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for Make-believe

2/10/2014 c1 38empressdawn
Hi :) I'm from the Review Game and I hope you find this constructive

I lovedlovedloved your prose. It was almost intangible and gave a dream-like quality to this piece. There was a sort of cliffhanger at the end - there was a sense of not being satisfied by the ending which really fit in with the theme (which i take to be make-believe)

The way you begin and end with la mer ties the story up with a neat bow - connects the dots, if you will. It fits (i just have to keep on saying this) with the story.

My one problem, though, is the numbers. I think I know why they're there but I'm not sure so could you make your system of division clearer? As of now, I think you mean to about you in relation to your mysterious obsession. It's a bit hazy, though. You could perhaps relate all these things together in the end? (e.g. this was me and that was her)

Overall, great writing and phrasing. Just one small problem with the numbering.

2/9/2014 c1 2QuirkyDreamer
I love this poem! I really liked your style of writing, because it was very flowy and worked well with the piece. For example, you had lots of commas weaved in the sentences, but you didn't have many run-ons. However, one thing I didn't like was the format, because it confused me. What did the numbers mean, and why did you divide it?

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