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8/29/2020 c1 34Starart152
This is a nice chapter to introduce the main characters and also what kind of people they are. The fact that they had little hesitation in kidnapping a girl to find their target and that girl herself isn't afraid of her predicaments is fun.

Selwyn and Edelweiss are an interesting duo with their interactions and Wendy is going to sprinkle a little more in their dynamic until they find that Crow.
7/20/2014 c4 10taerkitty
What? You're no longer returning reviews?! How dare you!

Okay, that's out of the way, moving on.

Looks like we're back in Engelia with Selwyn before he became ambassador. Okay, he's still good with a blade, and he's doing the trope-y thing of standing up to the bullies and ruffians.

Ah, but he's a knight and he's beating up a taxman. That means he's a bit of a dolt for doing that. I wonder how he becomes an ambassador after this.

"That's it, no more puns for me for a while."

Yeah, the self-awareness doesn't work for me.

And we have Edel(weiss)' intro. It works, time wise. My fears this is being plotted extemporaneously is not being quieted by this chapter. I'm unsure if there is any way to make Selwyn an ambassador at this point that doesn't shatter my suspension of disbelief.
7/20/2014 c3 taerkitty
'He acted by peer instinct'

*Pure* instinct.

'"Right now, we've got some monsters to take down if we're gonna save this town!"'

Unless, of course, they're all Leers.

'"I shall require a tribute if I am to help."'

Odd. I was expecting she would feed on him, not some sort of magical flow. Interesting.

'The young swordsman raised his sword, preparing to strike down an enemy; instead, Yakitori crept into sight of his vision. '

I was expecting this to turn out to be a Leer-in-disguise. Thanks for not playing to that cliche.

'"Outta the way, Yaks!"' / '"Next time you do that, warn me ahead of time!"'

Initially reading this, I thought this was something they had done before, that Yak leaped aside by rote and routine. I think the sentence with his charge and then changing direction was ordered wrong - he did that, then we hear Selwyn calling his warning cry.

The fight is well-written and very fast. You have a fluid and direct style, much like what I commented on for ORCHID.

I'm very pleased that the main characters are not invulnerable, infallible, and otherwise perfectly-boring in combat. Seeing them take damage shows courage and creativity.

The ending is a little abrupt, and more than a little confusing. Wendy kills the Leer about to kill Selwyn, so she can kill him instead?

And then we have the jump back to Shirley and .. Edelweiss?
7/20/2014 c2 taerkitty
We see that Selwyn is a skilled, ruthless, and efficient fighter. At the end of it, though, I'm left wondering why the fight was there - what was learned? That his homeland is also after him?

There's a bit of self-awareness/genre-awareness that feels forced and out-of-place. Either that, or I'm reading it with the wrong expectations. This seems to be a little too much parody for something that tries to be so serious.

'"I've got business with them," Selwyn answered vaguely, his voice low.'

This has me wondering if the story is being written off-the-cuff or not. It felt a little unfocused up to this point, and this quote only seems to confirm it.

"Leer have not been found this deep within the borders of Jurmania for over a hundred years," added Edelweiss. "You must be mistaken."'

Famous last words.

Good cliffhanger ending.
7/20/2014 c1 taerkitty
Opens in the middle of things, and leaves me a bit confused as to who these people are, why they're doing what they're doing, and if I should cheer for them or not. It draws me in, but leaves me guarded.

Edel(weiss) struck me as a creature more than human even before the reveal she was a vampire. She's a bit archetypical in description, but her demeanor isn't as aloof as many others are. She makes a decent foil for Selwyn.

Wendy's approach is odd, as is the rest of her reactions to being kidnapped.

In all, the chapter leaves me with a lot of questions. That's good. However, they seem almost contradictory, so I'm not sure what to expect in the following chapters. That's not so good.
7/20/2014 c1 20DevilPogoStick
Well, it seems right off the bat that Selwyn and Edelweiss are not going to be your typical heroes. More like early Han Solo and Chewbacca from the looks of things.

The setting of a fantasy land does feel pretty vast as in doesn't feel restricted to a town and in fantasy, that's a good thing alright. And plotwise, the build up is great, as there is potential chances of danger and a goal in mind (having Wendy lead Selwyn and Edel to Crow...While being hunted down for the whole kidnapping bit).

So far so good. :)

Keep it up!
7/20/2014 c4 3Katsurou Shimizu
Ah, the angsty flashback chapter. Sounds like my cup of tea. *Eats biscuits and strokes bread*

Ah, the political vibes that make ORCHID such a hit are in full force here, except that Selwyn wasn't given a break from the get go at all. His middleman role is reminiscent of those army sergeants; fucking up the recruits, only to get fucked by the lieutenants for fucking them around (Pardon my language, but Selwyn's colourful mode of expression is influencing me)

Nuuu, I wanted that ship to happen just so Edelweiss can go, "Caterwwwyyn is Canon. With that said and done, let me celebrate by drinking your blood."

Stanley was what Nathaniel Maxwell would have turned out to be if he is... nevermind. Edgify him plox.

Puns galore. That reminds me of your introduction in RAOSC. (*w*)

That ending of the execution scene is a cruel irony of Selwyn's helpless "cowardice". Cruel yet nicely done.

My answer to Edelweiss's question: "Yes please, with a coffee kiss as a side."
7/20/2014 c3 Katsurou Shimizu
What a way to make my triumphant return to Trollville, to get trolled by a connoisseur of trolls myself.

How should I begin?

Gruesome imagery. Check. Cinematic action scenes. Check. Code Geass (With a slight dash of FMA) References. Check. Main Character joining the Everlasting Ebony club. Check. Mindscrew... Plus Cliffy. Check until I need to order new boxes from the warehouse.

Yep, that's the Wong I know all right (*w*)

In relation to your SC question about the portrayal of protagonists, I actually find Selwyn to be warped, splitting image of Azure, or at least, what the latter would turn out to be if he took Roland's place in Bondage Adventures. Yes, he fits more of an anti-hero archetype as compared to the more wishy washy compatriot, but their motivations are actually similar (Especially inherent in Selwyn's desperate monologues) in the sense that the tragic experiences they had experienced spurred them on to have a certain desire to effect change on their current situations. Whether those desires are proactive and effective enough remains to be seen, and it is for this reason I will cease my strangely non-trolling spiel and head off to the next chapter.

P.S. Wendy must have gotten drunk from all the fog and thought Selwyn to be a BBW.
7/19/2014 c4 xXxd
Selwyn should have asked Lord Stanley if he could be his marriage partner instead, now that Shirley is being casted aside. A pun that would result in a totally different genre.

This flashback definitely cut in at a good timing. It was nice to see how Selwyn was before the life-changing incident happened, which then changed him to who he was and his goal in the first chapter.
7/19/2014 c3 xXxd
A nice treat for a chapter devoted to battle, the flow and transformation was nice, and I liked how the battle eventually focused on Selwyn, which gave some insight of his past. That said, the second half felt a bit draggy, probably due to the sentence wording.
7/17/2014 c1 1Kazulous
I'm starting to think you have a bit of a thing for flowers. Orchid, Rose, Edelweiss, Poppy... but well, everyone has a thing for something, I guess.

The first thing I thought at the beginning was that Selwyn was one hell of a guy. It felt like he doesn't seem beyond spilling someone's guts and leaving them dead on the pavement for someone else to clean up. He's giving me those anti-hero vibes already, which is a refreshing difference from Azure from Orchid (as far as I remember). Edelweiss seemed pretty 'straightforward' in this regard too, haha. The past was one hell of a time period to live in, huh.

The way you describe the town they're in reminds me of the renaissance in an alternate reality. I guess what cemented this was the way you made them speak. I've never been too picky about what time period in history a story takes place, but the renaissance, the modern era and the future have always been my favourites.

"Nope, sorry there, young fella. I'd also advise you to hit the road before this witch over here turns you into a puddle of red stuff. She eats kids like you for breakfast."
I chuckled at this. Run little boy, run. Edelweiss is a Shotacon-

When the gunshot went off, did Edelweiss shoot Graham dead or dying or fire a warning shot? I never really understood completely what transpired there. Perhaps the thud of a body would clear things up a bit, but that is just a suggestion.

"Oh man, if they write a book about my life I hope they don't start with this, because kidnapping little girls isn't exactly a great first impression!"
Selwyn the Lolicon. Oh this is glorious, both protagonists are pedophiles! (hahaha)

I think Wendy is my favourite so far (Oh shit, have I become a Lolicon?!-). She is just so... weird. A wizened mind on young shoulders, I felt.

Whenever Edelweiss goes 'Seeelwynnnn' I imagine it more as a lisp instead of a drawn out speech for some reason, haha. Later down when I realised she was a 'mana' sucking vampire it just made the lisp unintentionally funnier. Cudos to Selwyn for not paying attention to it, I guess. That, or perhaps its a bad idea to laugh at a woman who could quite literally suck you dry.

I found the ending interesting too, leaving us with an open ended statement. Who is crow? Why do they want him? Only one way to find out.
7/13/2014 c1 1Nori-san
Awww you're so lucky Jax-chan beta read for you when she rejected my request :( but anyways, I rather enjoyed this work a lot, the first chapter gave me a rather nice first impression and even though nothing much is established at the moment, I'm sure the story is much darker than it seems right now!
7/13/2014 c3 1sugar honey iced tea
I think I was planning to review the latest chapters at some point but forgot. However, through the power of Story Club, I have finally remembered to do so *w*

Dat ending. I think I'll talk about that near the end of my review.

Selwyn's desperation and hopelessness really gives a good effect to us readers, and really makes him a more relatable character. I think I talked about characterisation in Chapter 1 briefly...you've definitely got a full spectrum of emotions here.

I have to say though, I love your prose. Love it. Every word seems to be picked correctly for each sentence and there's no sense of awkwardness. It 'flows' well. There are one or two words which I personally don't like, e.g. 'Yakitori rose from the ground, shakily'. Like I didn't really catch on with the adverb 'shakily', and I would have replaced it with shaking, or maybe say 'Yakitori rose from the ground; both knees shaking.' Eh, but that's just my opinion.

I think my favourite aspect of this chapter was the pacing, and the climax of it all. At first the fight scene was seemingly generic: good guys VS bad guys. That gave way to a slow start for the chapter and dragged on a bit, but was still complemented by wonderful descriptions. But then it got intense when Selwyn felt this sense of not being able to defeat the Leers. And as characters started to fall in dismay, despair settled in.

And oh my Selwyn. His sudden silencing really with a certain vampire's appearance at the end, acts as a great cliffy.

Good stuff, Wong!
7/12/2014 c4 4Lolitroy
Sewlyn flashback. Shirley sister. Shirley naisu person. Shirley dies a bloody death.
...why am I not surprised?

So many people with name starting in an S here. Ohmai. Stanley's by far the one I like the less. Stupid yandere.
And then she comes and asks him to suck her blood.

It is realistic though, the whole thing. But he died or something. And you don't update frequently based on what I've seen.
*sets on fire*
7/12/2014 c1 4Kevin Reaves
This is a very interesting story, unlike other stories on here I am very into this. I don't know a lot about the characters yet, but I can say that Selwyn and Edelweiss have a sort of interesting background that I can't wait to explore. Keep up the amazing work Wong. You've earned a follower.
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