alone for now. Justice will be served! As for this chapter, I think Kiwi is portrayed as he should, pure evil that is. Anyways, I was rather shocked that Tad would defend Kiwi... just strikes me strange that would happen. Considering Tad's character at this moment is on the shy side. Oh, before I forget. Did Tad have some kind of disability in the 1st version? It has been too long since I last read. I am thinking that is a new development for this new version.
P.S. One minor plot hole: Wasn't the MC retreiving a basketball that is in play? I was expecting Riley to show up asking what was taking MC so long to retreive the basketball. Interupting MC's and Kiwi's exchange. It just seems strange to me that the MC would not return to the basketball game with the ball.
I believe the pacing is good. My hatred for Kiwi will never stop though XD
Keep up the great writing!
Sincerely,
Zane Night
1/24/2015 c1 Zane Night
Not a review but a thank you.
I just felt like re-reading Boys Bantam when...
I noticed your note on your revision and I LOVE IT!
Wow, I am loving this development.
Especially the advice blog part. I actually met some pretty great people because they found my travel blog online and we met up during my study abroad.
P.S. You are amazing at writing, let no one tell you otherwise. Unless they mean you are AMAZING!
I hope you continue writing whether it be for fun or professionally,
Wish you a great 2015!
Sincerely,
Zane Night
Not a review but a thank you.
I just felt like re-reading Boys Bantam when...
I noticed your note on your revision and I LOVE IT!
Wow, I am loving this development.
Especially the advice blog part. I actually met some pretty great people because they found my travel blog online and we met up during my study abroad.
P.S. You are amazing at writing, let no one tell you otherwise. Unless they mean you are AMAZING!
I hope you continue writing whether it be for fun or professionally,
Wish you a great 2015!
Sincerely,
Zane Night
1/1/2015 c1 2Unconsciousness
It's a nice story so far, and it definitely exceeded my expectations even though I only finished the first chapter. :)
I don't know what to say as far as pointers would go. I mean, it's pretty solid so far. I like the way you describe the scene. It's very easy for me to visualize what's going on. I like it c:
2UnconsciousnessIt's a nice story so far, and it definitely exceeded my expectations even though I only finished the first chapter. :)
I don't know what to say as far as pointers would go. I mean, it's pretty solid so far. I like the way you describe the scene. It's very easy for me to visualize what's going on. I like it c:
12/16/2014 c7 1TheTigress
I still feel Nick's and Tad's relationship isn't normal. Tad put her cheek on Nick's shoulder and he didn't seem to think that was strange at all... I mean in my opinion she acts pretty girly.
The point of view didn't lose me. However Tad's p.o.v. was very confusing this time. I would have liked a little bit more detail. Not plot detail, but sensory detail. It all seemed to just kind of happen too fast, and I didn't really feel anything.
Oooh Nick's gf shows up. I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time liking Nick. He seems to be pretty cocky and now we come to find that his girlfriend is a "slut" so to speak... he just seems pretty shallow to me. And dumb because he STILL hasn't figured out that Tad is a girl.
I mean I still want to read the story though, because at this point the plot is still good and I do want to know the end.
1TheTigressI still feel Nick's and Tad's relationship isn't normal. Tad put her cheek on Nick's shoulder and he didn't seem to think that was strange at all... I mean in my opinion she acts pretty girly.
The point of view didn't lose me. However Tad's p.o.v. was very confusing this time. I would have liked a little bit more detail. Not plot detail, but sensory detail. It all seemed to just kind of happen too fast, and I didn't really feel anything.
Oooh Nick's gf shows up. I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time liking Nick. He seems to be pretty cocky and now we come to find that his girlfriend is a "slut" so to speak... he just seems pretty shallow to me. And dumb because he STILL hasn't figured out that Tad is a girl.
I mean I still want to read the story though, because at this point the plot is still good and I do want to know the end.
12/16/2014 c6 TheTigress
The darkness in the story is actually fine. It adds a whole other dimension to the story, again one that I wasn't expecting. Once again though I still feel like Nick's reactions to Tad are just off. I mean... a straight guy doesn't put his arm around another guy's shoulders and let him rest his head on his shoulder. Even if they're best friends. I've just never seen that, so it really bothers me. AGAIN I understand Tad is a girl so her reactions to Nick are normal... but Nick doesn't find this strange at all? Lol. I feel like a normal person would have asked Tad if he was gay, just like he asked about Kiwi being bi. If Nick wasn't so touchy with Tad I feel like the story would be more believable, but that's my only big pet-peeve with all of this. Also, now that we know Tad has strange powers I feel like we need to get to her point of view a lot more, almost as much as we see Nick's point of view.
This might be sad but... I still like Kiwi...
The darkness in the story is actually fine. It adds a whole other dimension to the story, again one that I wasn't expecting. Once again though I still feel like Nick's reactions to Tad are just off. I mean... a straight guy doesn't put his arm around another guy's shoulders and let him rest his head on his shoulder. Even if they're best friends. I've just never seen that, so it really bothers me. AGAIN I understand Tad is a girl so her reactions to Nick are normal... but Nick doesn't find this strange at all? Lol. I feel like a normal person would have asked Tad if he was gay, just like he asked about Kiwi being bi. If Nick wasn't so touchy with Tad I feel like the story would be more believable, but that's my only big pet-peeve with all of this. Also, now that we know Tad has strange powers I feel like we need to get to her point of view a lot more, almost as much as we see Nick's point of view.
This might be sad but... I still like Kiwi...
12/16/2014 c5 TheTigress
This chapter was much better because it wasn't as long and got to the point. :)
Oh.. my... goodness... WHAT THE HECK KIWI?! THAT'S YOUR COUSIN!
I really have no other words other than that. This was a good chapter... I still think Nick is kind of "gay" for being so interested in Tad (of course he's not because Tad is a girl but still he doesn't know that). It just bothers me that he hasn't figured it out yet. :D
Ew Kiwi... just ew...
This chapter was much better because it wasn't as long and got to the point. :)
Oh.. my... goodness... WHAT THE HECK KIWI?! THAT'S YOUR COUSIN!
I really have no other words other than that. This was a good chapter... I still think Nick is kind of "gay" for being so interested in Tad (of course he's not because Tad is a girl but still he doesn't know that). It just bothers me that he hasn't figured it out yet. :D
Ew Kiwi... just ew...