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5/23/2014 c2 JaveHarron
Okay, I will admit your story is fairly original when it comes to concepts. However, there's a few problems with the execution so far. Have you ever read the His Dark Materials trilogy? This setting gives me that kind of vibe. That aside, the "reality" where magic is preferred over science (yet genuine supernatural powers exist) may get confusing when it comes with regard to categorizing each. Now, novelty of your concept aside, you could use some major improvement with the writing. The descriptions could be improved, with a few similes and metaphors could go a long way, to say nothing of character dialogue and improvement. Giving each character a "voice" can help (and I don't just mean funny accent), but Ciel is the only one who seems to have one so far. That may change later, but that's just my impressions from the first two chapters. Also, there's a number of grammatical and spelling errors. Hope to see this story grow, as it's more original and interesting than a lot of the regular supernatural crap.
5/5/2014 c4 Guest
i like the characters you've written about so far & the idea of projectors is interesting! please update soon xx
4/26/2014 c1 5Mistval
Nice stuff ;) my favorite part was how you described the guy with the creepy eyes and cheese-cutting chin.

I got a little confused though at the end, I wasn't sure who was who and who was talking.

This was interesting though, and doesn't give up many answers. I guess the reader will just have to read on if they want to know more ;)

A couple of typos, but mostly pretty good prose

"running a had down his cold face" - hand!
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