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7/15/2014 c25 9faerie-gumdrops
Hi! Sorry I've been a while (as per usual, ugh *awful organisation skills*).

Haha so I quite love Portia's mum. At the start with Portia getting all her satisfaction from reminding herself that mum was on the futon tonight, I was imagining some fussy old battleaxe, but she turned out to be a lot more fun than that. I like how Nick's awkward introduction seemed to actually help her like him, and how open her and Portia were about sex and stuff :)

The food phobia thing is pretty cool, giving nick another quirk and giving us another thing to love about him. I think I know someone with it too, just never knew it had a name :). That is a /long/ story to tell by text though. Poor Nick's thumbs!

I think my only cc would be that Portia's joke about knowing who killed saud seemed a little insensitive? Like I was surprised nick wasn't upset? Also the conversation with mother in the restaurant was fun, but could probably be a little shorter, without losing character development?

Can't wait to meet Nick's PUs! :)
6/10/2014 c18 5Dr. Self Destruct
I noticed that Alice's answer of what she was doing with Uncle Gerry changed between her and Nick's first conversation, to the one near the end of the chapter. First she says she was doing homework, and then the story changes to them watching a movie and stuff when Nick asks Gerry what they did that night. I wonder if Nick is going to think about that in his next POV chapter or if he'll bring that up in the future, because I think it's something - being the chief of police - that he should notice.

I don't think it's something he'd necessarily bring up here, though, because it might have created a negative atmosphere considering what it would have implied, since he already made it obvious he thinks it's strange that Alice stayed the night with her uncle. So I'm wondering if he might pull her aside later on and ask her why her answer was inconsistent. I don't think Nick would think *she* killed Saud, but I think he'd be more suspicious of Gerard...like maybe Gerard asked her to lie for him as an alibi. I know they were really having sex, but I'd hope that's not Nick's immediate suspicion when hearing a niece spent the night with her uncle. xD

I think the setting could use a little more development near the end of the chapter. It starts to get to the point where it's nothing but conversation and minor action tags, so the dialogue eventually creates an atmosphere of only voices instead of visual cues. But everything up until the end is really fleshed out and easy to picture; I think that's one thing you do really well, provide just enough detail to where it doesn't feel like too much, but also not too little. It's a really great balance for YA (and NA) exposition, plus you always provide just the right amount of character thoughts in there. I think where it starts to get a little too sparse is when they ask where Nick's uniform is, up until the end. I don't think you need a whole lot, just a couple more details here and there. Like what the kitchen looks like, where they're eating, their positioning around the table, maybe how big the table is (you could show that by having people bump elbows or something if it's a small table). It might also be interesting to tell us if the kitchen is really nice, because it'll also develop Alice's character in that we learn this is the type of setting she grew up in. I know they're wealthy, but I'm curious as to how wealthy. Modestly wealthy? Or are they loooooooooaded, you know? Kinda house you'd see on Mtv's Cribs LOL.

The dialogue is always really natural. I said this to Fang (VelvetyCheerio) the other day about her own WIP, and I think you have the same strength: you're really good at keeping multiple characters involved in a conversation without making me feel overwhelmed. Usually when I end up with more than 3 people in a room I start to panic, which is why you'll usually never see me write more than that LOL. But here you have Alice, Nick, Gerard, Alice's father, and Samuels. And I never got confused about who is who, or who is saying what, because you do a great job keeping all that very clean and clear. Oh yeah, and you have Alice's mother (although Maggie doesn't make that big of an appearance). So overall the scene itself feels very complete and alive with all the people included in it. I that that's probably why the setting gets a little neglected later on - because you have to keep tabs on so many characters too. But I think by working some body language into the setting itself (like the bumping elbows I suggested) you can easily slip some more setting in there. :)

I'm starting to wonder what everyone would do and say if they found out about Alice/Gerard. Also wondering if it'll get out before this novel is over. You teased me a lot with Nick thinking Alice staying over is suspicious, because for a moment I thought he might've uncovered something if he kept digging. xD A good teasing, of course. I got really nervous for Alice. Because while I do want someone to find out so they can kick Gerard's ass, at the same time I don't want her to have to deal with the resulting teasing and stuff that Luke has to deal with. That's fun for no one.

Let me know if you have any other questions!
6/9/2014 c24 9faerie-gumdrops
Omg omg omg look at your new story! *excited*. Are they independent or will reading that one spoil this one? Cos if it won't I could totally read both at the same time - like read as you update (as I am apparently terrible at catching up with things)? Probably a silly question though - this is a mystery, so spoilers abound, right?

Haha I actually like these relationship chapters a lot, because they're really engaging. Alice and Gerry's relationship in particular, because it's so unusual and I'm always sort of half expecting the curtain to fall on Alice that no, what's happening with them isn't right. Love Alice and Luke too, just cos they're so bloody cute :)

Gerry's wariness about nicky being around are really interesting, particularly in the context of the murder investigation. Like on one hand, yeah he's screwing his niece so of course he's not going to like nicks presence, or gossip. But you still gotta wonder if there's something darker there.

Also NICK a STONER. lol not like he does that anymore *shifteyes*.

Also another thing about gerry - I like how he does genuinely seem to like Alice and care for her. There's a lot more going on than just simple pervy uncle syndrome, which is really awesome :).

Really like this, as ever (and again uuuber excited that you have a sequel out :D)
6/2/2014 c1 1Everfew
I have trouble understanding the second paragraph, starting with the moment where it says 'Becca's jeers'. Did you make a mistake somewhere, or have I misunderstood something?
5/31/2014 c35 5Whirlymerle
Hey there!

First off, congrats on finishing another amazing project!

So I was actually reading this story in spurts as you’ve been updating, and now that you’re done, I thought I’d leave you some of my thoughts, seeing as I’ve yet to review the end of one of your stories. :)

Overall, I just thought this was wrapped up incredibly well. Nick and Portia made for an incredibly cute couple, but I thought (and very much liked) that the romance didn’t overpower the mystery plot. You’d asked about the sex scene. I thought it was really sweet. Relative to the rest of the story, I thought the writing was noticeably more metaphorical, and while that demonstrated Nick’s excitement, the style change was a bit abrupt (nothing wrong with that per se, it was just something I noticed).

Nick’s eating disorder- very, very interesting. And I like how that’s what the story ends on. He solves this mystery, but he’s still got his personal battles to fight and I like how that makes it clear that his story isn’t over. He has a life after this (and I notice, another novel).

On the reveal of Gerard as the murderer- maybe other people are of different minds, but for me, the moment we saw him having sex with Alice, I started seeing him as a bad guy, and while I didn’t suspect that he was going to be the murderer, it was nice to see him get his just desserts. At the same time, not gonna lie, I was kind of hoping that it’s not going to be so neat in the sense that the child groomer ends up being a killer as well and after that it’s pretty easy for Alice to see where she went wrong, but haha, I guess I don’t really know what I want.

I was definitely interested when the characters shared their past stories. I don’t quite remember, because I read the chapters it a while ago, but was there any hesitancy in any of the characters to share? I think, there are degrees of comfort to which people would be willing to talk about their pasts, even in a group setting, and that would be interesting to see (just a point I wanted to bring up, I just haven’t read the chapter recently enough to remember if that happened).

I thought the climax was wonderfully done. Which brings us to the end, which I’ve mentioned about in the beginning of this review. Also, Nick only has one kidney?! My respect for this man totally just went up.

I think my read of your novel has been a little too disjointed to answer some of your final questions. I will say that my favorite character is definitely Nick- he’s just super dynamic. I don’t really have a least favorite. They were all fairly pleasant (okay, except Gerard). Best aspect of the novel- there are lots. Off the top of my head, I’d say that your dialogue is incredibly sharp. I’m a huge fan.

Anyway, congrats again on a brilliant story! :D
5/27/2014 c17 5Dr. Self Destruct
Hey there! So I'll go ahead and answer your author's note questions first and then talk about anything else on my mind if I don't already cover it. :)

1.) [What do you think about Nick's reaction?] This is actually my favorite part of this chapter. The entire first third of it, when Nick is still in his car, is just really well handled. I think you cover both the physical and mental feelings really well, and you describe them in such vivid detail that I really started to get sick myself. I don't know what it is about vomit...I'm fine with blood and guts and torture, but vomit just fucks with me. I also haven't thrown up since I was fifteen, so that little detail made me want to give Nick a bro-fist. LOL

Anyways, using those s'mores was a nice touch too because it added to the relationship between Nick and Saud. I also think the way he focuses on Saud's arm and how it used to be wrapped around his neck when they wrestled / around a date's waist at prom, really helps solidify a history between them. But yeah. The beginning of this chapter is one of my favorite scenes so far in this novel, mostly because of how you portray grief and shock, and how you take the time to humanize Tate to the point where I can't help sympathize with him. And it's not a melodramatic, manipulative type of sympathy either - I really do *care* about Tate because I want to care about him. Not because I'm being coaxed into it by Saud's death.

2.) [Is Lindsay's more comforting reaction realistic for an employee to her boss?] Yeah, I mean, I don't think someone could ever come across as "too comforting." It all just depends on how you want her character to come across. If you want her to see sympathetic, then I think the way she reacts really helps portray that image. Just because Nick is her boss / the sheriff doesn't mean anything, you know? He's still human. Like, if my boss came up to me and told me he just saw his best friend cut into pieces, I'd definitely be as comforting as I possibly could be (even though that type of thing isn't my forte - I usually want to run away when someone starts crying, but you know...I try to help out if I can). So yeah, I think her support is definitely normal and it just paints her as a more concerned person who doesn't let the title of "sheriff" or "boss" keep her from offering a superior sympathy.

3.) [Who do you think about that last scene with Nick taking off his clothes?] Well, I think I've stripped every single one of my main protagonists at least once per novel, so I don't really have any room to criticize this LOL. No, but seriously, I thought it was funny. Like Fang (VelvetyCheerio) mentioned, I got embarrassed FOR him when he started stripping. xD

The only line that sort of surprised me, and not because it was out of character but because it just felt so blunt, was the line about the women being all wet after they left the police office. Since you said you wanted him stripping down to sort of reflect his past mentality when he was younger, I think right there you can maybe pause for a moment and give an anecdote of something similar he did in the past. He's obviously still confident about his looks, maybe even cocky, and I can imagine how arrogant he might have been as a teenager. Maybe he did something similar in the past at like a pool party or something, blatantly showing off his bod to make the other guys jealous (and the girls quiver). Since you want to address his struggle to break away from who he was a youth, I think that's another small opportunity to build that up even more.

So I think, overall, this chapter does a wonderful job setting up Nick's character even more. We've seen him before now, sure, but the way someone reacts to a best friend's death can really tell a lot about that person. That certain sense of grief can make a person extremely vulnerable, and I love seeing main protagonists in a vulnerable state because I feel like it humanized them. Makes me care about them more and not want to see them like that again, you know? Plus I think this chapter helps push the plot along. Nick is now obviously convinced there's something going on in town, and I wonder if he's going to get Luke involved since it's possible the killer Luke saw and this new murderer are the same people.
5/18/2014 c35 4Jitterbug Blues
Oh wow, this really is over. And, unlike my other reviews, I'm not going to type this into a Word Doc first, but just type here, because I have so many feelings. This is a really lovely ending. I actually nearly teared up when Nick started thinking of his brother, and you gave us all those snap-shot scenes of how they conversed before their final goodbye. Gosh, it's so sentimental of me to say this, but it was touching and really struck a chord in me. And it was unexpected, totally unexpected, but also just served to give this chapter the heart and love it needed (and what a nice gesture from Portia).

I really liked the scene with the therapist/doctor too, because it was time Nick said those things aloud. It was dark, but I think it has helped him to come to grips with his past (though it leaves a backdoor open for more angst :D). But let's focus on the good things: Nick is happy. He's not only had success in his career, but I feel he's going to make it now. He's going to be happy, and that makes me happy because, all throughout this, I've really been invested in his journey. I did not expect to like him this much, but I do 333. And I love Portia too, who not only truly loves him, but really gives him the support he needs. Lovely couple 33.

I loved the office scene, with everyone congratulating him because he deserves it. He really does, and it was the right amount of light-hearted that really balanced this chapter out. The banter made me grin, and also just showed me how well they all work together. Again, it just made the ending more satisfying. And this was a very satisfying ending. You didn't fill us out on everything (are Luke and Alice still dating?) but you don't have to, because I feel this was Nick's story, and that's why I care most about him :3 I'm so happy that he's happy. And I just want to thank you for writing so much fun and engaging.

Now to the questions:

1) Hmm, I actually don't remember XD. I don't think immediately no, but sometime midway. I can't just tell you where: I'm a character person. I fell in love with the story once I fell for the characters.

2) Hmm, no not really. Your style is clear: skimming is not something I actually even thought of here.

3) Hmm, everything was clear to me, but you described the forest the best? :3

4) Nick is my favourite character, followed by mostly everyone else. I don't like Gerard, for obvious reasons.

5) Dialogue and characterisation was very well-handled.

I'd like to see you come back, but I'd understand if you didn't want to :3 At any rate, I'd love to continue our review exchange 33 (and read your stories too, of course!).
5/18/2014 c34 Jitterbug Blues
Belated review yet again, but RL has been crazy. And not necessarily in a good way but then no way worse than what those characters are going through XD. This chapter just made me realise 1) how messed up everyone is here, and b) how this story is what it is, because of exactly *that*. Obviously, this means that I really enjoyed this chapter a lot: it's not only a nice 'conclusion'/follow up to what happened in the previous ones, but it further fleshes out those characters, and that makes everything more fun to read.

So, anyhow: I don't think she owed Nick an apology at all. Losing 25 pounds in a month is unhealthy no matter what, and she's also just been through hell and back. I think she was right, and even if she was giving him tough love, it was obvious that she was only worried. I do think that apologising was a good idea, but I'm not angry at her for having been so concerned. Nick is just a worrying character, though I also think it's amazing that you're writing about a male with an eating disorder (that is so very rare).

I liked how they reconciled: it wasn't too cutesy, but hopeful, hinting that, yes, they will make it, and that Nick is on the road to recovery. I hope so! He's just found out that yet another thing he cared about is dead, and I know it's going to weigh him down for a while, but if he takes a therapist as he told Alice, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Hmm, and yes I liked that scene with Alice too, because it's nice to see that he's not a monster, after all, and I'm also glad to see Alice in better hands now. I wonder if she will continue seeing Luke, or if they'll both just focus on healing each other's wounds first. Haha, I'm rambling but there are so many things I like, and I think this chapter is doing a good job of addressing everything :3

I didn't mind the tone switches at all, so they were smooth, me thinks? :33
5/8/2014 c16 5Dr. Self Destruct
Heeeeey! Sorry it's been so long since you've heard from me. I just got back yesterday from a vacation up in VA where I'm going to be moving in a few months. :)

DAMN, this chapter. Haha. But before I go into all the stuff I liked about it, let me just cover my one suggestion first:

The opening to the chapter had me a bit confused between the scene jumps. I think maybe developing a bit more of the setting in the very beginning, telling us where exactly Luke is, might help with this. Nothing major. Maybe a paragraph or two at most. A few details of the bedroom. I was just really caught off-guard with the "gay" comment, and I had to read the opening paragraphs a few times to realize why he was talking about Becca and Era like that, which ended up being because he was at their house. I think the reason I was so disoriented was because the last time I saw Luke he was being picked up by Nick. Now, I know a lot of time has passed since then, and I think that's the perfect reason why this chapter might need some more of a set-up. Maybe summarize really quickly what Luke had been up to between this chapter and chapter 14.

I really dig the part with the pig trough. I don't know why, but food scraps really gross me out. So as Luke is digging around in this slop, I'm imagining like rotting and moldy food and stuff and it's making me queasy. xD Oh yeah, and I guess the bodyparts are gross too. But gore usually doesn't gross me out - it's more the weird stuff, like vomit and garbage. I think it's the smell. I have a really strong sense of smell, so anything foul smelling is where I get nauseous.

But yeah, anyways, I really like how you gradually develop the discovery of the body, starting with the forearm and going to the other parts. The whole thing is really suspenseful, because at first I expected it to be sort of a false alarm and Luke doesn't find anything...but then, nope, he strikes gold. And severed limbs. Poor kid. I like that little detail of him humming to himself and trying to view everything like it's an episode of Dexter or Sherlock. They're definitely really convincing coping mechanisms.

Oh no, Saud! :( You know, I know it says in the summary that Nick finds his best friend cut into pieces, but I totally forgot about that until I got to the end of this chapter and Nick pulls Saud's head out of the muck. I saw that one of your reviewers said it was hard for them to sympathize with Nick because Saud hasn't been much of a major character in the story, and I think if you want to alleviate that feeling for some readers you can maybe build up his character through flashbacks from Nick's POV. Maybe certain things he sees while interacting with Portia (or other people) makes him think of Saud. And maybe that leads to a conversation about Saud - I know you do this a bit already, but I think you can definitely take it a couple steps further if you want to. I hate to draw examples from my own writing, but I guess along the lines of what I tend to do with Kyle from Alexander's POV. Personally, I don't really mind that Saud isn't given a whole lot of screen time because he ends up dying anyways and we know this from the summary (so it's not exactly hidden) which automatically makes me put a wall up against his character and not allow myself to become too attached.

So I think this just depends on what you want to do. If you want to make Saud a more crucial character, you can totally do so without the need of him appearing too often in the story.

I think you have a lot of subplots and characters that you developed in the first fifteen chapters, which kept me interested. And I'm really excited to see how everything will tie together, because I know so many people in this town have such juicy pasts and a lot of dirt to uncover. If you're ever worried about reader interest, I think when going back and revising you could add some more glimpses of the killer - but that would be pretty hard to pull off. If you want to play around with Luke's sanity, you could maybe have him hallucinate stuff. Or maybe he's really paranoid. Like when he's walking home by himself in chapter 14 - that'd be an awesome place to toss in a possible appearance of the killer.

omigosh, what if Luke IS the killer? :O What if he's totally crazy?

Alek is really suspicious too. He was acting so weird the entire chapter with threatening Luke and not wanting to let them search the trough...I mean, it's not suspicious to the point where I'm ready to declare he's the killer (because what sort of motivation would he have to kill Saud?). I think Alek might be a very convincing red herring. :3

Anyways, I think this is one of my favorite chapters. The fireworks and murder discovery mesh really well together. On one side you have celebration for the birth of a country...and on the other, you have Saud's death. Very nice juxtaposition.
4/25/2014 c33 4Jitterbug Blues
So I've been sitting around this review for a while - I actually read this chapter weeks ago, I've just been unable to comment on it properly. I just feel like saying that I liked this is not substantial a comment, but I did like this, and I don’t feel that this conclusion is rushed or half-arsed :3 If anything, I’d say it’s satisfying – it’s satisfying to see Gerald being punished for his ways (which included killing off Saud and basically raping Alice for so many years). I especially liked how this chapter started off relatively light-hearted, what with all the joking and banter (it was just nice to see the ‘adults’ behaving pretty much the same as the kids, which shows that you never quite grow up :P). I really like how you write Portia and Nick as a couple and standalone characters: they’re well-fleshed out and cute – and thus very likeable.

I liked how you hinted at things growing darker, with small interruptions like someone making noise or Alice’s disappearance. I liked how Gerald walked in, and how he explained his motives (while seemingly shooting Nick down). I think you did a good job of showing Luke’s fears, making it really obvious that real hero antics don’t exist in ‘real life’ (because what could Luke have done anyways? If he had stood up to Gerald, he would have died). I think those reflections of his re: how he wanted everyone else to lead a normal life were my favourite. They were just eerily heartbreaking.

I liked the hint of gore you gave us with Gerald digging out that screwdriver and pushing it inside of Nick’s abdomen: that was creepy and made me cringe D: The only thing that confused me initially was a gun then went off and Gerald was suddenly dead – I think that could be *fleshed* out a teensy bit. But overall, I really liked you how you handled this, because anything too emotional would have dragged, or seemed too melodramatic. The fact that this went as quickly as it did seemed more realistic and thus more shocking: 3

Anyhow, I also felt that explanation at the end could have been fleshed out a little bit, especially emotionally. It’s not bad (I like how well Portia and Nick planned everything), but it did feel a bit anti-climatic; I’d just recommend that you flesh things out a bit in terms of character reactions, so that things also sink in for the reader :3 (hope that’s helpful!).

I think, to really give you a proper review, I’d have to re-read everything, because – admittedly – my memory is a bit sketchy, as I’ve read this with great lags in between ): Sorry, if I couldn't be more helpful :3 I'm looking forward to the next few chapters :3 (or epilogue).
4/17/2014 c15 5Dr. Self Destruct
Uncle Gerryyyyyyy, why you such a creep-o? ._. Haha, it just sucks because at first he seems just really nice to her, filling up that empty space where her real father is. That comment about how her father calls her a "walking whore" because of how she dresses - ugh, that made me so angry. x.x I don't think people understand how hypocritical that is, since so many women in the entertainment industry or in the general media dress like that, which is considered the "norm" and is perpetuated by the upper class. So when younger people imitate those images, they're villainized - it just sucks. It's like that whole slut shaming thing. So many guys get pissed off at a girl for being a "tease," but if she puts out she's a "slut." So her father's comment about her being a "walking whore" made me think of that, and it also says a lot about him. Berating your daughter and lowering her self-esteem even more isn't going to help her not dress that way - showing her how she shouldn't feel the need to objectify herself to get attention might. Ugh, parents. e.e

Anyways, what I was getting at was I'm really sad now because at first Uncle Gerry comes off as the parental figure she needs, but now he's obviously not because he's taking sexual advantage of her. This kind of reminds me of a scene in "I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings" where Maya Angelou (it's her autobiography) talks about when she was molested by her mother's boyfriend. Maya didn't have a father growing up, and she innocently saw the molestation as a type of "love" she was never able to experience. It wasn't until he actually raped her that she realized it was wrong. Of course, Maya was only, I believe, eight when this happened. So I wonder what it says about Alice, since Alice is definitely old enough to know this is "wrong." I get a sense that she just doesn't know what to do with herself. She's at a very delicate time in her life, around that time of late puberty...and living in a society that oppresses female sexuality, I think situations like these probably arise more than we realize. I feel like they might be inevitable.

I'm curious as to what type of theme or intention you have behind this incest - are you making a larger statement about the ways in which love can become warped and twisted? Or is this incest solely in here as a facet to the plot? I think you could approach some really interesting ideas by paralleling Luke and Alice's situations.

I really like how you bookend this chapter with the cologne. That last line I really loved, especially how specific Alice gets with the brand and type of the cologne. I think it says a lot about her and Gerry's relationship that she knows exactly what type of cologne he uses - especially when the cologne has such a long name, haha. For example, I know the type of cologne my boyfriend uses, but I don't know the type my father used to use. So I think that can hint toward a certain connection between people that is very intimate. Plus, like Alice notices, your sense of smell is the sense that most often triggers memories. So it makes sense she's attracted to Luke because of his cologne, especially if that cologne is the same as Gerry's. I actually had a friend who would get an instant boner whenever he smelled coconut because his girlfriend always used coconut shampoo and lotion LOL.

I'm also curious as to why Alice is so obsessed with Tate when she already has Gerry. Maybe she subconsciously doesn't want to continue this relationship with Gerry, but the only way out that she knows of (and that would make sense considering she's young and still in high school) would be if another man got involved. Someone she could use as an anchor to try and break this habit.

haha, as you can see, I feel like this chapter has cracked Alice open and shown me a lot about her character. I think the thing I'm most surprised about is how willing she is in all this. But I think I'd rather see her be willing than Gerry raping or molesting her against her will. As strange as that might sound. Knowing this is something Alice wants, on whatever level, gives her a sense of empowerment and choice that rape wouldn't. Which also makes this situation a lot different.
4/15/2014 c23 3cybersheep
While I remember, I found a little typo - 'body parts [found]'.

Ok now back to gushing. Lol I love the idea of Nick watching some Sherlock (wasn't a big fan of series three though :/). Sighhh chief Tate, you are so perfect...

So WOO Lukey history! This backstory is so interesting! I'd love to just read a whole story focused on it (in case you ever felt like doing a spin-off :p), like talk about family drama! I wonder whether and how it will link to the axeman and maybe sauds death. I have faith in Lil lukey not imagining things! Nick better get his free badge for luke polished QUICKSMART.

Also Luke's almost self-involved self esteem issues at the beginning there. Why are feelings always so silly and mean? *huggles Luke*
4/15/2014 c22 cybersheep
Lol I'm still gonna review even though it's weeny. SMALL BUT PERFECTLY FORMED.

(Hi by the way. Sorry ive been away for a bit but life sort of ate me. Moving flat. Ugh.)

But this chapter was so cute! I love how Alice doesn't fart around, and just sends that message. And how luke replies right away. These guys are adorable :).

Liked the references to uncle gerry 'killing' boyfriends and all - fun given the murderous context of this lovely story. And it's interesting how Alice is so defensive of her relationship with him. It's like some part of her genuinely wants 'them' to work. I can't remember if you've said when this whole incest thing started - I'm interested to see whether gerry manipulated her into it at all, or of he's just a creepy opportunist.

Also I really want to learn about horror stories with portia. Granted im probably about the same age as Portia, so I'd look a little weird in class, but I dont care damn it!

Next! :)
4/7/2014 c21 cybersheep
Oooh forensics :). I actually did a forensics masters too so was most keen reading this (although I was genetics, not prints/blood spatter :p). ALSO if Nick was real, we'd totally have stuff to talk about. Icky stuff, but YAY nonetheless.

I didn't find the first part draggy. Ok so I am totally shallow (you must know this) but I was thoroughly busy going 'ooh wilderness Nick! He has a dog and is hot and can make me fish. Squueeee'. So yes. Fangirling. It was nice to find out more about him. I'd never picture him as a rich kid, so he's doing well with his breaking away from that image. And daww he wants to have babies with Portia *heartmelt*.

So ALEK EH? OK im going to risk looking stupid here, but I I really don't think he did it - the guy seems wayyy more surly young pretty than killer. So what is he doing hiding evidence? Was he just being silly like Luke says, or is there more? Mm mystery :) I'm not sure you'd get even a partial from something that had been in a pig's tummy (and yup the DNA would be impossssible, ) but as I said prints *really* aren't my thing! Loved the spatter stuff though! The right shoe! Where is it? And how did the left one get left behind in the first place? Lovely number of questions raised with this one :)
4/7/2014 c20 cybersheep
Hi nut :). Standard reviewing on my phone disclaimer - sorry in advance for nonsense and typos!

While I remember them, I spotted just a couple of typo things. I think 'unmated' should be 'unmuted' for the tv? Also (I'm going to remember this wrong) but you had something like 'were been chosen' in the bit about adopted siblings, instead of were chosen/had been chosen.

Hokay, blab now :). I loved getting to know a little more about Luke's family history, and about Dean and how dead he might or might not be. So Luke thinks the killer is someone with a secret in Edgeport? Poor dear, that doesn't trim it down much, does it? I'm dying to know who it is, and suspect EVERYONE. Even Luke! Even PORTIA. Yeah, I know I'm ridiculously paranoid :p.

I was interested in Nick's reaction to Luke's mum here because he really blew up! I guess he's bound to be touchier than normal at the moment. And gee these guys have HISTORY. Moar backstory, yum yum. I liked Luke's reaction too - how it wasn't really a typical 'but I love Mom' type thing, how he was really logical instead. I love this boy's head - he would make a great detective. GASP ON A TEAM WITH ALICE. How cute they would be :)

Another great random opener too (fluids *shudder*) and wee cliffhanger. Do we get some more Bardici-love soon then (not that I have a widdle crush on le Alek or anything...)
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