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9/15/2014 c5 4A. Ceravolo
Sorry I took so long to get to this but...well Destiny just came out.

Good chapter, there were some things I noticed but these are things I didn't notice in previous already rewritten chapters so there's probably no point in bringing it up.

Keep up the good work. Ta-ta.
9/11/2014 c2 3K. L. Boyer
I like Osborne as a character. He kind of reminds me modern day people;wanting to sleep late and forgetting something. I love the descriptive vocabulary you use to tell in what way your characters say or do something.
9/11/2014 c1 K. L. Boyer
I did read this chapter before actually, i just nrver moved on with reading, let alone putting up a review. It's hard for me to get into this story just yet, but that's just me. But it seems like an interesting story so far.
9/2/2014 c4 4A. Ceravolo
Good chapter, enjoying the character development.
Still a little confusing to switch from perspective to perspective because often when I read the voice of the character sticks...so yeah it gets a bit off in my head but still, good chapter.

I'll continue reading soon, hopefully. Keep it up.
8/16/2014 c1 metallover
So I'm going to leave a review JUST for the first chapter; that's what this is, it has no bearing on anything after it. Rest assured, though, I am reading it.
I'm hooked. It's like RIPD but with your own personal twist, and I like that.
I'm noticing a little lack of description for surroundings and environments straight off the bat; it's more of a personal preference, but I'm hoping to see some more description of environments later in the story. Your descriptions of your characters were lush and robust, so I hope to get some of that for locations, too.
The characters are already standing out to me, too, and having the whole 'not aging after death' thing just throws another level into the intrigue. I reserve judgement on how well you use this little factor for now, but I like what I see so far.
I'm going to keep reading over the weekend and maybe leave a review on Sunday once I get a little deeper into the story. I like what I've seen so far, though, so I'm kind of excited.
8/14/2014 c3 A. Ceravolo
That was a pretty exciting chapter.

One thing I forgot to mention last review is that I find it really strange when writers shorten things into things like "RotL." I understand it may be easier to write than "Realm of the Living" but it just looks pretty weird. At least for me.

Aside from that, great chapter, you described the action sequences extremely well, I found it all very easy to picture.

8/11/2014 c2 A. Ceravolo
So...both Chris and Skandar have blue eyes? I thought otherwise...no matter.

I, fortunately, don't have a hell of a lot to say aside from just comb over it with a keen editor's eye for a few, hard-to-notice mistakes.

One thing I will say is that switching between the characters in a single chapter is a little weird for me, personally. It's sort of like how a friend of mine switches from first person to third person for no discernible reason, I just keep asking the question "Wouldn't it be simpler to just stick to third person?" I feel like that would've been a possibility here, just go into third person, but it appears you're already 44 chapters into this story so it obviously worked out regardless.

Ta-ta, will be reading more soon.
8/11/2014 c1 A. Ceravolo
Hi there.
First thing I noticed was "...a creature bounds onto the path in front of me. I freeze, struggling to understand what's in front of me."
You used "in front of me" twice here and very close together. I don't know if it's an actual rule but this kind of repetition is something I at least notice.

"I want to move; I need to move. But my body isn't listening." You can combine these two, have it like: "I want to move; I need to move, but my body isn't listening." Just to make it less fragmented. it's something people have told me to try and avoid.

"After only a few months here. Osborne's already earned a record..."
I feel like you meant to put a comma there instead of a period. Small mistake, no big deal, just something to look at during an edit.

Overall, I like this story. Mostly Chris, he's an upbeat character and I tend to like those. As you can probably tell, I didn't have much to say in terms of actual editing, just some minor things like the same words being used so close together and the odd typo. The agency and how people are "recruited" into it is very interesting, and I like that you left out any details pertaining to that unless they were directly relevant, keeps the reader in the dark just enough.

I look forward to reading the next chapter, which will be...soon. I hope.
7/30/2014 c6 9Zoicite23
Doesn't Osborne belong in all of this? For all we know he could be one of the demons, although that might be far-fetched. Unless he really planned it out. Demons in the RotDA is a worrying thought. It sounds like you're really getting into your main plot now. I wonder if all demons are sentient in your story. The cazart they hunted in chapter 3 didn't talk at all, so maybe some are like animals and others like people? I guess you'd have to keep reading to figure it out. I've enjoyed the first six chapters though, even if you're still working on this story. Good job.
7/30/2014 c5 Zoicite23
This was interesting, I loved how you described Skandar's fighting reflexes and style. I don't know what you mean by Alex's squad and Os. These chapters are smaller and are numbered differently, so I'm guessing this is before you combined them at the beginning. Combining them seems like a good idea, a thousand words is the smallest I'd let one of my chapters get. I like how you've been building on the characters so far.
7/30/2014 c4 Zoicite23
Okay so it looks like time skips a little mid-way through this chapter. Do several demon types spit acid or is it just the Cazart? Because otherwise I think Heidi should have known what type of demon they were fighting if they had acid injuries. I like Laurel as a character, she's just refreshing in a way. And I like how you sneak in little bits of exposition through the test Osborne is taking. I'm not sure if time does skip in this chapter, maybe you could make it more clear or mention that time has passed at the start of a new chapter, but it's up to you. I don't see why you would need to skip a month and a half anyway, but I'll just keep reading.
7/30/2014 c3 Zoicite23
Well that was very graphic. The fight was well done. Osborne's definitely a hindrance haha, but I'm wondering if you plan on expanding his character to make him more likeable. Some of the technical terms I didn't understand like how you used 'magazine', I guess its amo or bullets or something for a type of gun. And maybe if you described the height of the building the Cazart was climbing I could picture it better because when Chris climbed up the fire escape and then managed to stab the demon I was thinking they were further apart. But cool fight, the acid spit was a nice touch.
7/30/2014 c2 Zoicite23
This is interesting. I wonder how Osborne's going to react to his first mission back in the RotL. And I'm curious for what the demons are going to be like. It's good how you're using this chapter to hint to the readers that potential disaster is ahead.
7/30/2014 c44 11Tenacious Archangel
I believe in you!
7/30/2014 c43 Tenacious Archangel
You guys! Your whole life is a chick flick movie. But with... demons. And stuff.
Actually, I'd watch the heck out of a chick flick movie that also had demons in it for some reason but was still based on feel-good girl friendship bonding.
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