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for The Journey: Too Good to Be True

1/18/2014 c1 1Rose Specktor
Umm, wow. This certainly is mysterious. Alright, so a few grammar mistakes.
Original:
This was all happening at a fancy hotel rich kids payed for everyone and everything.
Revised:
This was all happening at a fancy hotel, which rich kids had payed for everyone and everything.
Original:
"Hey, Demetrius", Jay called. "Bring Shannon over here".
Revised:
"Hey, Demetrius," Jay called. "Bring Shannon over here."

Actually, the quotes, I think, are the main grammar mistakes. You put the commas and periods outside of the quotes, but they are supposed to be inside. All in all, an interesting story.

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