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for Boys Bantam: How I Found a Girl at my All-Boys Summer Camp

1/4/2016 c26 ravenlover101
I like were your going with the story. Thanks
12/29/2015 c26 6Angel Princess 31
Good chapter! Sorry it has taken so long for me to read the update! Been kinda busy :/
Update soon, okay?! :)

-Angel Princess 31
12/29/2015 c26 11Myst Marshall
I did it! I finished all 26 chapters in a span of one day!

Alright now that I'm finished...I'm going to give you some criticism(I truly hope you don't get offended by it). But here we go!

The main thing you lack, in my opinion, is consistency. Other than the inconsistent POV changes, you're characters don't seem to have a definite trait that describes them if you know what I mean. For example, with Kiwi, she describes herself as an introvert. In the beginning chapters, it seemed that she mainly kept to herself, but in that chapter about the Phychology part, she just started conversing with Nick and laughing along with him like they had been friends forever. That's a huge change without any development in between.

As for Nick, I personally feel like he acts too immature for a fifteen year old. Maybe it's just me, but that's how he comes off to me as. It's not all the time, but there are certain moments I wonder to myself if he really is fifteen.

And writing in first person POV, I would recommend, using the word "you." I caught a few instances where you would just start saying stuff like, "You know?" as if Nick was talking to the readers. The point is that he narrating the story and not actually conversing with the audience. Therefore, I would stray away from the "you" in the future.

The whole fantasy aspect of the story is still kind of confusing to me so I hope you will elaborate on that in the future chapters.

You have a lot of characters that I don't really keep up with. Even though that some of them are main characters, I would give them at least one trait that makes them jump off the page rather than just letting them blend into the background. For example, you did a a gastric job of that with Skylar, his bubbly personality makes him memorable. As for the other characters, Jeff, Kenny, etc there's nothing memorable about them. Except that Kenny got put in the hospital of course.

And Nex. Why the sudden change of heart for him? He tormented Nick during school so why does he suddenly partner up with him and act like they were buddies on a mission? That confuses me. I figured he would ignore Nick or continue to be hostile towards him.

And you don't need to capitalize certain parts of a word to emphasize it. Use italics instead, it is more grammatically correct.

Uhm, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Sorry if there's any mistakes, I haven't gone back to read this review. I hope this helps with your next revisions.

And a word of advice, don't quit writing because you think no one is reading your story. I understand that it seems disappointing when you get no response from readers. I get disappointed too when I wake up and there is no email informing me that I have another review. Write because it's your passion, not because there are people reading it. So I hope that you will post the next chapter, regardless if you get those five reviews. Don't let the lack of response be in control of whether you write or not.

This is gonna go on my follows list. I sincerely hope that I hear from you soon. With a new chapter, most preferably. :)

Thanks for the read and always keep writing no matter what!

-MM
12/29/2015 c16 Myst Marshall
Haha man I was wrong. Kiwi's the girl huh. Well I guess it makes sense cause she's going by both fruit names. But it seems kind of weird to me that she was so hostile at the beginning and now she is a bit nicer to Nick. So that makes Tad the cousin and the liar. Hmm, what does Tad what with Nick.

Things are beginning to build up now. Hopefully I'll be able to finish before the day is over.

-MM
12/29/2015 c10 Myst Marshall
Ugh what's the point of him being with Brittany anyways? There's nothing about her that is attracting at all. She seems bipolar, a complete flirt, and over dramatic. Nick should pick better girlfriend!

At this point I'm still kind of confused about the fantasy part of the story. Guess I'll just have to read to find out.

-MM
12/29/2015 c3 Myst Marshall
To be honest, it makes it much more clear when you put the name of the person before the story proceeds. But usually, when you switch POVs, it's not a good idea to switch randomly. Try to keep it consistent, like one chapter of Nick, one of Tad. That way it doesn't confuse the readers as much.

Sorry about all these reviewers, I must be spamming your email haha! Gonna keep reading now.

-MM
12/29/2015 c2 Myst Marshall
Ahhhh! So Tad is the girl and Kiwi is the cousin! Hehe. Glad they finally met. Onwards.

-MM
12/29/2015 c1 Myst Marshall
Whew. Finally got a chance to start Cabin 13 today. Been a while since I told you I would read it, but I kept my promise! :)

The first chapter seems kind of neutral, but it was a great opening to set up the setting and situation. Hmm, can't wait to see who the girl is going to be at the camp. Maybe the boy slouched over? Or Skylar? Seems a bit too much of an extrovert to be her though.

Well onwards with my reading!

-MM
12/19/2015 c26 Guest
Cool
12/18/2015 c26 BellaLoveNutella
*hypnotically* you will update. You will update
*wooooo scary ghost noises*
This chapter was so awesome and I like how nicks a wimpy nerd :D
12/14/2015 c26 Totes
NICE!
12/1/2015 c25 5Tears of Pitch
oooooh yeeeeaaaah. I wanna see some cousinsy action here ;) my pervyness has been unleashed with this... delectable chapter. Amazing as usual! Please continue!
The "faithful" reviewer,
MOI
11/29/2015 c1 Gamer070605
I thought this story was great! I thought it ended weirdly but otherwise it was fantastic!
11/29/2015 c25 will
I want to read more of this story
11/25/2015 c25 6Angel Princess 31
NOOOO! I'm getting a glitch! :'( :'( This was such a cool story so far! Can you let me know what happens so I can move on to the next chapter? Thanks so much! I think this story is really cool! :) (Or is there some other way I can read the chapter? Thanks!)
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