for TGWFTSDW
106/22/2014 c22 taerkitty
"When you fail to go through the door, you go through the wall" is a good line.
"When you fail to go through the door, you go through the wall" is a good line.
6/22/2014 c17 taerkitty
By talking about Eterna's unique and secret ability, but not revealing it all, this draws attention to the fact that it's a tell-not-show.
I see this is going to be one of those ass-pull stories. They're fun to read, fun to write, but not really fun to even comment on, save to cheer one's favourite character on in what is essentially a random pachinko machine.
There's really no point to any sort of attempt at a meaningful comment, much less crit or full-on-review. The author isn't taking this seriously, so why should the would-be reviewer?
By talking about Eterna's unique and secret ability, but not revealing it all, this draws attention to the fact that it's a tell-not-show.
I see this is going to be one of those ass-pull stories. They're fun to read, fun to write, but not really fun to even comment on, save to cheer one's favourite character on in what is essentially a random pachinko machine.
There's really no point to any sort of attempt at a meaningful comment, much less crit or full-on-review. The author isn't taking this seriously, so why should the would-be reviewer?
6/22/2014 c16 taerkitty
Given the fact that the only thing left of the lieutenant is gibbage, how can we be sure it's him?
"An unprepared lion is just a lamb for the slaughter." Good line.
I also like how you aren't afraid to zig-zag back and forth along the immediate timeline.
Given the fact that the only thing left of the lieutenant is gibbage, how can we be sure it's him?
"An unprepared lion is just a lamb for the slaughter." Good line.
I also like how you aren't afraid to zig-zag back and forth along the immediate timeline.
6/22/2014 c15 taerkitty
Well, Eterna probably told the story as well as she knew, given the Rin erased all traces of her history. For all we know, the commonly accepted story could have been that Rin killed her parents last year when she flattened her homeworld.
Oh, and the flattening of the homeworld wasn't just mere caprice, either. I like a complex villain.
Oh, and the change back is only temporary. At least until she, the newly omnipotent, decides otherwise.
Rachel's final destination is probably the ex-lieutenant's room, but it's not stated, and that isn't in keeping with the visual nature of the narration. It's one thing if it closed on a cliffhanger of her opening the door and nearly screaming, but for her to simply not show it when the rest of the story is showing the surroundings doesn't work for me.
Well, Eterna probably told the story as well as she knew, given the Rin erased all traces of her history. For all we know, the commonly accepted story could have been that Rin killed her parents last year when she flattened her homeworld.
Oh, and the flattening of the homeworld wasn't just mere caprice, either. I like a complex villain.
Oh, and the change back is only temporary. At least until she, the newly omnipotent, decides otherwise.
Rachel's final destination is probably the ex-lieutenant's room, but it's not stated, and that isn't in keeping with the visual nature of the narration. It's one thing if it closed on a cliffhanger of her opening the door and nearly screaming, but for her to simply not show it when the rest of the story is showing the surroundings doesn't work for me.
6/22/2014 c11 taerkitty
Section 51. Interesting coincidence.
I dislike, "what she didn't know" info-dumps.
Section 51. Interesting coincidence.
I dislike, "what she didn't know" info-dumps.
6/22/2014 c10 taerkitty
Most successful masterminds tend to dispose of the traitors once they're used. After all, if someone can be bought once…
Interesting. The captain was expecting this. I like that.
Most successful masterminds tend to dispose of the traitors once they're used. After all, if someone can be bought once…
Interesting. The captain was expecting this. I like that.
6/22/2014 c9 taerkitty
So Captain Fritz isn't just a platoon captain, but captain of the Harbinger? Interesting.
How long was Eterna under cover? She already slipped once with the 'we were fighting the enemy'. I'm surprised they didn't drug/restrain her immediately.
So Captain Fritz isn't just a platoon captain, but captain of the Harbinger? Interesting.
How long was Eterna under cover? She already slipped once with the 'we were fighting the enemy'. I'm surprised they didn't drug/restrain her immediately.