
5/16/2014 c2
18cud-b-better
Well I get the feeling Mela married him to avoid her other engagement. Out of curiosity was that elven language just some random gibberish or does it have a format (cud cares about trivialities)? For some reason I'm starting to feel that Satomu might be a reverse trap, probably my imagination.

Well I get the feeling Mela married him to avoid her other engagement. Out of curiosity was that elven language just some random gibberish or does it have a format (cud cares about trivialities)? For some reason I'm starting to feel that Satomu might be a reverse trap, probably my imagination.
5/16/2014 c1 cud-b-better
Oh, I get the feeling I read this before, but oh well. Well I think this was quite a good first chapter there are one or two typos like [tack] instead of [track] but it doesn't ruin the reading experience. The character introductions went a little over my head (in the respect I'm not going to remember who did what) although for some reason I liked that lets make the drill bigger comment. And the main character has just gone and got himself married, I'm sure he'll be over the moon about that.
Oh, I get the feeling I read this before, but oh well. Well I think this was quite a good first chapter there are one or two typos like [tack] instead of [track] but it doesn't ruin the reading experience. The character introductions went a little over my head (in the respect I'm not going to remember who did what) although for some reason I liked that lets make the drill bigger comment. And the main character has just gone and got himself married, I'm sure he'll be over the moon about that.
5/16/2014 c2
19dmasterxd
Dang! This is seriously one awesome story! I was able to get a good grasp on all the character personalities, which is hard to do in any story. Also I really like Kensui because I find him very relatable. Some of his lube cracked me up too like when Yusuke asked him of he knew what they were gonna do to him and he's all like "treat them to dinner?" Lol priceless! And dang the principal must be a serious boss, I wanna see him fight for real. I also like how you make this kind of like an anime with the opening, ending and preview. Awesome job!

Dang! This is seriously one awesome story! I was able to get a good grasp on all the character personalities, which is hard to do in any story. Also I really like Kensui because I find him very relatable. Some of his lube cracked me up too like when Yusuke asked him of he knew what they were gonna do to him and he's all like "treat them to dinner?" Lol priceless! And dang the principal must be a serious boss, I wanna see him fight for real. I also like how you make this kind of like an anime with the opening, ending and preview. Awesome job!
4/7/2014 c1
13360pages
It's has a pretty good start, at a few points it's a little dialog heavy, but really it's to be expected with chapters of a certain length, dialog is an overall faster way to move a plot along than just descriptions and it seems you wanted to get to the meat of the story quickly. Which is a good things.

It's has a pretty good start, at a few points it's a little dialog heavy, but really it's to be expected with chapters of a certain length, dialog is an overall faster way to move a plot along than just descriptions and it seems you wanted to get to the meat of the story quickly. Which is a good things.
2/9/2014 c5
20Ventracere
This is a little out of what I'm used to reading. Since this is more of a manga style type of story, I think you do a great job with telling the story straight from the dialogue. I love how You are able to explore how Kensui feels through his thoughts, and it comes off of just that. It's relatively difficult to do so, especially since you're relying mainly on what your characters are saying to drive the already dialogue heavy piece.
That said, I think because this is a dialogue heavy story, you're a little lacking when it comes to details. It's not necessarily a bad thing, this way your readers are distracted with imaging what the setting looks like. When you do tell us what is going on, you're clear about it, like when Mela is running down the track. I think you can illuminate a little more of what is surrounding your characters as well as show us a little more of what makes these events in the story happen without just telling us. Show us. Another thing, don't be afraid to vary your sentences a little. I think at points when you aren't writing dialogue, you are writing a lot more short sentences. When this happens too often, it slows down the pacing and reads a little stunted.
Good job though!

This is a little out of what I'm used to reading. Since this is more of a manga style type of story, I think you do a great job with telling the story straight from the dialogue. I love how You are able to explore how Kensui feels through his thoughts, and it comes off of just that. It's relatively difficult to do so, especially since you're relying mainly on what your characters are saying to drive the already dialogue heavy piece.
That said, I think because this is a dialogue heavy story, you're a little lacking when it comes to details. It's not necessarily a bad thing, this way your readers are distracted with imaging what the setting looks like. When you do tell us what is going on, you're clear about it, like when Mela is running down the track. I think you can illuminate a little more of what is surrounding your characters as well as show us a little more of what makes these events in the story happen without just telling us. Show us. Another thing, don't be afraid to vary your sentences a little. I think at points when you aren't writing dialogue, you are writing a lot more short sentences. When this happens too often, it slows down the pacing and reads a little stunted.
Good job though!
2/6/2014 c1
3This Guy Again
I've never read any kind of fiction like this before, kind of anime-ish, so I don't really have much to compare it against. Sorry if I say something that doesn't really apply to this kind of writing!
Anyway, I didn't see many (if any at all) spelling or grammar mistakes, so that's always good! It flowed fairly well too, once I got my head around all the character perspective changes. The plot moved along well and we got to learn a fair bit about the main character too, so those are both good points. One complaint I have is that the opening section seemed a little bit clunky to me, so it might be worth refining it and making it a bit smoother.
-from the roadhouse

I've never read any kind of fiction like this before, kind of anime-ish, so I don't really have much to compare it against. Sorry if I say something that doesn't really apply to this kind of writing!
Anyway, I didn't see many (if any at all) spelling or grammar mistakes, so that's always good! It flowed fairly well too, once I got my head around all the character perspective changes. The plot moved along well and we got to learn a fair bit about the main character too, so those are both good points. One complaint I have is that the opening section seemed a little bit clunky to me, so it might be worth refining it and making it a bit smoother.
-from the roadhouse
2/1/2014 c5
9The13TalesOfHamjou
I love this! So much d'awww!
*glomps* :3
Please continue such great work! I'll be looking forward to it!
Tootles!
-Jessie

I love this! So much d'awww!
*glomps* :3
Please continue such great work! I'll be looking forward to it!
Tootles!
-Jessie
1/4/2014 c1
6Darth Zannacross
Eh, this story is not really my kind of thing. Liked the bit about the drill though.

Eh, this story is not really my kind of thing. Liked the bit about the drill though.
12/13/2013 c1
4survivaliststeel
I never was that big into the whole anime/manga thing, but after being "persuaded" to look at some of the anime stories on this site, I have to say that by far, yours is the best one I've read so far! You put so much thought and detail into your characters, which is amazing! I could never write anything compared to this. I must say that I look forward to reading more of your work and hope that you have a wonderful day!

I never was that big into the whole anime/manga thing, but after being "persuaded" to look at some of the anime stories on this site, I have to say that by far, yours is the best one I've read so far! You put so much thought and detail into your characters, which is amazing! I could never write anything compared to this. I must say that I look forward to reading more of your work and hope that you have a wonderful day!