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for To Win the Widow's Heart

10/21/2014 c12 4m. b. whitlock
RG EF Rule 10

I think this is a very good chapter, quite enjoyable. The intensifying brew of emotions between Eleanor and William are effective and keep me in the world of your story. I continue to feel for Eleanor and I understand why she chose to humiliate William in front of Martin. He deserved it and if he doesn;t learn from the experience I doubt he will keep his head on his shoulders for very long. :)

Here are some notes:

One too many "beginning" s in this sentence. You might want to also trim it some generally:
"She looked around. The first insipid rays of sun were *beginning* to appear over the tops of the low buildings where the townsfolk were *beginning* to start their day." I like the imagery.

I also like this atmospheric description, it evokes the setting and Eleanor's mood well:
"Eleanor still did not speak and the only sounds to break the silence were the cawing of crows and the pounding of hooves on the frozen ground."

You might want to change "ground" to 'earth' or something though, simply because you use "ground" at the end of the very next phrase:
"They broke into open ground," No big deal however. Just a language tweak. :)

"She fed the apple core to her horse and with a crack of the reins set off once more."
Do reins crack? She's not whipping the horse, is she? You don't 'crack' the reins in my experience. Perhaps try 'with a *tug on* the reins'?

"she shivered at the *sensation's* the memory evoked." Little typo I think here, 'sensations' not "sensation's" I believe.

I like the way you describe William's sword and the way he conceals it but I just want to mention that I believe only noblemen at this time (those whose families were granted a coat of arms by the king and therefore the right to bear them) were allowed to carry swords. A man who was not a nobleman (if this is the Middle Ages) could be imprisoned or even lose a hand for having a sword. Carrying a bow and arrows or a simple dagger or other more humble weapons would be allowed though. I'm likely the only person who will notice this though. (This makes Martin's actions more than justified.) :)

This sounds a bit awkward:
"Eleanor stared the distance between them then looked down at the blades." Like the concept nonetheless.

The interplay between Martin and William and Eleanor is great!

Missing an 's':
""You should consider your actions more carefully in future before someone takes your head from your shoulder*s*.""

I like the ending scene with Eleanor and William standing side by side and agreeing to a truce. I also like how Eleanor appears to take a little pleasure in witnessing William's jealousy.


10/17/2014 c2 90Timbo Slice
I thought the strongest parts of this chapter was not only the dialog but also the interaction between Eleanor and Rudhale, how they subtlely sized each other up during the meeting with her father, it's like you could feel the tension playing out between them and you know that there's a possibility that the tension could lead to something...more. But as good as the dialog was it was the things that went unsaid that was the most important, like how Eleanor kept her silence about the stewards antics at the ferry. Even bough she justified her lie by saying her father would never let her travel alone after an incident like that I felt it was due more to her not wanting to throw Rudhale under the bus (or chariot) and that speaks a lot about her character as well.
9/20/2014 c23 Amber SanGiovanni
Oooh! I'm really liking this now. Its definitely picking up. I absolutely adore your characters. Update soon!
9/10/2014 c22 11littlecelticwitch
Oh my goodness, I was so excited to see your update in my inbox today! You HAVE to keep going with this one here! You are literally killing me. I love this story, and I love how the plot has flowed so well. Every situation seems so organic, with natural reactions. Please, please, please keep updating! I am soooo curious as to where you are going with this/how you are going to resolve the love story.
9/10/2014 c22 Amber SanGiovanni
I'm starting to be extremely angry with Eleanor. :) Which i suppose is the point. Please update soon!
This story is so good!
8/27/2014 c21 Amber SanGiovanni
Nononono! Aww. Update soon! I love this story so much.
8/20/2014 c20 Amber SanGiovanni
Nononononono. Im literally heartbroken now. Please update soon!
8/2/2014 c6 13alltheeagles
For the RG EF

I like the exchanged remarks on love and money by Will and Eleanor because they were witty and also very true observations which still hold true today. Like Will, I don’t like Edmund’s ‘cream’ remark, which I suppose is typical of a sexist male of that era. The fact that Will doesn’t like it raises my opinion of him. Finally I feel a little sorry for Will if Eleanor is agreeing to work together with him just to avoid boredom. However, the last part (anticipation! :D) tempers this nicely.
7/31/2014 c1 90Timbo Slice
I like the old world style of the setting, as your writing paints a clear a descriptive picture of the scene without falling into the trap of the dread "purple prose" and despite the genre this reminds me of a fantasy tale with it being set in medieval (I'm assuming) times.

He dialogue was appropriately grandiose but felt somewhat stilted at times, especially with the interaction between the brother and sister, I guess it's because we tend to create dialogue with a more modern vocabulary and style as that is what we are used to hearing, no matter how much you try to differentiate it.

I also liked the flow of the chapter as the pacing was not too fast and offered some intriguing backstory on our main character and her struggles and the ending was appropriately suspenseful ( what's HE doing there?) to make the reader read on.
7/26/2014 c11 4m. b. whitlock
RG EF #5,893

I think this is a wonderful chapter from beginning to end. The scene between Eleanor and her father is so well done. The different emotions that Eleanor experiences throughout their exchange are related in a very effective manner. Everything you describe her feeling is so believable for the character you've established for her. She *is* changing, definitely, though she seems to want to deny this quite fervently. William is changing too and I think the scene with slipping into his cold bed and wondering what it might be like to have Eleanor's warm body next to him shows the growing tenderness and deep emotional attachment he is developing towards her.

Here are just a few notes:

I really like this bit of dialogue and the physical/emotional description that follows:
""You cannot make me accept a husband as you did before. I am a widow in the eyes of the law, not a child." Eleanor folded her arms, surprised at the words that had burst from her."

"Visions of Sir Edgar's men flashed through Will's mind. Too old. Too scrawny. Too *lavicious*." I think you mean 'lascivious' not "lavicious". :)

"He shook his head in wonderment that he had not thought of it before now, but his wager was not yet lost. Far from it, he had won himself two days alone in her company."
This section where William thinks about the new opportunity he has to win his wager is a little less than clear. I think if you made just the tiniest change it would work fine though. Here's a small suggestion, 'He shook his head in wonderment that he had not thought of it before now. His wager was not yet lost! Far from it, he had won himself two days alone in her company.'

Love the ending:
"Lady Peyton flashed Will a look of pure hatred that took him by surprise. She let out a sharp oath and dug her heels into the mare's flanks, spurring it away and leaving Will in her wake." Always love your endings!


7/24/2014 c19 VoidVoidable
Beautiful chapter! And at last, the long awaited kiss! Even better, Will realised that wagering her affections isn't quite nice. Good lad, that one. Here's to hoping it'll all work out for the couple!
7/17/2014 c9 4Jitterbug Blues
I meant to take a rest from RG-playing tonight, but I admittedly clicked on your story because I like it :3 And I am using the chance to play catch-up while I again. So what I really liked about this chapter was the revelation about Amy: sure, Will didn’t say everything, but he confessed enough: marrying her would have been a mistake. I liked that moment, for its honesty, even if he might not necessarily had the noblest of intentions there. I just felt that this moment in particular created a nice bonding moment for Will and Eleanor :3

I must be tired, but I didn’t quite catch on that there was a near-kiss In this chapter – have to backtrack and read again :D. Nevertheless, I liked how you described Will’s warmth and how Eleanor perceived it. There was something very intimate about that, and I felt it made the scene more soothing, more calm :D That is good, because it avoided make the near-kiss scene cheesy 33.

I liked Eleanor’s reactions in this chapter, how she went from being naturally flustered to rather accommodating towards Will, seeming to enjoy his company and maybe even wanting to stay. I thought it showed that she’s warming up to him in a very natural and believable manner. What I also liked was how, earlier, she was worried about them being caught together and, for the first time, took into consideration that it would have been ruinous for him too. I thought that this showed her caring nature, but also implied that she cares about his welfare. A far cry from her disdain regarding him in the earlier chapter.

I have questions, I must confess. Just how did he and Amy really fall apart? Is Will going to pursue Eleanor even more seriously now? :3
7/13/2014 c1 deltd
Review Game- Easy Fix

It was interesting how Eleanor admitted to not loving Baldwin. Even though she dreamed of him all the time over the years, it shows that her heart could still be susceptible to things she had never felt before. This is a good plot twist from what I saw in your summary. It could totally change everything around.

The conversations with her brother and the coachman were funny. You have great dialogue in here! Everything flowed so well and you captured the character's emotions perfectly. :) Good job!
7/3/2014 c16 VoidVoidable
Ooooh! I love this chapter; it provided some more insight into exactly how Will feels. But I must say I did not expect him to treat her so coldly once they returned. Nonetheless I'm excited for the couple to work it all out and I'm sure you won't disappoint drama-wise for the moment she discovers the wager. Also it seems a bit cruel of Eleanor's brother to have a bet like this. As much as you can tell he cares about her it still seems unkind that he thinks of her as heartless.
6/30/2014 c5 20Ventracere
Welp. It's been a while, but here's the rule 10 ;)

I like Eleanor for her steadfast strength when it comes to her emotions. She's willing to allow others to help her and sometimes confess - while leaving things out - what happened in the case of her maid. This way - also as an answer to your questions - Eleanor doesn't come across as too cold or too stilted. She may be like that towards Will, but you balance that out with other interactions. Speaking of interactions, I liked the little hint Mr. Beckett dropped unknowingly for Eleanor.

I like Will as a not-so-antagonistic-potential-love-interest. He's kind of always irritating Eleanor, but at the same time, he's willing to own up to his mistakes, as in the case of paying for Eleanor's crutch. However, his more sketchy dealings with Sir Edgar (Will turning gleeful at the mention of bankruptcy) is something that puts me off a little. Why? I'm not exactly sure what his real intentions will end up turning into. He's a nice foil for Eleanor and at the same time, everything is up in the air for him.

Good job !
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