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6/11/2014 c1 1OmegaFicPress
This chapter does a way better job of setting up the story. I like the concept of supernatural creatures masquerading as normal humans and being ousted. Besides some small grammar kinks it's well written.
6/2/2014 c3 4CUintheair
This has been such a good read so far, and I'm a little sad to have caught up with it. I like your characters, and the narration is very entertaining. I love the creepy grey creatures already. They're spooky and way more interesting than just sticking to the same demonic monsters from the school.
There is little to critique about this chapter (Really, about this story as a whole) so I'll just have to nit-pick. There were a lot less typos in this chapter, hardly any in fact. The only one that jumped out at me was, "clearly see us as when we passed as they stared" it seems you have an extra word thrown in there. Other than that I just have to ask how the grey creatures could have heard the sound of her stepping out of the car, but not heard both girls loaded down with bags (which would make their footsteps even louder) walking to the car from the house. Honestly those are my only issues with this, and I had to really search through to find them.
All in all you've got a great start here, and I can't wait to read more!
6/2/2014 c2 CUintheair
Alrighty, this was a fun chapter. Your dialogue is really well done, and I particularly like the Sesame Street bit. I am really interested in where this is going, and you've done a great job setting up the story and grabbing the reader's attention. Now, I did see some errors. Most of them are nit-picky things, but they do pull the reader out of the story.

Firstly, your sentence at the beginning that says that there is blood "all up the one wall" is a bit confusingly worded, and there are little typos here and there. Things like "quite" instead of "quiet" and "to" instead of "too" but they are little things and easily fixed with a proofread. You do seem to have a bit of trouble with possessive apostrophes. In one case it should have been "the creature's head". Also, there is no apostrophe for the possessive use of "it" simply "its" otherwise it turns into the contraction for "it is".
There was the occasional run-on sentence, but nothing too horrendous. In fact the only thing that actually bothered me was "Elvin" which is not a word. You could use "Elven" or "Elfin" which have slightly different connotations, and are not usually used interchangeably. My advice would be to pick one and stick with it.
All in all it is a solid story so far, and I definitely look forward to reading more.
6/2/2014 c1 CUintheair
I have to say I liked it. Things really started with a bang, and the description for the demon creature was amazing. I like the main character, and the banter between her and Kat. I loved the Trek reference.
There were a few issues, though. You have very good grammar for the most part, but sprinkled throughout this chapter were... not misspelled words, more like you jumped to typing the next without finishing the word you were still on. Little things like 'we' instead of 'were'
Also, 'it's' is a contraction for 'it is' while "its'" adds the possessive apostrophe after the letter s. You made that mistake more than once in the chapter describing the demon creature.
In all though, it was a fun start, and I'm excited about the next chapter.
5/19/2014 c1 Deactivated64
Good start has potential! Keep writing from Nocturnal
5/18/2014 c1 651Jave Harron
Okay, this chapter was not a good way to start off a story. There's a total lack of similes, metaphors, and things you'd expect to see in creative writing (if even a bit). There's plenty of spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., "jaggid"). The characters don't seem to have much in the way of physical description or personality, as well. Despite the summary, there's very little warranting or hinting at the direction of storyline.
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