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6/7/2014 c1 12GossamerSilverglow
Supernatural Book Club Review 1:


[His chocolate-color skin was a contrasted against] - This sentence didn’t make sense to me. You either added one too many words or added an ending to a word that wasn’t need. You might want to look that over.

[hands twitched moved like a junkie] – Did you want to use both ‘twitched’ and ‘moved’ here? In terms of a better sentence I think ‘twitched’ would work nicely.

Is Mrs. Hill some type of supernatural creature? Like she’s super strong, or evil? I ask because pulling a bokken on an old woman who is paying for services seems extreme. Wouldn’t just pulling away from her work? Or warding her off? - And then it all makes sense once I read the passage again. Mrs. Hill is a ghost. That was subtle. I like it when important information is so brief like this, just before you get to the ‘ectoplasmic’ talk and stuff. It’s good preparation for what’s to come.

All that for a cat? The way Liz checked if Jackson had all his stuff in the truck reminded me of The Frighteners. Good movie. I’m curious if it’s going in that direction. Have you ever seen it? Anyhow, this was a good chapter. A few mistakes that need to be corrected, but it was definitely an interesting first chapter.
6/3/2014 c2 2N.D.Iverson
The glasses that Pierce uses to see ghosts reminds me of the movie 13 Ghosts, where they use special glasses to see the ghosts as well. I'm just confused as to how Pierce can hear Liz when he isn't able to even see her without the glasses? Maybe I missed the explanation...

Anyway, this chapter is very intriguing and explains a fair amount about the characters without going into info-dump overload. You have a very big vocabulary but using too many uncommon words like malodorous and miasmic, turns off the average reader. Not trying to say we're a dumb bunch, but if you are going for a wider audience I would recommend against using so many.
5/30/2014 c1 LaylaHarcourt
I love the first chapter, it is very interesting and makes you want to read more. I really enjoy supernatural themes, especially were the protagonist sees ghosts and/or helps them move on. Looking forward to future updates!
5/25/2014 c1 2lilymarie96
I definitely was hooked from this chapter, I liked that you didn't throw all the information out there right away in the beginning, like how we found out Mrs. Hill was a ghost only a few paragraphs in, and that she was there to ask about the well-being of her cat even further down. It unfolded quite nicely, which is a writing style that I can appreciate. One thing that caught my eye was when you described Liz and "an eternal teenager untouched by death". I get that she is a ghost who does not age, but doesn't 'untouched by death' mean she is immortal or something along those lines? If she is a ghost, death must have gotten to her somehow, haha. So maybe you mean something like "untouched by time" instead? I look forward to your next chapter.
5/25/2014 c1 4D. W. Tyn
Looks pretty good. Obviously it's a sequel to your last Jackson Graves novel, Medium of Exchange. However, I do wish kept it posted on this site. Some people didn't get a chance to read all of it, myself included. When someone posts a sequel on this site, it is common courtesy to keep the first book posted. All I'm saying is that some people like to start at the beginning of a series. Just to let you know.
5/24/2014 c1 2N.D.Iverson
First off this was really well written. Obviously this story is written for the more advanced reader, judging from your vocabulary-which in my books isn't necessarily a bad thing. As an example, the word 'eldritch' was a rather strange word choice and I'm guessing it's more often found in Fantasy novels than supernatural ones so it threw me off a bit.

If I am reading this as a "newbie to the series", certain things do need to be briefly explained or touched on. For example the bokken. Does it naturally harm and repel ghosts? Has it been enchanted so it can harm ghost? As a new reader we aren't sure why it was able to 'cut' Mrs. Hill.

I'm not sure if this it appropriate to say but I really liked the fact that you made your main character non-white. It is refreshing to see. I also enjoyed the cat humor, you waited until the exact right moment to release that little tidbit and it was quite humorous.

Overall, as a reader I am intrigued, which is the whole point of a first chapter.
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