for Elements of a fated connection3/26/2017 c5 Non name
Your fiction is perfect i just can't wait for the next chapter . You know how to put suspens .
Please continue writing never stop because your really godd at that and thanks for posting that fiction
I really hope that Mika will suceed in escaping
Your fiction is perfect i just can't wait for the next chapter . You know how to put suspens .
Please continue writing never stop because your really godd at that and thanks for posting that fiction
I really hope that Mika will suceed in escaping
1/22/2016 c34 SlaahLover
I'm saddened by the path this story took. It could have been an amazing story of supernatural battles of the elements, but instead turned into a high school drama. What a letdown. It's like the story of the elemental abilities was just a throwaway for a blase story of teenage angst.
I also expected that their first true coupling would result in increased abilities, maybe telepathy between one another. Possibly the ability to channel each other's elements for increased power.
So sad. I really saw some amazing potential, but just found myself quickly scrolling through the last 10 chapters or so.
Good luck and I hope you'll learn to grow these amazing ideas into something tangible and enjoyable for adults to read.
I'm saddened by the path this story took. It could have been an amazing story of supernatural battles of the elements, but instead turned into a high school drama. What a letdown. It's like the story of the elemental abilities was just a throwaway for a blase story of teenage angst.
I also expected that their first true coupling would result in increased abilities, maybe telepathy between one another. Possibly the ability to channel each other's elements for increased power.
So sad. I really saw some amazing potential, but just found myself quickly scrolling through the last 10 chapters or so.
Good luck and I hope you'll learn to grow these amazing ideas into something tangible and enjoyable for adults to read.
1/22/2016 c10 SlashLover
I like this story, typos and all. It has a gentle sweetness and the potential to be powerfully hot once they bond fully.
I like this story, typos and all. It has a gentle sweetness and the potential to be powerfully hot once they bond fully.
7/3/2015 c15 Guest
I truly enjoy this story, but I am somewhat people are able to use elemental powers, but they don't seem to be a big part of their actual lives. Besides in school, but job wise, it has nothing to do with their powers. You would think that powers like that would play a huge part in their everyday life. But I am not that far into the story, so what do I know! Aside from that I love the story,especially the elite mate makes it that more special if you find that person!
I truly enjoy this story, but I am somewhat people are able to use elemental powers, but they don't seem to be a big part of their actual lives. Besides in school, but job wise, it has nothing to do with their powers. You would think that powers like that would play a huge part in their everyday life. But I am not that far into the story, so what do I know! Aside from that I love the story,especially the elite mate makes it that more special if you find that person!
8/22/2014 c17 Guest
I dont know if its too late to be doing this. But you always ask for reviews, and since im loving this story so much i wanted you to know it.
I have a huge crush on alvine. So cute.
But im so in love with Z-rex that i just cant stop.
I dont know if its too late to be doing this. But you always ask for reviews, and since im loving this story so much i wanted you to know it.
I have a huge crush on alvine. So cute.
But im so in love with Z-rex that i just cant stop.
8/3/2014 c3 
1Cheddar-Graham
I like cats! But can’t have them cause my doggies don’t play nice. Hellica is a very macho name but the kitty in question sounds really cuddly! So Mika is kind of Zef’s sleeping pill, huh? That’s a great plot idea. Looks set for more bed sharing! And er... other stuff.
1Cheddar-GrahamI like cats! But can’t have them cause my doggies don’t play nice. Hellica is a very macho name but the kitty in question sounds really cuddly! So Mika is kind of Zef’s sleeping pill, huh? That’s a great plot idea. Looks set for more bed sharing! And er... other stuff.
8/3/2014 c4 Cheddar-Graham
Eee... Mika got to ogle shirtless men! I’m jealous. Heh, Mika is just oozing uke vibes (pardon me if you don’t like the term). But why did Hellica go for Zef if it’s supposed to be an obedient warcat? Maybe it was jealous of Zef too, since it seems to like Mika very much? :D
Eee... Mika got to ogle shirtless men! I’m jealous. Heh, Mika is just oozing uke vibes (pardon me if you don’t like the term). But why did Hellica go for Zef if it’s supposed to be an obedient warcat? Maybe it was jealous of Zef too, since it seems to like Mika very much? :D
8/3/2014 c2 Cheddar-Graham
Ooh... bed-sharing already? You sure move fast, Mika. ;p I'm kinda surprised though. I thought it was Alvine who was gonna get paired up with Mika and Zef was maybe gonna be the dastardly villain.
Ooh... bed-sharing already? You sure move fast, Mika. ;p I'm kinda surprised though. I thought it was Alvine who was gonna get paired up with Mika and Zef was maybe gonna be the dastardly villain.
6/30/2014 c30 Calla
Hi, love the story but just letting you know that in chapters 25 and 26, you go sometimes say dream is a girl and sometimes say boy in the wording of things
Hi, love the story but just letting you know that in chapters 25 and 26, you go sometimes say dream is a girl and sometimes say boy in the wording of things
5/24/2014 c1 Cheddar-Graham
Lockers the size of rooms! I SO want to be in this school! And I love the description of Zefrix as 'dominant'. Heh. Yeah, I bet he's gonna dominate Mika no end!
Lockers the size of rooms! I SO want to be in this school! And I love the description of Zefrix as 'dominant'. Heh. Yeah, I bet he's gonna dominate Mika no end!
4/9/2014 c33 14TheLadyOnTheMoon
So many feels in this ending. Love love love this story so freaking much! Can't wait for another story from you, you have talent :P
14TheLadyOnTheMoonSo many feels in this ending. Love love love this story so freaking much! Can't wait for another story from you, you have talent :P
4/7/2014 c33 spcecse7
I LOVE this ending. I see what you meant by a kinda open ending. Thank you for completing the story and not leaving us hanging : ) hope everything goes well for you.
I LOVE this ending. I see what you meant by a kinda open ending. Thank you for completing the story and not leaving us hanging : ) hope everything goes well for you.
4/7/2014 c33 4R. Ficst
Very nice work, you clearly gave a lot of time in dedication to this project. I congratulate you on your passion, hard work, and creativity - also on the drive it takes to start something like this and carry it through all the way to the end.
I'd like to offer a little constructive criticism from my opinion as a reader.
In your profile you mention grammar as a weakness of yours - this is clear in several ways, particularly in verb conjugation, and a few other places. Redundancy throws you off a bit, most noticeably in descriptions of eyes and looks. There are a few repeat scenarios with something along the lines of: "His brown eyes looked up with softness in his eyes." (Sorry I'm being lazy and not finding an actual specific example). This problem can be fixed with separating the description, one half mentioning the actual physical eyes, and the other half describing the action, (ie. look, gaze, stare, glare, observation, etc.). So my poor example could be fixed by turning it into: "His brown eyes looked up with softness in his gaze." Further improvements can alter the description along the same lines: "His brown eyes looked up, softness in their depths." "His brown eyes flicked to mine, their softness capturing my heart." And so on and so forth.
However, while distracting, these flaws are not a deal breaker, and you actually write quite nicely, with varied sentence length and structure.
You capture emotions pretty well, particularly humor, affection, and lust. You have a good sense for your characters, and write conversations and banter well. You also pace the story nicely; character backstory, friends, and family are introduced and maintained fairly well.
Your world-building is also quite creative and intriguing, with the concept of the basic elements, and the existence of elites, warcats, and mates.
In my opinion, this story would be most improved by taking this first draft as a skeleton of their romantic progression, and inserting more training and action sequences. The first demonstration fight on the stage is great, and the later snowball fight is a fun way to show their everyday use of elemental powers. We'd love to see more of what comes from your set up, outside of multiple pairings/romances. You mentioned the stone golem power, and we see Mika guard his wrists from flame so that his bindings can be burnt off, but aside from casual mention that they're still regularly attending classes, we never see any more development on this front. Let's see Mika come into his powers. Does he have the potential for full-body stone golem without the powers of an elite? Are elites only ever born that way, or can someone develop secondary powers at a later point in their life? If you could create a basic non-romance plotline and then superimpose it on this existing romance story, with the two woven together, and a bit of editing, I think you have the potential for a masterpiece.
Anyway, I hope you don't mind my suggestions. Some can be taken as general advice, applicable to any future writing projects.
I did really enjoy this story, and with as much as I and others liked it, and as much as you yourself like it, if you have the interest, I'd love to see what you could do with it if you eventually came back to rework it.
If you know what I'm saying and are interested in the idea, I might have some suggestions for that secondary plotline I mentioned. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it. If you have an idea of your own, run with it and let me know so I can come back and read what you create!
In any case, thank you so much for posting and sharing your work on this site. I enjoyed reading the story, and I think you have a lot of potential as a writer.
Best of luck to you in life and in any and all future writing endeavours!
4R. FicstVery nice work, you clearly gave a lot of time in dedication to this project. I congratulate you on your passion, hard work, and creativity - also on the drive it takes to start something like this and carry it through all the way to the end.
I'd like to offer a little constructive criticism from my opinion as a reader.
In your profile you mention grammar as a weakness of yours - this is clear in several ways, particularly in verb conjugation, and a few other places. Redundancy throws you off a bit, most noticeably in descriptions of eyes and looks. There are a few repeat scenarios with something along the lines of: "His brown eyes looked up with softness in his eyes." (Sorry I'm being lazy and not finding an actual specific example). This problem can be fixed with separating the description, one half mentioning the actual physical eyes, and the other half describing the action, (ie. look, gaze, stare, glare, observation, etc.). So my poor example could be fixed by turning it into: "His brown eyes looked up with softness in his gaze." Further improvements can alter the description along the same lines: "His brown eyes looked up, softness in their depths." "His brown eyes flicked to mine, their softness capturing my heart." And so on and so forth.
However, while distracting, these flaws are not a deal breaker, and you actually write quite nicely, with varied sentence length and structure.
You capture emotions pretty well, particularly humor, affection, and lust. You have a good sense for your characters, and write conversations and banter well. You also pace the story nicely; character backstory, friends, and family are introduced and maintained fairly well.
Your world-building is also quite creative and intriguing, with the concept of the basic elements, and the existence of elites, warcats, and mates.
In my opinion, this story would be most improved by taking this first draft as a skeleton of their romantic progression, and inserting more training and action sequences. The first demonstration fight on the stage is great, and the later snowball fight is a fun way to show their everyday use of elemental powers. We'd love to see more of what comes from your set up, outside of multiple pairings/romances. You mentioned the stone golem power, and we see Mika guard his wrists from flame so that his bindings can be burnt off, but aside from casual mention that they're still regularly attending classes, we never see any more development on this front. Let's see Mika come into his powers. Does he have the potential for full-body stone golem without the powers of an elite? Are elites only ever born that way, or can someone develop secondary powers at a later point in their life? If you could create a basic non-romance plotline and then superimpose it on this existing romance story, with the two woven together, and a bit of editing, I think you have the potential for a masterpiece.
Anyway, I hope you don't mind my suggestions. Some can be taken as general advice, applicable to any future writing projects.
I did really enjoy this story, and with as much as I and others liked it, and as much as you yourself like it, if you have the interest, I'd love to see what you could do with it if you eventually came back to rework it.
If you know what I'm saying and are interested in the idea, I might have some suggestions for that secondary plotline I mentioned. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it. If you have an idea of your own, run with it and let me know so I can come back and read what you create!
In any case, thank you so much for posting and sharing your work on this site. I enjoyed reading the story, and I think you have a lot of potential as a writer.
Best of luck to you in life and in any and all future writing endeavours!
4/6/2014 c20 412Chie
Seriously honey, when you tell us this story probably will reach 200k, I was already promised myself to always waiting no matter how long. And with this announcement you've made, I'll tell you, I respect your decision, tough a bit disappointed. Cheers up, kay! Take your time and face the real life! Wish you will become strong and happy.
And if someday you'll decide you want to write again, just do it. You'll find there's someone out there who's appreciate your work.
Once again, cheers up and thank you for all your hardwork all this time. Keep smiling and be optimize! It's...sad you know, T_T
Really, thanks...
Seriously honey, when you tell us this story probably will reach 200k, I was already promised myself to always waiting no matter how long. And with this announcement you've made, I'll tell you, I respect your decision, tough a bit disappointed. Cheers up, kay! Take your time and face the real life! Wish you will become strong and happy.
And if someday you'll decide you want to write again, just do it. You'll find there's someone out there who's appreciate your work.
Once again, cheers up and thank you for all your hardwork all this time. Keep smiling and be optimize! It's...sad you know, T_T
Really, thanks...