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7/29/2014 c3 PrennCooder
nice chapter!
7/29/2014 c2 PrennCooder
cool :)
7/27/2014 c3 3She Doesn't Row
Hi! I think your writing style is very good, it flows easily and is structured really well, and it's clear that you have a solid grasp on the story. I really liked the way you introduced the supernatural in the first chapter, with the meeting between Jackson and his client, and you don't spend too much time on info-dumps, which is good. One thing I'm not sure about, though, is Pierce and Liz's communication. If Jackson enchanted a pair of glasses (and is it explained at a later stage how he did this?) for Pierce to see apparitions, does that somehow also let the wearer hear the apparitions speaking, too? If so, should there be some connection to the ear from the glasses? Or does Jackson have to relay the messages to Pierce? Other than that tidbit, I think the story is flowing really nicely and looks like you have an interesting concept underway here! :)
7/21/2014 c6 2Amber Tanaka
Hrm. Things are picking up.
But... who the heck is Iktomi? I don't recall him being mentioned before. The plot is picking up, although I still think there's too much exposition. I'm getting tired of conversations of just information and nothing else. You're having to resort to exposition to explain the characters.
7/20/2014 c5 Amber Tanaka
Pro points for Marcus Aurelius! I loved Meditations. That book is so marked up, I'll never be able to get rid of it, even if I wanted to.
Onto the story.
This chapter felt a tad pointless, but it was helpful in fleshing out both Jackson and Liz. Although, it feels a little too pre-romance, like it's predicting it. Knowing more about Liz helped, a lot. But her being so mischievious and upbeat doesn't match her cause of death. Plenty of teens can keep up a facade of normalcy, while being depressed/suicidal. But a ghost? A ghost wouldn't have any need to keep the facade. Just some thoughts I had.
I really hope Meditations and the other book do something in the plot. Being mentioned and all.
7/20/2014 c4 Amber Tanaka
Now things are picking now that we (the readers) know a bit more. I have to say, I really like Liz. Pierce and Jackson seem a bit cold, which is their personalities, and Liz seems much warmer and more relatable.
Overall, while there was still a surplus of exposition (which destroys suspense later on) I liked how it was livened by Liz.
7/20/2014 c3 Amber Tanaka
This chapter was a bit more medicore. There was a LOT of boring exposition (but at least you disguised it in dialogue), and no real answers to the question.
One thing that nagged me was why is Liz with them?
7/20/2014 c2 Amber Tanaka
The opening was humorous enough, with Mrs. Hill's cat, well streamlined into the actual question of the story. Really, the only problem I had was Liz. She's the typical, cliche white girl -light colored skin, hair, and eyes. Guess what? THERE ARE WHITE GIRLS WITH FAIR SKIN, LIGHT EYES, AND DARK HAIR.
Sorry for going nuts there. I've just always been annoyed by it. When I was younger, I always wanted to dye my hair lighter because I thought I was ugly because it didn't match the standard.
So, overall, well done with the first chapter.
7/20/2014 c13 11Tenacious Archangel
DRAMATIC.
Uh, so, here I am. Finally caught up. Not sure if I really want to follow the story though. I don't have anything against it, and it's honestly very well written. It's just not really for me, you know? But I'm sort of curious in at least the end of it, that's for sure, especially now as I try to guess how many chapters this story is going to end with. Twenty?

Anyways, best wishes for the world out there. Liz is pretty cool maybe, but that might be my inner dead teenager self speaking
7/20/2014 c11 Tenacious Archangel
Ikomi-for-being-Liz-this-whole-time-2014!

You know, for a story about a ghost medium, there sure are a lot of complicated finances in here. Then again, he is a finances guy SLASH medium, so I suppose this book just fills that nice little niche market quite nicely. I know about nothing the rules of ghosts in this world but wow am I learning theoretical finances over digital markets
7/20/2014 c10 Tenacious Archangel
I sort of forgot Jackson's last name was Graves. That's downright hilarious.
Also, the description of Sharp's office as lacking carpets makes me think a lot of people die in there. Which may not have been your intention, but is now my canon.
Uh, I'm not leaving very in depth notes today, you might notice. Sorry.
7/20/2014 c8 Tenacious Archangel
"Can't you just forget about work for once" Guy asks
MC shrugs, then forgets about work for once
amazing

Uh, I don't have much anything to say expect the constant reminder that I know nothing of digital currencies or legislative systems of any of that? It seems nice that you do, however. Every time I read these systems I just think 'that's so silly!' but then again I am pretty ignorant on everything regarding this matter. Maybe the idea of a fake currency that somehow is also a democracy isn't silly. Maybe it's dead serious.
7/18/2014 c7 Tenacious Archangel
Wow, two people responding affirmatively within three paragraphs. It's a weird bit of repetition, I don't know.

Anyways, this is mostly a fault from this being a sequel I suppose, but there's a lot of characters showing up that Jackson already knows and must contact for the plot but that's about all we know of them. Susan, Adrian, Conner, Dave, even Thaddeus just sort of have their scene and leave. It's a tad disjointing. But again, I blame the SEQUAL-ITY of the story and also assume it's not like this is the last time ever we see these people
7/18/2014 c6 Tenacious Archangel
Pretty glad you brought up some of the problems linked to that whole online currency thing, otherwise I'd lead in with that. Because linking a new currency to just the US dollar is very mysteriously not a good idea when you consider the fact that... the gov isn't about to recognize it legally and exchange for it like any proper legal tender. and the idea of totally just giving people money (in an unstable, unknown currency) is sort of silly when you consider... the economy...

okay look truthfully I don't know anything about cash and online cash and all that but I'm pretty sure this new money thing is a BAD idea even if you realize their problems you also must realize those problems can't exactly be fixed

also I totally realize this is a sequel but I didn't at first so it's sort of frustratingly mysterious WHAT happened six months ago and all that.
7/18/2014 c5 Tenacious Archangel
Wow, so I probs won't be commenting on EVERY chapter as I fight to catch up with this story (eep!) but here's my comments for this bit:
-Conner salutes Jackson- was jackson in the army also?
-It's sort of weird that Conner looks like a stereotypical homeless man and rummages through dumpsters when he lives in a shelter and has evidently been helped by Jackson. Many shelters work to ensure proper grooming for those in their care and all that. Truthfully, I'm more familiar with smaller town homeless shelters, but hopefully they don't just toss their people out in the cold to rummage through trash in the big city.
-Liz and Jackson's conversation feels weirdly stilted here, and a bit uncomfortable. Like exposition, but not really since we don't learn much new.
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