for Rules To Break You4/12/2015 c20 
5WaterBudget
Because of the "spoiler" you gave me, I understand the reason for Brook's angst in the last sentence. Without that knowledge, would it have the same impact? Have you considered revealing his nature earlier on? It's a minor matter, but I feel like we need some of Brook's history too as well as Myka/Eryk/Freyl's to understand his reactions to certain conversations better.
Eryk makes a good point that the word "love" is overworked. Actually, the entire conversation was deep and theme-y. Good stuff. Brook's silent comments on the revelations are entertaining too.
Is it possible for a person to have TOO much love for someone? Eryk really is stuck in a rut. How can you let go after feeling that much for a person? Brook has a lot of work ahead of him...Poor man.
Plot-wise, we finally learn motive for their going on a journey! Hmm Myka, with his mysterious message that he may never be able to deliver...Could it be so simple as wanting to confess his cinta for Freyl?
5WaterBudgetBecause of the "spoiler" you gave me, I understand the reason for Brook's angst in the last sentence. Without that knowledge, would it have the same impact? Have you considered revealing his nature earlier on? It's a minor matter, but I feel like we need some of Brook's history too as well as Myka/Eryk/Freyl's to understand his reactions to certain conversations better.
Eryk makes a good point that the word "love" is overworked. Actually, the entire conversation was deep and theme-y. Good stuff. Brook's silent comments on the revelations are entertaining too.
Is it possible for a person to have TOO much love for someone? Eryk really is stuck in a rut. How can you let go after feeling that much for a person? Brook has a lot of work ahead of him...Poor man.
Plot-wise, we finally learn motive for their going on a journey! Hmm Myka, with his mysterious message that he may never be able to deliver...Could it be so simple as wanting to confess his cinta for Freyl?
4/12/2015 c19 WaterBudget
It's hard to see Myka like this, especially Myka thinking that Eryk would betray him. It felt the teensiest bit out of character, because he seems the sort to withdraw rather than strike out at people. To be honest, his hysteria is frustrating. I want Myka to show some backbone, but Eryk is right that the current Myka is broken. What will it take to fix his spirit, I wonder...
The violence brings to mind a scene in a work of mine, but it's between two near strangers, one with a major mood issue. (And that was less violent. Probably because I'm a sissy.) So this was quite disturbing to see between two people who are so close.
At least, I could appreciate the Eryk x Brook moment. That indirect kiss made me smile. Brook is adorable to worry about the scandal. Some men wouldn't care...
Then Brook ends with an excellent rhetorical question. She's driving us crazy by hiding matters, though I do feel sorry for her. Chances are Brook will have it out of her soon enough.
It's hard to see Myka like this, especially Myka thinking that Eryk would betray him. It felt the teensiest bit out of character, because he seems the sort to withdraw rather than strike out at people. To be honest, his hysteria is frustrating. I want Myka to show some backbone, but Eryk is right that the current Myka is broken. What will it take to fix his spirit, I wonder...
The violence brings to mind a scene in a work of mine, but it's between two near strangers, one with a major mood issue. (And that was less violent. Probably because I'm a sissy.) So this was quite disturbing to see between two people who are so close.
At least, I could appreciate the Eryk x Brook moment. That indirect kiss made me smile. Brook is adorable to worry about the scandal. Some men wouldn't care...
Then Brook ends with an excellent rhetorical question. She's driving us crazy by hiding matters, though I do feel sorry for her. Chances are Brook will have it out of her soon enough.
4/6/2015 c18 WaterBudget
I liked your description of the tussle. The descriptions of the light in Eryk and Myka's eyes were also quite beautiful and fitting for their personalities.
Oh no, now that Brook's arm is healed, does that mean he's going to leave? It seemed almost like a good-bye gift for some reason. Ah, Brook is a bit of a drama queen at the end there: "utterly and hopelessly out of his reach." She almost kissed you! She's standing right beside you!
That coughing guard made an appearance again. Hah.
Eryk stuffing her face, with Myka scolding. Typical.
This chapter was more satisfying than the previous one. The interaction between Brook and Eryk in the previous seemed a tad stilted/forced somehow. For me, maybe it was too much drama all at once, with both of them getting teary-eyed. In this chapter, the actions and reactions flowed more smoothly and realistically.
I liked your description of the tussle. The descriptions of the light in Eryk and Myka's eyes were also quite beautiful and fitting for their personalities.
Oh no, now that Brook's arm is healed, does that mean he's going to leave? It seemed almost like a good-bye gift for some reason. Ah, Brook is a bit of a drama queen at the end there: "utterly and hopelessly out of his reach." She almost kissed you! She's standing right beside you!
That coughing guard made an appearance again. Hah.
Eryk stuffing her face, with Myka scolding. Typical.
This chapter was more satisfying than the previous one. The interaction between Brook and Eryk in the previous seemed a tad stilted/forced somehow. For me, maybe it was too much drama all at once, with both of them getting teary-eyed. In this chapter, the actions and reactions flowed more smoothly and realistically.
4/6/2015 c17 WaterBudget
Minor word choice matters first:
In the first line - I wonder if discrete (meaning distinct) should be discreet (meaning unobtrusive or careful)?
A lot of "defiance" from Eryk - first defiant hands on hips and then that defiant glance
A few adverbs you might choose to omit: slightly grumpy; deliberately goading; unfairly exiling; he remained uneasily silent; presently, she spoke again; she said somberly; asked gruffly (a bit cheesy)
Plotwise-
I don't think Myka needs any more pity; he'll drown in it. Still, I'm glad Eryk was looking out for him, and I can forgive her a little for being brusque with Brook last chapter.
Did they really almost...and then a cough interrupted them. Suddenly, this became a romantic comedy :P
Also, I have no idea what a conker is, but I liked that splitting-apart extended simile a lot.
Either way, I'm not sure if it's lust or love that these two are in. I have been shipping them on the side, but I was waiting for more surprises. Which you gave us: the unravel of Eryk's lies ("We're supposed to be betrothed" but he's like a brother. I facepalmed.). At least, these truths make me feel better about their convoluted relationships.
Minor word choice matters first:
In the first line - I wonder if discrete (meaning distinct) should be discreet (meaning unobtrusive or careful)?
A lot of "defiance" from Eryk - first defiant hands on hips and then that defiant glance
A few adverbs you might choose to omit: slightly grumpy; deliberately goading; unfairly exiling; he remained uneasily silent; presently, she spoke again; she said somberly; asked gruffly (a bit cheesy)
Plotwise-
I don't think Myka needs any more pity; he'll drown in it. Still, I'm glad Eryk was looking out for him, and I can forgive her a little for being brusque with Brook last chapter.
Did they really almost...and then a cough interrupted them. Suddenly, this became a romantic comedy :P
Also, I have no idea what a conker is, but I liked that splitting-apart extended simile a lot.
Either way, I'm not sure if it's lust or love that these two are in. I have been shipping them on the side, but I was waiting for more surprises. Which you gave us: the unravel of Eryk's lies ("We're supposed to be betrothed" but he's like a brother. I facepalmed.). At least, these truths make me feel better about their convoluted relationships.
4/6/2015 c16 WaterBudget
My heart can't take Myka x Freyl. Myka so dear and vulnerable while Freyl is so manly and supportive...
Brook did well in this chapter, helping Myka both physically and emotionally. The way he tricked the physician was nifty. After all, it would take quite an effort to convince anyone that Myka's injury (if I'm thinking of the right injury) was a stab wound, especially considering the location...
I hate to say it, but Eryk is getting on my nerves as a girl for some reason. Maybe it was the hair pulling/ordering Brook around...the sudden hyperactivity...and just annoyance on Brook's behalf. Maybe that will change as I read on.
My heart can't take Myka x Freyl. Myka so dear and vulnerable while Freyl is so manly and supportive...
Brook did well in this chapter, helping Myka both physically and emotionally. The way he tricked the physician was nifty. After all, it would take quite an effort to convince anyone that Myka's injury (if I'm thinking of the right injury) was a stab wound, especially considering the location...
I hate to say it, but Eryk is getting on my nerves as a girl for some reason. Maybe it was the hair pulling/ordering Brook around...the sudden hyperactivity...and just annoyance on Brook's behalf. Maybe that will change as I read on.
4/3/2015 c15 WaterBudget
It's way too late at night (but I couldn't stop reading). Still, pardon my typos in the last review. The gist was Brook isn't coy about his lust, and I should learn to make my characters the same way.
I do love the twist that you've confirmed in this chapter. And then you throw in another for fun. Do you enjoy torturing your readers? Just kidding. For now, I will think that Eryk and bro have a twisted relationship.
I love the paragraph outlining the way they got into the camp with their sob story. Good job, Brook.
Now Freyl is on his way to save his Muse, Myka! Way too excited about this.
It's way too late at night (but I couldn't stop reading). Still, pardon my typos in the last review. The gist was Brook isn't coy about his lust, and I should learn to make my characters the same way.
I do love the twist that you've confirmed in this chapter. And then you throw in another for fun. Do you enjoy torturing your readers? Just kidding. For now, I will think that Eryk and bro have a twisted relationship.
I love the paragraph outlining the way they got into the camp with their sob story. Good job, Brook.
Now Freyl is on his way to save his Muse, Myka! Way too excited about this.
4/3/2015 c14 WaterBudget
Madness. That's an appropriate name for this chapter. At least, they didn't jump to reveal themselves to Freyl, which also would have been a type of madness...
This gets more and more interesting though Brook cannot handle it lol. Brook's lustful thoughts have such great sensual language. I must learn from your example for the characters are rather coy when it comes to describing such feelings, but Brook suffers from no such coyness.
Eryk ends up surprising me most in this story. Guess he really does defy expectations. His gender fluidity is intriguing, though I'm not sure why he dressed up for his brother unless it's to trick the soldiers... (Or perhaps Eryk is female after all) Actually, I don't know if it seems logical for Eryk to leave Brook with no explanation at all unless he really is a girl. That's the only way his last words to Brook make sense (at least, in my eyes).
Madness. That's an appropriate name for this chapter. At least, they didn't jump to reveal themselves to Freyl, which also would have been a type of madness...
This gets more and more interesting though Brook cannot handle it lol. Brook's lustful thoughts have such great sensual language. I must learn from your example for the characters are rather coy when it comes to describing such feelings, but Brook suffers from no such coyness.
Eryk ends up surprising me most in this story. Guess he really does defy expectations. His gender fluidity is intriguing, though I'm not sure why he dressed up for his brother unless it's to trick the soldiers... (Or perhaps Eryk is female after all) Actually, I don't know if it seems logical for Eryk to leave Brook with no explanation at all unless he really is a girl. That's the only way his last words to Brook make sense (at least, in my eyes).
4/3/2015 c13 WaterBudget
The poem-like lines slipped in there were quite clever because it was a way of describing Eryk's angst without making it cliche or whiny. I didn't realize Brook was such a romantic poet-type either. This romance is turning out tragic so far - so many one-way streets. I'm holding onto the faint hope of Eryk x Brook right now. After all, Brook has reached the: I-say-all-the-wrong-things-to-the-one-I-like stage. Progress, I say.
Eryk needs to suck it up and face his brother. That is all.
The wisdom of concealing oneself in the cloth of the commander's tent I will have to see in the next chapter. I hope Freyl won't attack them in alarm when they reveal themselves. XD
The poem-like lines slipped in there were quite clever because it was a way of describing Eryk's angst without making it cliche or whiny. I didn't realize Brook was such a romantic poet-type either. This romance is turning out tragic so far - so many one-way streets. I'm holding onto the faint hope of Eryk x Brook right now. After all, Brook has reached the: I-say-all-the-wrong-things-to-the-one-I-like stage. Progress, I say.
Eryk needs to suck it up and face his brother. That is all.
The wisdom of concealing oneself in the cloth of the commander's tent I will have to see in the next chapter. I hope Freyl won't attack them in alarm when they reveal themselves. XD
4/3/2015 c12 WaterBudget
Typo - "shetering" should be "sheltering"
Myka's smile is too dazzling for mortals. Brook was not prepared...Well, I'm glad Myka concedes that he was being difficult, so now he and Brook can be civil towards one another. Hooray.
Hmm, the writing could use some tightening here and there.
Of note:
"the thought was nagging to the point of being impossible to ignore, like a loose tooth that ached with every word one said" - nagging impossible to ignore, so a bit redundant?
You could try: "The thought was impossible to ignore, like a loose tooth that ached with every spoken word"
"thoughts piroueteing and swirling around" - Perhaps just pick either piroueteing or swirling around
In this chapter, Eryk seemed rather hysterical, but Brook was also tactless in turn. Eryk's explanation only complicates my understanding of their relationships...and I'm not sure I can trust anything else he says until we meet Freyl. Which we will soon I bet!
Typo - "shetering" should be "sheltering"
Myka's smile is too dazzling for mortals. Brook was not prepared...Well, I'm glad Myka concedes that he was being difficult, so now he and Brook can be civil towards one another. Hooray.
Hmm, the writing could use some tightening here and there.
Of note:
"the thought was nagging to the point of being impossible to ignore, like a loose tooth that ached with every word one said" - nagging impossible to ignore, so a bit redundant?
You could try: "The thought was impossible to ignore, like a loose tooth that ached with every spoken word"
"thoughts piroueteing and swirling around" - Perhaps just pick either piroueteing or swirling around
In this chapter, Eryk seemed rather hysterical, but Brook was also tactless in turn. Eryk's explanation only complicates my understanding of their relationships...and I'm not sure I can trust anything else he says until we meet Freyl. Which we will soon I bet!
4/3/2015 c11 WaterBudget
"that beset his mind like a flock of birds looting a grain field" - Hmm, not sure this simile works for me.
Myka loves...whoooooo? And the other two are siblings? Sorry, sorry, I'm still trying to take it all in.
Suddenly in this chapter, the word for fever becomes "Fire." Is that perhaps how Eryk's people refer to it?
Herb hunting again. It is getting a little tiresome, but I do like the way Brook is starting to dig out more about Myka, Eryk and Freyl. And Eryk seems to have become rather fond of Brook. That "I don't want to lose you" was definitely not just: I don't want you to get lost. Given all that they've been through, it makes sense. Is this a new ship on the horizon? Well, first, they have to survive...
"that beset his mind like a flock of birds looting a grain field" - Hmm, not sure this simile works for me.
Myka loves...whoooooo? And the other two are siblings? Sorry, sorry, I'm still trying to take it all in.
Suddenly in this chapter, the word for fever becomes "Fire." Is that perhaps how Eryk's people refer to it?
Herb hunting again. It is getting a little tiresome, but I do like the way Brook is starting to dig out more about Myka, Eryk and Freyl. And Eryk seems to have become rather fond of Brook. That "I don't want to lose you" was definitely not just: I don't want you to get lost. Given all that they've been through, it makes sense. Is this a new ship on the horizon? Well, first, they have to survive...
4/3/2015 c10 WaterBudget
I'm flabbergasted. Myka calling Freyl's name was unexpected...and associating lips with that name? Actually, I felt as awkward as Brook seeing Eryk's reaction to Myka calling another man's name...
Poor Brook becomes tired of playing healer and takes down a feverish, ranting Myka (oddly funny). Eryk is still in pain... continues to be a hopeless situation for them. What do you have in store? I have no clue.
I found it interesting that Brook's power is so extensive: pausing time (briefly), illusions, language translation, dropping people into sleep (briefly), lowering fevers. It's almost too convenient at times, but at least, Brook is limited by his physical strength.
I'm flabbergasted. Myka calling Freyl's name was unexpected...and associating lips with that name? Actually, I felt as awkward as Brook seeing Eryk's reaction to Myka calling another man's name...
Poor Brook becomes tired of playing healer and takes down a feverish, ranting Myka (oddly funny). Eryk is still in pain... continues to be a hopeless situation for them. What do you have in store? I have no clue.
I found it interesting that Brook's power is so extensive: pausing time (briefly), illusions, language translation, dropping people into sleep (briefly), lowering fevers. It's almost too convenient at times, but at least, Brook is limited by his physical strength.
3/30/2015 c9 WaterBudget
Myka's realization and reaction were realistic, and Brook's comforting him was well-done. Watch the adverbs though (repeated dazedly, gasped sharply, stopped abruptly); they weaken the writing a bit.
So I've learned in school that there are many ways to administer medicine, but giving it by kiss is new. I have to admire Brook's ingenuity because modern medicine deals with it this way: if the person is unconscious, we're going to either stick it in a vein or administer it rectally. Both ways are rather unromantic...
Eryk being a "coy maiden" was interesting after his previous confidence, though Brook wanting to slap him made me giggle (inappropriately, sorry). Maybe change that "slap" to "cuff," but your choice. Anyway, the implication that Eryk and Myka haven't been physically intimate surprised me too, especially considering how Eryk clung to Myka in All the Wrong Reasons. Hmm, I wonder who the instigator will be later on?
Anyway, it's great to know that Myka is awake and on his way to recovery. Can't wait to see how he treats Brook now.
Myka's realization and reaction were realistic, and Brook's comforting him was well-done. Watch the adverbs though (repeated dazedly, gasped sharply, stopped abruptly); they weaken the writing a bit.
So I've learned in school that there are many ways to administer medicine, but giving it by kiss is new. I have to admire Brook's ingenuity because modern medicine deals with it this way: if the person is unconscious, we're going to either stick it in a vein or administer it rectally. Both ways are rather unromantic...
Eryk being a "coy maiden" was interesting after his previous confidence, though Brook wanting to slap him made me giggle (inappropriately, sorry). Maybe change that "slap" to "cuff," but your choice. Anyway, the implication that Eryk and Myka haven't been physically intimate surprised me too, especially considering how Eryk clung to Myka in All the Wrong Reasons. Hmm, I wonder who the instigator will be later on?
Anyway, it's great to know that Myka is awake and on his way to recovery. Can't wait to see how he treats Brook now.
3/30/2015 c8 WaterBudget
Brook playing healer is an unexpected source of lightheartedness, but I do appreciate his efforts to help Myka and Eryk. His flustered reaction to that half-kiss from Eryk was also funny. But really, what did Eryk mean by that? Is it a cultural difference in showing thanks...or something more? *eyebrow wiggle*
Ah, I love it when herbs are brought up. There is something fun and fantasy-like about herbal medicine.
So we do get to see what they talked about while plucking birds! Character building with dialogue and theme drops: what a nice conversation. Myka and Brook are alike, hmm...True, they both are introspective people who like focusing on others rather than themselves. I didn't get the I-don't-trust-people vibe from Brook as much, but Eryk clearly did, and Eryk has more experience in reading stoic folks than I do.
What kind of trauma does Brook have that leads to him to trust people less? Isolation because of his power perhaps? That reminds me that Brook's past remains quite mysterious... (These are all rhetorical questions btw)
Minor things:
["To do that, he had to lean in very close to him because it was his bound-up arm that he was using as support."] - Try "Because he was using his bound-up arm as support, he had to lean in very close." I like the order of cause-effect, rather than effect-cause for some reason. It's a stylistic choice really.
"His hand recoiled of itself." - An odd use of "itself." Perhaps just: "His hand recoiled."
Brook playing healer is an unexpected source of lightheartedness, but I do appreciate his efforts to help Myka and Eryk. His flustered reaction to that half-kiss from Eryk was also funny. But really, what did Eryk mean by that? Is it a cultural difference in showing thanks...or something more? *eyebrow wiggle*
Ah, I love it when herbs are brought up. There is something fun and fantasy-like about herbal medicine.
So we do get to see what they talked about while plucking birds! Character building with dialogue and theme drops: what a nice conversation. Myka and Brook are alike, hmm...True, they both are introspective people who like focusing on others rather than themselves. I didn't get the I-don't-trust-people vibe from Brook as much, but Eryk clearly did, and Eryk has more experience in reading stoic folks than I do.
What kind of trauma does Brook have that leads to him to trust people less? Isolation because of his power perhaps? That reminds me that Brook's past remains quite mysterious... (These are all rhetorical questions btw)
Minor things:
["To do that, he had to lean in very close to him because it was his bound-up arm that he was using as support."] - Try "Because he was using his bound-up arm as support, he had to lean in very close." I like the order of cause-effect, rather than effect-cause for some reason. It's a stylistic choice really.
"His hand recoiled of itself." - An odd use of "itself." Perhaps just: "His hand recoiled."
3/28/2015 c7 WaterBudget
So we learn details about the limitations of each of their powers in this chapter. Brook's power almost forces him to be a pacifist. Limited power or not, Brook did a lot of hard work this chapter to take care of them, and Eryk returns the favor by binding up his wounds. Very sweet.
Wait...I just thought of something. Did their captors not notice Brook's white hair? Maybe they didn't know the significance of it or notice it because Brook is wearing a hood? Doesn't matter at this point I guess. Though I wonder if we'll be seeing Leaderman and his crew later...and if they'll meet a fitting end...
I'm rather curious to see how the story will proceed now. Myka hurt and broken, Eryk swamped by pain, and a Bender with a broken arm to protect them...what will they do now and where can they go? Actually, why are Myka and Eryk traveling so far from their home? Okay, okay I'll be patient and wait for the answers.
So we learn details about the limitations of each of their powers in this chapter. Brook's power almost forces him to be a pacifist. Limited power or not, Brook did a lot of hard work this chapter to take care of them, and Eryk returns the favor by binding up his wounds. Very sweet.
Wait...I just thought of something. Did their captors not notice Brook's white hair? Maybe they didn't know the significance of it or notice it because Brook is wearing a hood? Doesn't matter at this point I guess. Though I wonder if we'll be seeing Leaderman and his crew later...and if they'll meet a fitting end...
I'm rather curious to see how the story will proceed now. Myka hurt and broken, Eryk swamped by pain, and a Bender with a broken arm to protect them...what will they do now and where can they go? Actually, why are Myka and Eryk traveling so far from their home? Okay, okay I'll be patient and wait for the answers.
3/28/2015 c6 WaterBudget
What bothers me is that Brook didn't think to put the scumbags to sleep BEFORE they hurt Myka. He said he can't Bend strongly enough to save them right away, so his power needs time to work? I don't remember Brook's logic otherwise in waiting. Brook also seems eerily calm to me. Even if he is the sort to stay calm in a bad situation, his lack of emotion especially with Eryk crying near him was unusual.
Also, if I were Eryk and Brook, I would have slit the throats of the entire group both to prevent any further victims and to prevent pursuit. (Would I feel guilty afterwards? A bit scared of myself? Probably). But that would make this story jump from T to M, wouldn't it? Plus it's a bit too gruesome for a romance.
Anyway, Brook's objection because they didn't have time for it seems like an excuse. It makes me wonder if he has an ethical objection to killing or didn't want Eryk to perpetuate the violence/carry the weight of killing people? I'm going to go with that.
Brook redeems himself a little at the end by staying and fighting. He could have easily abandoned Myka and Eryk after all.
Both Myka and Eryk seem to be in shock, but hopefully, this ordeal will lead to a great deal of hurt/comfort that will make their bond even stronger.
What bothers me is that Brook didn't think to put the scumbags to sleep BEFORE they hurt Myka. He said he can't Bend strongly enough to save them right away, so his power needs time to work? I don't remember Brook's logic otherwise in waiting. Brook also seems eerily calm to me. Even if he is the sort to stay calm in a bad situation, his lack of emotion especially with Eryk crying near him was unusual.
Also, if I were Eryk and Brook, I would have slit the throats of the entire group both to prevent any further victims and to prevent pursuit. (Would I feel guilty afterwards? A bit scared of myself? Probably). But that would make this story jump from T to M, wouldn't it? Plus it's a bit too gruesome for a romance.
Anyway, Brook's objection because they didn't have time for it seems like an excuse. It makes me wonder if he has an ethical objection to killing or didn't want Eryk to perpetuate the violence/carry the weight of killing people? I'm going to go with that.
Brook redeems himself a little at the end by staying and fighting. He could have easily abandoned Myka and Eryk after all.
Both Myka and Eryk seem to be in shock, but hopefully, this ordeal will lead to a great deal of hurt/comfort that will make their bond even stronger.