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for Dawn

2/17/2022 c4 anna Marry
I’m a scout talent from a fast-growing platform. Nowadays werewolf story is in trend and I think your story has the potential to gain more readers on our platform! May I know how to reach you professionally?
10/1/2014 c1 Guest
Hope you update soon! Great story so far.
7/4/2014 c1 4CUintheair
This was interesting. Your writing is pretty good, but this really needs a proofread. Lots of little issues pop up throughout and it makes it hard to enjoy the story. Things like "a scar married her face" instead of "marred", and "only hunters got were sent" where you have an extra word or two.
On another note entirely, did you purposefully name a character after River Phoenix, or were you unaware that that was a real person? If you did pick the name in honor of him I hope you mention it somewhere.
On the whole though, I liked this. I think with a little bit of polishing it could be fantastic, and I will definitely continue reading!
6/10/2014 c2 1PeacefulParalian
Another good chapter! I really like that you added in other senses, such as smell, instead of the very overly used sight and hearing. I'm not too partial to any of the characters yet, so keep building them up and make them defined. I enjoyed River's protectiveness of his sister, but don't quite appreciate Alex's treatment of him. He's just trying to help. The mission seems like an interesting one, and it certainly got the plot moving quickly! A lot of things happen, but they happen a bit too fast. Try to slow it down and explain in detail what's going on. Quick action is good for a story, but it gets a but hard to concentrate when so much happens in so little time.

Your spelling and grammar have improved well with this chapter! I have but a few suggestions. End spoken sentences with commas if followed by a word such as 'said' or a synonym. If a character's name is mentioned it should be preceded by a comma, such as "River's not going, Alexandria." Your paragraphs are often composed of only one sentence, which doesn't really look good and is really choppy. Try fleshing them out with detail. Lastly, you say the characters names a lot. Try different adjectives, because it gets repetitive. You also jump between Alex and Alexandria a lot. I suggest choosing one and sticking with it.

I'm looking forward to reading about the werewolves and their royal family and to get more information about them, especially because we got a paltry explanation about them now. Again, it was a really good chapter and forwarded the plot a lot. Good job.
6/10/2014 c1 PeacefulParalian
You have a very good start here. The idea of Hunters has been mentioned due to Supernatural, but it can be explored much thoroughly through your story and your world. Alex seems like a strong character, well balanced with her brother at her side. She seems competent and a good fighter, which is important in a story that involves monsters.

There are a few things that do need to be worked on. I noticed a few grammar and spelling errors, which can be easily fixed through proofreading your story before publishing. It seems tedious but can greatly improve your story's aesthetic. Also, you have a tendency to show, not tell. Try showing that Alex isn't squeamish by explaining her reaction to River's wound, instead of just saying it. It makes the story a lot more interesting. If there is a time jump, you should demonstrate that with something like asterisks, so that the readers aren't confused. Lastly, your sentences follow a subject-verb structure, which can get very repetitive. Try mixing it up and adding in other structures for more excitement.

Overall, I believe that this is a good start and I would like read further into this story. The characters are interesting, and I would like to see how Rhett and the werewolves are brought in. Good job!
6/4/2014 c1 True Talker
I found this interesting to read and as with other things that I read on this site I tend to find things that link with things that I have seen and read. And also words that I have chosen to use myself before even reading this. I just do find that interesting. I am interested in reading more of this story. Why? It is creative and interesting.

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