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for Sonnet 1

7/24/2006 c1 2Dawn's-End
this definitely isn't a sonnet as it lacks the requisite rhythm... however you are correct in your assertion that the rhyme scheme is Spenserian and not Shakespearean. Just because it doesn't fit form doesn't mean that it isn't still very good and it is the only attempt I've seen thus far at spenserian form
6/6/2006 c1 185Deluded
haha, i'm afraid to say, they have a point. it's a great poem, it's got the feeling behind it. however... call me a hypocrite, but fiddling with the number of iambs makes it a non-sonnet. BTW, this isn't masochistic at all. Try writing a ballade or a villanelle.
2/25/2006 c1 8Uhala
Would this qualify as a sonnet, since the lines aren't in iambic pentameter? The world may never know.
2/8/2005 c1 46Victim of the Wraith
You nailed the Shakespearean sonnet form very well. If you wish to broaden you horizons I suggest you take a look at the Italian Sonnets. I have yet to write any but I hear that have a different rythem than what you have here.

Other than that. The imagry was beautiful. Very Shakespearean and very courtly love.
6/19/2003 c1 23suckerplucker
Your rhyme scheme is very successful, but his is still not a sonnet.

Your whole poem is in iambic tetrameter, not pentameter. So your very close, but still not there. Just add one more iamb to each line.

Also, you poem suffers for your rhyme scheme. Your so comitted to ending with a certain word, that a potentially great poem is reduced to a mildly incoherent stream of consciousness (albeit a rhyming one).


6/12/2001 c1 Honesty
This is excellent, the 2nd quatrain particularly. & I can really identify with the uncertainty of love.
4/15/2001 c1 Guess
Have you seen that nice long review I left for "Block"? Well, that was a fluke. You see, I'm really quite insane. Most of my reviews are actually rants totally unrelated to the work I'm reviewing. I'll try to avoid doing those, but they're so much fun most of the time! (Hey, I'm only 13, here. For gads sake, my favorite word is "Dude") I like this form of poetry. It doesn't seem all that difficult. I think it would be easier because I tend to have more lines ending with the same rhyme scheme than I could possibly use. This form will let me use all of them! Well now. What I wrote wasn't a rant, but it wasn't really a review, either. See? Compromise! Have a nice day.
4/9/2001 c1 4Unicraze
Huzzah to your poetry bug! This is very good. You pulled off the rhyme scheme nicely, as well as some other good stuff-I love the second stanza. (Although I don't know if doves are really airy, unless they're just, you know, ethereal.)
12/10/2000 c1 theoretical gutter
*sniff* that was cute.
11/11/2000 c1 23Ice Dragoness
Wow, that was touching. Keep writing, okay?
6/6/2000 c1 102Shino Yume
That was wonderful! I love sonnets, but I'm aweful at writing them! You used the rhyme sceam very well, without making it sound corny. Bravo! I applaud you!

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