12/19/2013 c1 4Jitterbug Blues
Hmm, this is an interesting premise, but I think you really need to edit/revise this again. While I like your detailed writing style, I think your prose could use a lot of work. There are numerous errors sprinkled throughout the text, but that's not really what bothered about this piece (I mean that the errors were mostly small and nothing really ...annoying; your details are nice too, and you definitely know how to set up a scene.)

Everything just seems very rushed? While reading this, I felt like chasing after a car, missing out important details and even wanting to stop because you deliver everything so quickly - especially towards the latter half. The first half of the story was okay, up until that confrontation scene with the woman, but the latter half just seemed very rushed and I didn't feel invested in the story because everything happened so quickly (especially towards the end; her lover goes from blaming her to ... accepting their reunion?).

So really, just work on the pace, I guess?

One thing I liked: the vulgarity and descriptions of the City were cool, but I guess I'd have preferred shorter chapters or if you'd just cut up this story into various segments/parts.

Sorry for the harsher feedback, but I'm just trying to be as constructive as possible.