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8/18/2014 c6 xxSongBirdxx
hey just waiting here for another chapter when your ready...
6/20/2014 c4 4Lolitroy
I like Mercedes.

Pet peeve: She isn't named after a car. It's a common name in Central America. Research, girl.
5/22/2014 c5 1echogirlcapri
[ If you're having trouble understanding why Iz is so annoyed at the fact that she can't hear Trent's thoughts, it's because she has a very strong need to figure things out. It's part of her personality. ] I understood that the first time around :) Did someone tell you this was confusing? I hope you don't feel the need to explain yourself in your author's notes. Let your story speak for itself :)

Really liked the kissing scene. It was cute. And, I appreciate seeing more of how Trent and Iz's personalities contrast through their conversation. Again, I think your character creation is very strong indeed, which is one of the reasons I like your story so much (aside from your captivating idea & writing style). This is really good!

On a side note, I love your chapter titles. Most authors skip those but I love having titles for the chapters I read. So nice job on that :) this one was a little lame, but then again it was the cliché boat scene :D

Cheers,
Capri
5/22/2014 c4 echogirlcapri
I've never heard of rowing as a sport. Canoeing maybe ... does this story take place in America? Sorry, I'm ignorant;)

I like how these people don't seem to approach Iz for no reason. It so often happens that random characters want to befriend the MC even if she's a jerk (not to say anything personal about Iz :P), and I find it highly unrealistic. But I enjoy how in your story, the characters who do interact with her give off an air of having ulterior motives, and they act suspicious enough to keep me on my toes. Good job with character development! You're good at that.

But, I still think their interaction could take place under some more exciting circumstances. Just a suggestion, but could some things start happening? I'm feeling cheated, like I'm getting tricked out of scenes where something worthwhile happens. Not to be mean, though, I love this story or I wouldn't be reading it :)

Keep it up!
-Capri
5/22/2014 c3 echogirlcapri
Here I am again from the Roadhouse!

So I have to say that while I enjoy the school setting, it's starting out rather boring. I mean, she goes to class? Yes, I've done that. Introductions? Yeah, done that too. The point is that I know what goes on in a classroom fairly well; I do it quite frequently! Maybe you could find a more interesting way to introduce the characters and setting? Or at least make something interesting happen while they're in class?

What I mean to say is that every scene should be important, and this one seemed like a filler. Make every scene worth the time it takes you to write it.

That being said, I really liked the interaction between Iz and Trent. I'm liking his character a lot, especially the awkwardness and uncomfortable way he acts around her. I'm a really bad guesser, but I'll take a shot at this one; Trent took the same classes as Iz on purpose because of something to do with her telepathy! Maybe he's a secret agent out to find out more about her? Or maybe (gasp) he's an alien!

Oh, wait. This isn't Sci-Fi :( I should really stop talking before I make more of a fool out of myself ;)

Well, can't wait to read more!
-Capri

PS: I'm not sure if I remember if you returned the review? I try to keep track.
5/17/2014 c5 13Temaire
Well I really like your opening chapter, very funny and made me want to click over to see what the reset would be. I know its not explicit but you might want to categorize this as m and not t

"He looks up at me from the bottom of the stairwell and I'm temporarily stunned by the brightness of his eyes. They're a deep blue and I wonder how I've noticed him at school before." Slight mix-up here.

I thought it was a little lazy that she thinks he is a swimmer and he turns out that he is.

erg is a typo since I looked it up and it says it represents sand dunes or the abbreviation of energy. in chapter 4

I really find it odd that there would be unlocked boats. people don't just leave thing like that in my world it would make more sense since you already alliterated that she comes to the lake to row she has her own and unlocks it or such.

I hope you find this review helpful and would love if you could reciprocate on my story sky touched or wind whisper.
4/29/2014 c5 5Zodia
I do find myself annoyed by Iz's behavior, but than I have to remind myself that flaws in the main protagonist are needed. You definitely need to give insight to the reader on why Iz needs to know why she can't read Trent's thoughts, but not in your Author's Notes section. If it's content related it's best to do it within the context of the story.

As for Trent, I am liking him more and more because out of the two his logic is something I find more comfortable with.

So Iz has green eyes huh? You going to give us more insight on what the rest of her looks like besides height and eye color?
4/29/2014 c4 Zodia
Okay let me get the subjective out of the way. Ahem . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love Mercedes! I am a bit like her too: blonde and bubbly. I am pretty random too. However I am a lot like Iz too. I am pretty complex. Trent intrigues me a lot.

Now for the objective. The story has a nice flow to it, but it does seem a bit rushed at times. First they're at school, than lunch comes around, and before I know it, it's evening. At least the dialogue is entertaining. Don't be afraid to lengthen things a bit though.
4/29/2014 c3 Zodia
It may be over 10 years since I've been in high school (coming up on 14 actually man), but I do remember loving the experience of it and I can related to Iz. I was a floater too having one or two friends but knew a lot of people. I was in a smaller school setting but it was similar to this. Anyway I did notice a few spelling issues, but it didn't detract from the story.

I like the different chars so far too. One thing has me confused though. Is Cole the red head? By the sentence where the teacher pointed to 'a red head' and the next being Cole talking, I wasn't clear if it was him or not just by how the sentences were structured. If it Cole, it would have been better to put his physical description in the paragraph where you talk about him a bit before the teacher starts talking. How you did the two sentences there it sounded like you talked about two different people. Cool story so far.
4/29/2014 c2 Zodia
Interesting start here. I would like to know what the main character looks like though. As much as I like complex stories, I enjoy a few simple ones and this sounds like one of those simple ones.

I don't see any grammatical errors so props there. Onto the next chapter hehe.
4/29/2014 c1 4Vamp712
Hi from the roadhouse,

I like the story so far, attention grabbing and very original. I haven't read anything like it before. It is a very good story with your writing style. It fits very nice. I am not the best at grammar or spelling but it looks and sounds like you are doing a good job so far.

One thing I recognize from personal writing experience, is that when I write I tell the reader what is happening by how I describe it instead of showing them. I need to fix that, but anyway what I am saying is that you do show the reader. Which makes your writing so much better and more understandable and enjoyable for the reader to picture.

Overall, my only suggestion is to read it out loud to check for flow. It sounds good to me so far though and I am going to continue reading your story. Good job:)
4/28/2014 c3 4Lolitroy
Again frpm Roadhouse *-*

Hmm, so a bit more insight into Iz. Other than her beign referred to as a "tomboy" in the first sentences and her trait about kissing (and possibly) sleeping a lot there's no remarkable trit somehow. She is, though, a likeable character so far, which is great considering you're breaking the party girl cliche, with her having few friends and not really recognized. I liked, though, that she somehow gave off this impression about being lonely without ever explicitly saying so. That' an awesome thing on your aprt ;)

I'll continue to look forward to this :D
4/28/2014 c1 Lolitroy
Yo from Roadhouse! ;)

Hmm, quite an interesting concept you have here, and Iz must be a strong girl. I mean, imagine kissing a boy and reading his mind while suddenly he gets a random thought about hiding his boner. It'd be quite an experience in retrospective though ouo"

Iz also sounds like an amusing character (I read until chapter two but somehow the page refreshed and bleh), though her, um promuscuity can be a double-edged sword. People usually have the mentality girls who kiss a lot are sluts and stuff, but maybe this can be something told from her perspective, which will be quite a refreshing change from the usual underdog.
Nothing worth pointing out as bad, but honestly nothhing really remarkable either, other than the Iz character which I'm finding really interesting. Hope to hear more from her soon ;)
4/26/2014 c5 5U MadeMyLifeComplete
I love your story and the concept is so interesting, creative plus unique too. I'm very intrigued and wish to continue reading. I hope things die down for you and that your shins recover soon!
Sincerely, Grace
4/26/2014 c2 1echogirlcapri
Forgot to say I'm from the Roadhouse!

If there's one thing I've learned, it's never to use the word "sun-kissed" to describe a boy :D I did it myself as well when I first wrote, and boy did I get called out on it! Try a more ... masculine adjective ;)

[They're a deep blue and I wonder how I've noticed him at school before.] Umm ... not to be presumptuous, but do you possibly mean "I wonder how I haven't noticed him"? That would make a lot more sense ...

OK. First you say, [Talking with him comes naturally] and then, a little later, she's supposed to be [surprised to find that Trent is easy to talk to]. Since you just said that he was easy to talk to, maybe you shouldn't repeat it with the word "surprised" beforehand? Just a quick suggestion! (If she's drunk that probably affects her narration a bit ;D)

Ahhh! Such an interesting ending! I hope you don't think that because I was making some technical suggestions I don't like your story. So far it's great! This is really my type of genre, so long as it doesn't get too explicit ;) I'm really liking Trent (especially the name) and the idea is very original. Keep up the fantastic work!

I'm gonna follow this story, and if I get a review return I'll continue reviewing :D
-Capri
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