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for Hell in a Handbasket

8/11/2014 c5 5Feirai
Okay, from what i've read i just have to start by saying that humor is your story's strong point - i'm not saying the rest of your story's weak in comparison, just your use of humor is very effective and drew me in straight away. I like how you've portrayed your characters. The reactions of the public to the demons roaming the streets is, in my opinion, very realistic with the men leaving their wives in order to survive. Overall, this is very good.
Keep up the good work!
8/2/2014 c5 1elenxji
"Mama was getting warm in the secret spots"? xDDD Really?! Oh my god, that is freaking hilarious! I love these characters!

I like the fact that the main character is not the main focus point of the whole.. "Last of their kind"-story. Makes it a tad more believeable and i generally like when there's a little difference between the regular stories and the stories people actually like. This is a story people actually like.

And some eye candy, oh my. Who dosn't work with elves. Ofcourse. How unlucky..! Who wouldn't want a handsome, tall mansling at their bidding? ;D
7/28/2014 c4 15Tabby Kattene
I would like to begin by mentioning I love both Tabitha and Kat, and I would like to be their friend. Though with the whole name thing, it might get kind of confusing.

In paragraph six, where Kat is asking all the questions I have wanted to know the answer to since chapter one, the word "parents'" doesn't need that apostrophe. That would imply the parents possessing something, and you just want the plural form.

Three paragraphs down, and Tabitha has "always been and elf." In her explanation, the sentence "I don't know anything about my birth parents to be honest, well they were both elves but that doesn't help much" looks a tad clumsy, and could probably do with a couple more commas. I'd make the one you have a period, put a comma after well, and a comma after elves.

Two paragraphs down, and Kat's dialogue should have a capitalized first letter... it's the start of a sentence for her, even if it isn't for us.

The Loch Ness Monster has an "h" at the end of its first name. :) It's a hard spelling.

When Kat is trying to understand portals, her comment on Star Trek should have a question mark at the end.

What a cliffhanger! I don't necessarily think ending a chapter mid-sentence is good form, but it WORKS for you. I'm on the edge of my seat! I have the information I need, I have a decent prediction of what is going on, and I'm so eager to read more! Great work!
7/28/2014 c3 Tabby Kattene
Just from that first paragraph alone, I would actually consider the trip home MORE eventful than the things that happened at school. That could, however, just be me. In this first paragraph, I'd add a comma to the following sentence, changing it to 'Nothing showed the basic human desire to live like an apocalypse, I supposed.' The way it is now, it sounds like nothing shows the desire to live like an apocalypse she's suppposed something about. Commas are important and can really change up how a sentence sounds!

Saskatoon! I wondered where they were! A lot of the words I don't understand, being a not-culturally-educated girl from the USA. ;) So I'm glad I know they're in Canada so I don't feel obligated to understand every bit of lingo.

In the second-to-last paragraph, I learn things about Canada and also catch a small grammar error. Right after the word "Canada" you should use a comma.

This chapter was practically perfect and I'm glad to have learned something new! Great job on the story, I can't wait to now read the latest chapter!
7/28/2014 c2 Tabby Kattene
In paragraph three, you use the wrong form of the word "peek." To peek means to look. To peak is something else entirely. In that same paragraph, the second sentence confuses me in relation to the first. What exactly is Tabitha saying here?

A few paragraphs down, at the part where Tabitha is being cautious and Kat is trying to escape, you said "but the creatures head followed my movement," and it should have been "but the creature's head followed my movement."

Towards the end, when Tabitha is describing the woman, she uses the word "dwarfed" twice in two sentences, which sounds repetitive (in a bad way) and clumsy. There are other ways to say what you're trying to say, remember that! On the same note, you don't have to say "the woman" over and over... that's why pronouns were invented, after all. We'll know who you're talking about!

The last bit of dialogue in the second to last paragraph needs a comma or a semicolon in between "asses" and "lets..." and "lets" needs an apostrophe to turn it into "let's," as in "let us."

Altogether, a great chapter, though I really am disappointed that Tabitha's elf thing didn't come up much. I suppose there are more pressing matters, but it's still something I want to know about. The idea of a demon apocalypse is fun and creative, kudos to you for doing it! Great work!
7/28/2014 c1 Tabby Kattene
First of all, the main character and I share a name, and being as it's four paragraphs in and she's talking about recognizing old television shows, I need to ask. Is that name inspired by Bewitched?

Now we have a Kat. I'm starting to get suspicious (My full name is Tabitha Katherine and I'm called Tabby Kat for short, which makes me wonder if you're going to do anything with the obvious pun of having a Tabitha and Kat in the same story).

Anyway, I'll try to stick to the point of the story now.

When Tabitha is talking about how she keeps herself from falling asleep, I do believe the word "commas" shouldn't have an apostrophe. Two paragraphs later, and you have a missing apostrophe... that should be "vampire's," and not "vampires."

Why does Tabitha want a nineteenth century doctor? I would be wanting a modern, slightly more competent one. I can't blame her for wanting the booze, though.

"I'm Tabitha. Your best friend. We yell at the Walking Dead and make fun of girls in Uggs together all the time." Yes, this is a Tabitha I can be proud of. Good, good.

When Tabitha reaches to touch her ears, her dialogue at the end of that paragraph should be punctuated and capitalized a tad differently. Cut looking at Kat in horror off with a period and capitalize the word "you."

I'm really confused as to what's going on and really intrigued... I'm definitely going to keep reading.
7/20/2014 c4 11Tenacious Archangel
Dude, a 'cake is a lie' reference in 2014? Wow. W. O. W. I don't actually know what those letters are supposed to mean when I make 'wow' into an acronym, I just wanted to be more dramatic.

Cool bird makes few appearances this chap, so I am sour and disappointed. On the other hand, we learn about a penis pill website that also doubles as a hogwarts-eque wikipedia for kids learning they're magical creatures. And that is one great sentence to have to type out, holy hell.

Also, Apollyon is a biblical demon (or angel depending on your interpretation), not a Greek god. Apollyon is just the greek word for Abaddon- The angel of the pit.
7/20/2014 c3 Tenacious Archangel
Dude, in America we take our shoes off before going inside too. Feel like most houses have that, actually, everywhere. Wait, why do I keep starting all my reviews with 'dude'?

I want a pet Raven though! Birds in general are SO. COOL. So kudos to Kat for living out her inner disney princess and befriending one at a young age. Un-kudos to Kat for needing a makeup kit in the apocalypse. Did you even pack any family photos Kat? Did you?! DID YOU?!

ahahaha anyways this was a pretty short chap. It also occurs to me now to leave a disclaimer that I don't actually hate these things I am reading. Like, I leave reviews that sort of make fun of them/criticize them the entire time, but if I really hated them I wouldn't be plowing through to read them. These chapters are short, simple, and sweet. They're fun.
7/20/2014 c2 Tenacious Archangel
I appreciate the full explanation of how Tabitha's ears don't work better than a human's due to equal ear canal sizes in the first paragraph. Like I get that it was sensical and fit fine, but it made me laugh for some reason.
Uh, you know, as I read your stories here I can't help but notice every one of your characters has made a statement that approximately reads- "Oh, but I'm not at all fat though!" Like every time. It sort of reads kind of pettily, and is one of those things that rarely has to be said in the first place.

Oh, back in chapter one there was something I forgot to point out-
"Really the demon, or what I'm going to call a demon, looked like...(continued)"
This sentence was super weird to me. I really don't get what it was trying to say at al!

Tabitha's voice still hasn't grown on me, but she's getting better. The fact that you pointed out the dues ex machina you played was well appreciated. Tabitha is still an elf farmer.
7/20/2014 c1 Tenacious Archangel
Farm girl elf. Huh.
Actually this whole thing has just been... huh. Okay. Uh, what's next? Well, there are four chapters this time, so I guess they'll clear some things up.
-I feel like most kids/every kid would understand a star trek reference? That was weird to me.
-Art degree jokes are always cool with me though.
-Did you just call a science degree useless? What are these girls going into in the field of science that is useless? Speaking of, why are they taking a grammar class if they're majoring in science?
-The flashing lights and screaming part was where it got surreal, as Tabitha (hey! That's one of my fav names!) is just chill and suddenly an elf. And it just feels... weird to read. Like, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be thinking when I read that bit. Confusion? At peace with the world?
-I assume these are things that will be explained later, but what, is half her grammar class monsters?
-You really like your range rovers

ANYWAYS, onwards
7/17/2014 c4 1elenxji
Oh. My. Gawd, a cliffhanger?! How could you be so positively evil and leave us with a cliffhanger?! I'm shocked and horrified and i want more. Well.. Back to the review.

Again, those funny, random comments that breaks the fourth wall? I still love them. Letters to hogwarts, the Loch Ness monster, the Cake is a Lie, wikapedia and a satyr that deals weed on school grounds. Why is that oddly fitting a satyr..?
Come on.
You are so doing that awesome on purpose.
And i like it!

I enjoy their exchange when Kat bombards her with questions. It's fast phaced, she barely breaths and it all seems rather realistic. I don't know how much i'd breath had i been confronted with a friends sudden transformation into an elf.
Very good, keep it up!
7/17/2014 c3 elenxji
Hmm gray humanoids that dosn't attack, but rather wait and sits around for their pray to.. What? I am highly curious to these beings! Are they her family, transformed? Are they evil? Are they good, but confused beings?
So many questions left unanswered! I can hardly stand it, oh my.

Also i like the idea of a raven in the story. Gives it an.. Edgar Allen Poe feel, somehow. And it's nice to see an elf that not ALL animals love.

I have no good critiques to give here. It all looks good and the story is interesting and dramatic. Good job so far.
7/17/2014 c2 elenxji
You surprise, even at the first sentence. ONE person who actually knows that elf ears are not magically able to hear everything, everywhere!

Two things especially made me giggle here. "Screwed like altar boys at the catholic church" and "Damn you walking dead!" Come on. That's damn brilliant!
A mysterious, tall, gorgeous lady too? Maybe it was that sexy pin-up from before! Oh wouldn't that be a biter!

Only real critique i can give, is that every now and then you seem to not punctuate properly. It happens only every now and then that you forget a comma or two, but it thought i'd mention it.
7/17/2014 c1 elenxji
Really enjoying the first chapter. It might be a weird thing to focus on, but a line like "Hoping it would go after other people" really shows off actual human survival instincts!

Their exchange is harsh, but friendly. Near the end you were sure they were gonna split up or fight, but then, BAM, laughter. It's like real best buddies, who tease and scream eachother all that they want.

I really enjoy the idea of supernatural humanoid beings being hidden in something as regular as a classroom too! It's not an idea you see often.
And i can't wait to read on about that whole electrocution thing! What was that all about?! Maybe it'll be explained later.. Yes.. Yes it have to!
7/13/2014 c3 3Ivy Mills
It's a great story so far! It's clear to understand.
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