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3/12/2014 c1 8ETK
RG Review
Overall well paced piece, lots of imagery here which fits well. Like the rhyming scheme which fits well for this kind of image poem, though I do think that it needs a little imagination.

"drastic" should be replaced: you need words that allow you to give the reader his own picture rather than just saying so. "is brand" should be are brand(grammar, sorry), and perhaps punctuation could be a bit clearer. There's a bit of redundancy here and there, "more lighter" being the most obvious one.

In all honesty, I would much prefer the imagery to be more subtle: use less pictures, and focus instead on using more detailed, smaller pictures. It will help your work be more profound to the reader, in my opinion, by placing him in your world and giving him the world to imagine.

Your rhyming scheme is nice though, as it does fit the sense you're going for, but one thing I'd like to add is the combination of a few more less solid rhymes: that is flowy rhymes ending in vowel sounds or something. That could really help.

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